Chris Stuckmann: Poltergeist

Chris Stuckmann reviews Poltergeist

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Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.

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22 Comments on "Chris Stuckmann: Poltergeist"

Kaiden
Guest
Heh, I could never be a critic. I mean if I had 5-10 minutes in front of a camera to talk about what I thought about Lazarus Effect (or Project, the movie itself seemed unclear as to what the title was), I’m afraid I wouldn’t have anything kind to say about that movie. Even Olivia Wilde in all her hotness cannot save the movie when the camera catches her breathing after a scene where she got electrocuted to death. I can’t remember the last time I left the theater wanting to fight someone that badly. On that note Chris, do… Read more »
happymel
Guest

I don’t really like scary movies so I’ll skip both.

Bloodsehd113094
Guest
I knew from the moment I saw the clown doll that this wouldn’t be good. The reason the first movie’s clown was so scary was because it wasn’t a prop. This was a doll kids owned and likely had it sitting on a chair in the corner of their room like in the movie. When you just make it some random scary doll from any horror movie, you lose the effect the original had of being realistic. It’s the same with the CG. The commercials really liked the scene where the kid was grabbed by the leg next to the… Read more »
raknai
Guest

I dont know about other people but CGI to me is cartoon.
If they hand-draw the effect is the same because to me is just cartoon.
Maybe because I grew with CGI cartoons and to me cgi is just cartoons.

Jaeger976
Guest

“CG is just cartoon.” No shit Sherlock.

By that logic I could say something stupid like
“To me, practical effect is just puppet. If they use Muppet to replace Evil Dead monster, is the same because they just puppet. Maybe because I grew watching Muppets and to me practical effect is just puppet.

Nerdfighter007
Guest
“Most child actors are horrid.” That right there is part of why to me Daredevil Netflix series is so awesome. The kid they got to play Elementary school age Matt doesn’t just have a beleivable relationship with his dad, he manages to play a believable blind person until he meets Stick. I’m guessing the actor is a year or two older than the 8/9 Matt Murdock character, but still, I don’t know of many sited actors who’ve managed to believably play an adult blind character, let alone a sited child actor playing a blind character, so whoever this kid is,… Read more »
Nerdfighter007
Guest

Bloodsehd: Excellent point. Moviemakers seem to have forgotten that the reason stuff like that is scary is because its something someone watching probably has in their home. Thats partly why the Chucky movies were so damn scary in the eighties: It might not have been a real doll, but it looked like one, not something that had time traveled from the 1800s or been made by someone intentionally trying to make a creepy prop toy.

The MegaNerd
Guest

Isn’t that line of thinking what brought us ‘Unfriended’?

The MegaNerd
Guest
Lazy movies like this make me kinda mad, There are some movies out there that really REALLY need a remake (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) but Hollywood isn’t interested in those. Hollywood is only interested in remaking movies that don’t need a remake, now people are sick of remakes so even if a movie that does need to be remade (Assassins) gets remade people will dislike it just because it’s a remake and ignore any value it has. I admire Stuckman for doing his best to point out the strengths of this film. Highlander, Escape From New York and The Crow… Read more »
lobsterzoidberg
Guest

No, no. There are other reasons why a film could be remade.

For example, Carrie. The 1976 version is, without question, dated. A remake could very well be in order.

The problem is that the Carrie remake still somehow sucked balls. I don’t know how they could have screwed it up so bad, but they did.

The Poltergeist remake does the same.

RD
Guest

Why not just show the original in cinemas again, if this is such a slave to the original? They got away with re-releasing the original Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Blade Runner, and so on. Just do that with Poltergeist. Are they worried that people will be too scared of eighties fashion or something to watch it?

trepiechick
Guest

I actually just rewatched it last night. It was hilariously over-the-top. Besides, the original has parents smoking pot; can’t have that.

Jaeger976
Guest
“Besides, the original has parents smokin pot. Can’t have that.” What are you, twelve? Sure, I dont endorse using drugs of any kind, but saying that some characters using it once as a detractor of the movie is pretty damns shallow thinking. That’s like me saying that I shouldn’t watch a movie because someone in it holds a gun. And don’t give me stupid crap about saying that it can negatively influence people into doing the drug. The movie is intended for people old enough to know that you’re not supposed to just imitate stuff in movies. Besides, I really… Read more »
TooMuchFreeTime
Guest

Dude it’s possible they were serious, but I doubt it. Either way there is no reason for you to get THAT bent out of shape over a comment like that.

grimfang999
Guest

I knew it was going to be lame due to the poster-clown channeling Five Nights at Freddy’s waaaaay too much. FNaF did jump-scares right, but a Hollywood movie trying to leech of a indie games success… just seems lazy when it comes to advertising design.

trepiechick
Guest

Oh, and apparently the commentors on IMDB hate this guy.

TooMuchFreeTime
Guest

Are you wearing a Starfox shirt because of the news of that old unreleased Starfox sequel finally being finished? …OH hey! It’s a mashup too! Hey Venkman, do a barrel roll!

hafaball
Guest
It was funny waiting before Mad Max started, me and a friend talked about the poster of the clown doll and I said, “Why did they even use this? It’s barely in the original and there’s numerous things they could have pulled.” Apparently the face ripping part isn’t in the new one (because I guess that would have been too interesting, though they’d probably screw it up somehow) or the corpses, or I don’t know, the actual poltergeists! So I said “The general public, like kids, will just assume it’s some scary movie about a clown doll, it’s just like… Read more »
Moviemantweeter1999
Guest

Wow another horror mocie that sucks not suprised at all by that. But in the advertisements for the movie there seemed to be an awfully lot of jump scares which i hate because thats the most overused cliche in horror movies these days. But a squirrel serioudly. I am totally gonna skip this cgi dumpfest and go see a good movie. Like im gonna go see mad max fury road on monday and i hope its really good cause if its not ill be mad (which lets face it its probably gonna be good so why am i complaining).

Redrally
Guest

I saw the Poltergeist trailer before Avengers: Age of Ultron. At the end of it, the crowd in the cinema screen I was in were laughing.

Marveryn
Guest
I feel sorry for people that haven’t seen the original and will think this movie was great. Now there are no movie that can’t be remake but to do it right they have to be several factor. First, is there enough original material by the writer/filmaker to make the remake interesting. A good example of this is the movie The Thing. Which is a remake of a black and white film. First the movie did away with the 50’s dialogue and black and white film making style. Thinking the alien wasn’t a body suit giant instead of was a life… Read more »
ThePuzzlerOfRiddles
Guest
I respectfully have to disagree. I’ve seen the original and absolutely love it. I had very low expectations going into the remake, and was very pleasantly surprised. First off, I didn’t mind the CGI. It was very obviously CGI, but I think it looked better than a few of the original effects. Some of them in the original were great; the scene where she was dragged into the closet, the toys flying around. Others, such as the giant piñata don’t really hold up. Or the evil bug thing. The original film counted on these being terrifying, and seeing it for… Read more »
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