Alien: Covenant – Chris Stuckmann

Chris Stuckmann reviews Alien: Covenant.

About ChrisStuckmann

Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.


  1. Look, I’ll be blunt. I never really thought the xenomorph in “Alien” needed its origins explained, and I’ve since embraced Cameron’s take on them as a species. I also never really thought the franchise needed an “antagonist” aside from the titular creature, or that the one thing the franchise was missing was pretentiousness.

    So…everything plotwise about this movie has already turned me off. All that’s left is gore, shock value, and thrills…and I can get those from a lot of movies.

    • TragicGuineaPig

      The Xenomorph already has as much origin as it really needs: IT COMES FROM OUTER SPACE! What more do you need, a vat of nuclear chemical waste?

    • Totally agree. The thing I hated most about Prometheus is the way it completely ruins the mystery of the space jockey (the big dead alien in the chair), from the original film. Some things really are better left unexplained.

    • The xenomorph has always been the least interesting antagonist in this franchise.

  2. Interesting. This is the first video review that I’ve seen for Alien: Covenant. Even though I’m not a fan of this franchise, I wish the Alien fans the best. Lord knows they’ve suffered a bit.

  3. People complained about Prometheus because of lack of Xenomorphs? That wasn’t the impression I got…I thought most people hated the lack of logic and obvious displays of stupidity. :S

  4. Oh please for the love of DOG do not let the “viewpoint” someone is trying to convinvce someone else of be christianity!

    The problem I had with Promoetheus was it’s heavy handed, poorly thought through, almost juvenlile attempt at squeezing christian canon into the alien franchise. All the characters, not just “those 2 scientists” but every person on the crew was a moron and none of them seemed to have a single ounce of real scientific curiosity. I got the feeling that Ridley Scott has grown more religous over the years and is trying to “save” his audience. Christians using arguments to beat the silly atheist scientist in the only way they can – by writing the atheist scientist themselves and those “scientists” are the kind of people anti-science christians think scientists are.
    I am not against suggesting supernatural ideas, I loved the christian themes in Raiders of the Lost Ark for instance, but by DOG it was painfully clumbsy in prometheus. It didn’t help when the movie suggested that the decision to terminate life on earth was somehow connected to Jesus. *facepalm*

    Prometheus had a lot of brilliant ingridents but when all the characters made me want to headbutt the wall continously – i could hardly enjoy a second of it.

    So please OH PLEASE let my fears about this movie be wrong!

    • Yeah, for a movie that takes itself so seriously, tackling such lofty themes as the origin of our species, it sure had a lot of blatantly stupid crap in it. I think the worst was that asshole geologist who was only in it for the money. Really? you volunteered for a four year mission into space to potentially discover the first intelligent alien life and all you care about is getting paid?? Not to mention the fact he managed to get lost even while using high tech 3d mapping orbs, with a direct feed back to the captain. I could go on and on, but yeah, suffice to say I really did not like Prometheus at all. Prettiest dumb b movie of all time.

  5. I didn’t like this film. I didn’t hate this film… This film was a generic “Slasher-Monster film in space” with an Alien coat of paint and some really nice visuals. Honestly, I will watch Resurrection before I watch this film again, primarily because Resurrection was shit, but it was fascinating in how shit it was. Covenant was an infinitely better film, but is just “Meh” which is the worst thing that a sequel/prequel to an iconic film can be.

    It’s like how Uwe Boll’s films aren’t as interesting now that his skills as a director have improved.

  6. I…..liked the film. It satisfied me, gave me some AWNSERS about the xenomorph origins, something that NEEDED to be shown off a bit. While the xenomorhs mystery was an element, mystery alive CAN NOT LAST FOREVER! I can’t wait for the 3rd film, on my own scale it’s a soft B to a B-. Characterization and some seriously stupid choices of the crew bring it down, but I left the film satisfied

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