Ask TGWTG: Episode 4

Questions Asked:
There’s seagulls at the top of my school and they are beginning to become quite a disturbance because they attack people. What can I do to make them disappear?

Are pigeons emo or goth?

What is the best method of defending yourself against a horde of evil squirrels using an onion, a stapler and the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe?

Where IS the beef?

Once I was playing Super Mario 64, and in Super Mario 64, you have to jump in a painting to start the level, and so I did… My little brother saw it and he asked me how that was possible, and I told him it’s possible because it’s a video game… He went crazy and now he is scared of paintings. What should I do?

If you found yourself trapped in an underground Egyptian chamber, how would you escape if you only had a revolver and pen to help you? I forgot to mention that the chamber is filled with transvestite scorpions and radioactive monkeys.

Where is the any-key?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

My uncle died last week and he is still in his room. He is starting to stink up the place and I don’t want to touch him, what should I do?

Last week I forgot to lock the door to my room when I was preparing myself to jerk off. All of a sudden in the middle of my pleasure, my brother busted and caught me in the act. I’m worried he’ll tell my mom or dad about it and I’ll get “the talk.” Any advice on how to prevent my brother from telling my parents?

About Doug Walker

Creator of 5 Second Movies, Nostalgia Critic, Bum Reviews and more.

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