The Worst, Most Annoying Christmas Lyrics – Rap Critic

Rap Critic spreads holiday cheer, the only way he knows how! (He’s… not very good a spreading Christmas cheer…)

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  1. Excellent Bono rant RC. That guy is a huge number 2.

  2. You mean, you didn’t mean the “Wrap Critic”?

  3. Send some aid to Australia too. We’re not getting snow either!

  4. LOL, when you said “you can call me the Rap Critic”, I thought that you were saying “the Wrap Critic”! 😉 I was expecting rap Christmas songs. LOL. Aw, poor Bono. He does a lot of good… the lyrics just aren’t right though.

  5. While your criticism of “Do They Know it’s Christmas” as a song was spot on, I think the your response to the all the people behind was a little overwrought. Todd did cover much of same territory better in his review of “We are the World for Hatti” and did with a lot less hostility and a lot more humility. His opening disclaimer before getting to what was wrong with the song itself matches my view on the subject of celebrity benefits masterfully:

    (Okay, I need to say this right now up front—I don’t have any patience for people who sneer at celebrities because they participate in these big, gaudy displays of charity. You know, I hate it when people look at [video of acceptance speech] Bono and say, “oh, I hate that pompous douchebag. Look at him, always trying to change the world, help people…I hate that guy.”

    You know what? Whatever. I will take an insincere display of charity over a genuine display of apathy every day of the week.)

    So would I. Look humanitarian crisis tends to affect people of all walks of life. Rich, poor, and middle class. While the capacity for ignorance and condescension in response those effected when they come from a different culture, really has nothing to do with whether the responders are rich! I’m saying this as somebody whose been out of work for years. If you don’t like what somebody else is doing – good offer up something better, but don’t try to tell me that no should care about what there doing because there rich and famous. If that were true we wouldn’t care to complaining about them and sites like this wouldn’t exist.

    Sorry if this comes off sounding like a counter rant. I actually agree with most of the specific points here (except for the whole “what do rich people now about middle class and poor people” which is an argument I’m sick or hearing.) I just thought Todd covered same points better.

  6. I always thought in Santa Baby she WAS actually talking to Santa, but just tying to be cute and sexy about it. Also, not really knowing most of the words, when you got to the part about ‘the deed’ I thought she wanted…you know…the Deed. *Giggity*

    The radio used to play a hilarious parody of ‘the 12 days of Christmas’ and had lines like ‘FIIIIIIVE MONTHS OF BIIIIIIIIILLLLS’ The best part is near the end when the lines start devolving and you get stuff like “You think you’re so smart, YOU hang up the lights!”

    I know you are focusing on lyrics but, no mention of the painful Squirt (and Coke at least twice) product placement? In a video for a song made for charity? Unless that meant extra money to the cause, or they helped pay for making it, then I guess it’s tolerable. But I doubt that was the case.

    One of the many Christmas songs on repeat at work, a rendition of “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus”, really drives me nuts for two reasons:

    #1 The voice, good god that voice (another adult trying to sound like a kid…) and #2 …Look, I realize that in America we usually pronounce ‘been’ as ‘bin’ and not ‘bean’…but DAMNIT the rhyme is ‘BEAN’!!!! ‘Bin’ does NOT rhyme with seen!

  7. Nope, still inaccurate Rap Critic.

    Kissing doesn’t transfer Ebola.

    It’s passed through direct contact with infected blood or feces.

    So unless you’re bleeding into their mouth (or worse….), you aren’t gonna pass it to em.

  8. Still can’t believe The Christmas Shoes wasn’t somewhere on this list. Talk about schmultzy, obnoxious, lyrics (“I want her to be beautiful when Mama meets Jesus tonight?” Really?).

  9. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Totally agree with you in that celebs should give money to Charities. I will come t there defense however in which there are charities that are made by celebs or they help people with certain disabilities but I can see where your coming from. I also think that that give the word is a pretty dark Christmas song I mean the kiss of death jeez happy Christmas I guess.

    As for that Ebola thing, I don’t think Ebola is transferred just by a person kissing another person I think it’s spread by a person sneezing,coughing,or sharing germs with another person(though I’ll have to look into researching that more. Like that your name is the wrap critic though what do you tend to wrap a lot of the presents this time of year XD!

    • Any transfer of fluids can spread it, so while light kissing might not (assuming the person doesn’t have sores on their face), deep kissing would. Also, tears could actually spread it (assuming they’re still hydrated enough to be able to cry)

  10. The twelve days of Christmas is a great song…get a dozen people who can’t sing together, with plenty of booze, then belt it out- lots of fun.

  11. Can we also get rid of Last Christmas? Please?

  12. Actually it is predicted that the mountains in africa, somewhere down the line of a few years, will not have snow anymore due to the climate changing and all.

  13. Actually a large portion of Ethiopians are Christians and are part of a Church that is one of the oldest Christian churches in the world, and they celebrate Christmas in January. They know it’s Christmas and they’ve known longer than anyone who worked on that stupid, stupid song.

  14. Have you been to Mount Kilimanjaro?

  15. “Santa Baby” to me always seemed to be sung to Santa as a threat, ie. “I slept around so much less than I could have, pay up or next year won’t be the same”

    “Wouldn’t it be fun to be Santa Claus’s son” by Spike Jones (not the actor) is a worse song sung by an adult trying to be “kiddish” they played it in the Christmas rotation at work and I wanted to tear my ears off

    I did expect the classic christmas rapey song on here, but you had great choices, maybe next year?

  16. Bob Geldof is his name right? over thirty years ago he directed the Live-Aid USA To Africa (Formerly Derg Communist Party-Ruled Ethiopia that overthrew Emperor Haile Selassie 1 Ras Tafari in 1974) Rock Concert which included the ever popular “We Are The World” single. And he Bob probably never heard of Ernest Hemingway’s novel that turned into a movie called The Snows of Kilimanjaro or maybe he heard of it but just ignored just saying.

  17. Aww man I was hoping you’d bring up one of the most head-scratching lyrics I know. “There’ll be much mistle-toeing”. At first it doesn’t bother you that much, cause you know what the mistletoe is for, but…mistletoe-ing? Like as a verb? How does that work? Do you slap your partner with a mistletoe? Do you go around and flaunt a mistletoe in front of people? what the hell would that be?!

  18. I hate the band aid Christmas song. I agree with a lot of what the rap critic said in regards to rich people “inspiring” the middle class into giving is hypocritical when they can just give themselves. However I will say this in Bono’s defense he does give a lot of time and money to charity. He has been nominated for the world Peace prize 3 times and is considered a leader in the fight against global poverty. He has helped start four different charities and backs a ton of others. I swear I am not a raving bono fan, though my mother is, I just wanted to point out that he did give a lot to the cause. Still the song is preachy as shit and I have no idea about the other celebrities in that room.

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