Spider-Man Homecoming Review
"My deepest apologies to anyone watching the movie in the same theater with me. I know it is unprofessional and kind of rude for me to shout at a screen, even during an end credits scene, I had a moment or two where I lost my self control. I know I'm not the only person who was behind when this movie first came out, some of you were probably watching it for the first time too, and I just cracked. If I ruined anyone's moviegoing experience, I am so sorry, in the future I won't do something like that again. With that in mind, enjoy the review.Spider-Man: Homecoming is another film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the first Spider-Man movie within the universe itself...and it exists. I really miss Andrew Garfield, okay?!
So yeah, last time we saw Spider-Man, which was in that monstrosity, Civil War, he really let me down, so that hurt my anticipation a lot. I had very little anticipation left, and it got to the point where my mother couldn't even tell me what movie I was going to see when we went to the theaters, all I knew was that it was either this or War for the Planet of the Apes, and that it was my first IMAX experience.
That is right, sadly my mother didn't take me to see the Last Knight in IMAX, so this was my first IMAX experience. Before I get to my feelings about the movie itself, let me just say that the experience wasn't as epic as it was built up to be. Sure some stuff did look cool in the new format, and I love the use of the surround sound, but other than that, it wasn't much different to me than seeing a movie in 3D like normally, and there were a couple of moments where I thought the focus was going in and out. Maybe it's just this movie and if I see a different movie in IMAX they might make more proper use of it.
Now I know you're all waiting for me to start, so here it is.
Two months after the disaster that was Civil War, Peter Parker is an intern for Tony Stark, trying to prove himself as an Avenger by doing his job as Spider-Man, all while trying to keep his home life and school life balanced. At the same time, the Vulture is selling high tech weaponry from many battles in the franchise to criminals, and Spider-Man really wants to stop him.
So the movie...isn't complete sh*t. It's not good, but not as bad as my deepest fears thought it would be. At worst I thought it would've been close to Civil War bad, but it isn't complete sh*t, just bad. But that's still bad!
I'm not happy with this. I am a huge Spider-Man fan, Spider-Man wasn't just an awesome superhero, but he was also kind of a role model to me growing up. Most of the comic books I've read in my life have to be Spider-Man related, the Amazing Spider-Man is one of my favorite superhero movies, Spectacular Spider-Man is one of my all time favorite shows and I was so sad when it ended up getting cancelled. Spider-Man means more to me than possibly any superhero, so when I have negative feelings about a Spider-Man property, I feel really bad about it. Spider-Man: Homecoming is my least favorite Spider-Man movie, not the worst movie with Spider-Man in it, but my least favorite movie titled "Spider-Man...something".
A sad thing is that the movie doesn't start so bad. When I saw the Marvel logo and heard the Spider-Man theme playing, it felt so great to hear that music in this franchise.
Tom Holland wasn't even that bad either. At first I was worried that he was going to get on my nerves when I first saw him in the movie, fresh after Civil War, but he turned out to be an okay Spider-Man. Emphasis is on "okay", because I've seen a better Spider-Man, and a better Peter Parker.
Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man is the best part of this movie of course, because he's Iron Man, and he's always awesome. In this movie he doesn't appear a lot, but when he does appear he has a good mentor feel to him, as if he has gained a lot of wisdom over the course of the universe, and he wants to pass that wisdom onto Spider-Man. He is to this movie what Wonder Woman was in Batman v Superman, a character who is barely in the movie, but it so powerful if they got involved the crisis would be over quicker, plus they can make a better movie.
Michael Keaton plays the Vulture in this movie, and he does a pretty good job for the different take on the character. I mean, Vulture has changed a lot over the years from the flying jewel thief in the comics to the vengeful inventor in the Spectacular Spider-Man, to this newer take on the character. I appreciate having Michael Keaton in a superhero movie again, I like him as an actor a lot, I think he was a good choice, but I can't help but get kind of a Norman Osborn vibe from his design.
Also, Vulture's not the only villain in the movie, Shocker is there, not much to say about Shocker, but also the movie also throws in a few Spider-Man characters as background fodder in very questionable ways. There are characters in this movie that look like important Spider-Man characters given insignificant rolls, characters that feel like they could've done more with, and some characters that were just poorly casted.
For example, Flash Thompson, Peter Parker's bully in this movie is like the anti-Flash Thompson. I know over time characters change, and we've seen two versions of Flash Thompson in two different continuities already, but I really don't buy that this guy is a bully, and I sure as hell don't buy him as a possible Agent Venom. They could've cut Flash out of the script all together and made this guy a completely new character, but they just named him Flash randomly because he is mean to Peter Parker.
The comic relief in this movie was also very forced, and not at all funny. He's another example of a character I think should've been cut from the script.
Then there is a name drop in this movie that...well, the most calm way I can describe it is with a picture from one of my rage idols.
That is all I am going to say. I did not like that lazy name drop.
There is one casting that I did like, and that was Aunt May. That's one new take I don't mind for a character, because it both makes sense for Aunt May to be younger, and for another...I like the idea of a cougar Aunt May.
Another weakness the movie has is the high school setting. I've said before that I really don't care about high school drama, that part of my life was a long four-year period of torture, and I don't like being reminded of that. I don't like seeing Spider-Man do school stuff, maybe I could forgive it for a TV series, but in a movie it is not appealing. Peter Parker is like super smart, I think that it is possible to have a younger Spider-Man and not have him in high school, you can just say that he skipped a few grades.
Also, the pacing of this movie really drags along. It feels like the movie was trying to put too much in itself with the high school stuff that isn't interesting, and there are some scenes that just didn't need to be in there at all, and for a long time things don't pick up, and when they do start to do something with the movie, it is literally painful. I have sat through a lot of long movies, and this one is another one of those where I felt like my bladder was going to explode, and I did go to the bathroom before the movie started, so I can't be the only one at fault! It is my mission to sit through the whole freaking movie to give it a fair review, and the movie had to have been two and a half hours long!
Now here comes my thoughts on the action, brace yourselves!
It's better than the Craptain America action, that's for sure. I mean, some parts aren't that impressive, but there is a scene on a boat that is a good scene. But then there's the climax which is very underwhelming, I wouldn't even call it an action scene, I would just call it a "thing happens" scene, because that's all I saw. A thing happening, no fight, just a thing.
Then there is the after credits nonsense. I call it nonsense this time, because there is a mid credits scene, and I heard there was an after credits scene too that I should stick around for, so I finally had my bathroom break while the credits were rolling, then I came back, wondering what they could possibly tease after the mid credits scene...
Guys, it is the worst post credits scene I have ever seen! It purposefully trolls the audience that waited patiently for this mystery scene, not knowing what they were going to get, and gave us the biggest "f**k you" they could possibly give!
That is the full story behind my opening quote. That made me snap unprofessionally when there were people both behind me, and in front of me, not to mention right next to me!
I really feel bad after my moment of outrage, I try to be above that kind of behavior, but I just lost control, so I'm sorry guys, a Spider-Man movie actually made me snap!
So for the first time, I'm giving it two ratings, one without the after credits scene just to be merciful, and one with the after credits scene because that was not pretty!
Without the after credits scene it gets a 3 out of 10 which is wasteful.
With the after credits scene, I give it a 2 out of 10, it's freaking sucky!
So yeah, another weaker installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and a tragedy that I actually hated a Spider-Man movie. I didn't even hate Sam Rami's first Spider-Man movie, but this movie pushed me too far.
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