Beauty and the Beast – Chris Stuckmann

Chris Stuckmann reviews Beauty and the Beast.

About ChrisStuckmann

Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.

9 comments

  1. If only they wouldn’t keep dumping on the sophistication of the original. How much have we heard this “Welcome to KFC” crap that keeps coming out of Watson’s mouth talking about how the original movie failed to do this, or missed that, and making herself look like a total fool in the process. “The motivations of the town were vague in the animated one”. No. No, they were not, Emma. They were the opposite of vague; They were simple and quite clear. For Christ’s sake, we hear their puzzlement over Belle, their worship of Gaston, their low opinion of Maurice, plainly stated in song and speech. MULTIPLE TIMES.

    “With a dreamy far off look, And her nose stuck in a book, What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle.”

    “The whole town’s talking about it: It’s not right for a woman to read; Soon she starts getting ideas…and thinking.”

    “No one’s quick as Gaston; No one’s slick as Gaston; No one’s neck is incredibly thick as Gaston’s”
    “For there’s no man in town half as manly; Perfect, a pure paragon”

    “Crazy old Maurice; He’s always good for a laugh”

    “We don’t like what we don’t understand; In fact, it scares us; And this monster is mysterious at least.”

    Maurice being the inventor, in the original, showed how Belle had grown up in an environment that encouraged free, if slightly eccentric, thought and she had taken that and made it her own; Belle is quietly but passionately intellectual and finds no sympathy from the town for that; They gossip about her one second and ignore her the next. She wants more out of life; Adventure and, at least, a friend.

    Pfft on that! See, Belle’s intellect needs to be mechanical; It needs to literally show up on the screen. Maybe as, I don’t know, a washing machine. Yeah, that’s it. And then the town can wreck it to show how they hates de smart peeples.

    I’m going to give Emma Watson credit that she genuinely doesn’t believe the junk coming out of her mouth but am going to slam the team behind this movie for smearing feces over a classic film. A 4-star, nominated for Best Picture, film, a distinction which I’m sure this film will not have to worry about.

    I want this film to tank; I want it to tank HARD. Disney needs to stop this descent into mediocrity with their classic films: It’s the direct-to-video sequel era all over again and it hurts.

    • “And then the town can wreck it to show how they hates de smart peeples”. God, this comment is pretty great. 🤣

    • “The motivations of the town were vague in the animated one”. No. No, they were not, Emma. They were the opposite of vague; They were simple and quite clear. For Christ’s sake, we hear their puzzlement over Belle, their worship of Gaston, their low opinion of Maurice, plainly stated in song and speech. MULTIPLE TIMES.”

      Exactly! They weren’t mean cruel people, they were just plain, traditional, simple folks and content to be so, which was why Belle puzzled them so much. She didn’t want to work a simple job or be courted the traditional way. She was happy to sit in a quiet place and read, as am I, which is why I loved and related to her so much. And they went after the Beast because to them he looked scary and Gaston only played on their fears to help him get rid of his rival. Nothing confusing about it. It was a sweet simple story, not hard to understand, and I don’t know why they have to complicate it like they did!

  2. I mean I’m probably going to see this movie but I’m not that excited to. I just happen to spend half of my weekends at movie theaters. In fact, I’ll probably wait until it comes to my local $2 movie theater.

  3. I am not a fan of the pointless changes they made to this movie. And Emma Watson can’t sing these songs properly.

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