NOT MUCH NEW IN THE SCI-FI HORROR GENRE, BUT IT’S GOT TALENT AND TERROR!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
We were better off alone in Life
No, this is not a prequel to the Venommovie, just letting you know, now that I got that out of the way, let’s talk about Life. The latest film in the “Trapped in Space” sci-fi horror genre that Ridley Scott’s Alien made popular back in 1979.
The film is directed by Daniel Espinosa (Easy Money, Safe House, Child 44) and was originally supposed to be directed by Byron Howard, yeah, the director of Tangled and co-director of Zootopia was set to direct a movie where an alien creature kills people in grotesque, horrifying ways. The marketing of the movie doesn’t show much which adds to the suspense and made me say “Whoa, how the hell does that happen? I won’t be able to sleep until I find out what it is”.
So, I went to see it opening weekend and…it’s a decent horror flick but with LOTS of creative kills. At least from what I saw, the plot of the movie is very reminiscent of Alien meets Gravity where a group of people are trapped in space with an extraterrestrial life form out to kill them.
The film follows a six-member astronaut crew aboard the International Space Station, senior medical officer, Dr. David Jordan (Jake Gyllenhaal-Donnie Darko, Prisoners, Nightcrawler), Quarantine officer, Dr. Miranda North (Rebecca Ferguson-Hercules (2014), Mission: Impossible: Rogue Nation, The Girl on the Train), American engineer, Rory “Roy” Adams (Ryan Reynolds-National Lampoon’s Van Wilder, The Proposal,Deadpool), space station pilot, Sho Kendo (Hiroyuki Sanada-Ringu 1 and 2, Sunshine, Mr. Holmes), biologist, Hugh Derry (Ariyon Bakare-The Dark Knight, Jupiter Ascending, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story), and commander, Katerina Golovkina (newcomer, Olga Dihovichnaya) on the cutting edge of discovering something astounding, the first evidence of extraterrestrial life on Mars. A multi-celled organism that reacts to stimuli, however as soon as the crew begin their research they realize the creature may be more intelligent than it looks.
And then, terror begins as the creature starts axing off the crew one by one in grotesque ways. Not to mention, they soon discover the creature has been responsible for destroying all life on Mars and must fend off the alien before it can make it to Earth or humanity will be extinct.
Overall, Life is short on creative storytelling, but makes up for it with solid acting and gruesome terror. I mean it, the kills in this movie get very brutal and watching it on IMAX made me have flashbacks of when I saw Prometheus for the first time in 2012.
Now that I think about it, Life is more reminiscent to Prometheus than it is to Alien when it comes to its gruesome kills, the creature squeezes someone’s hand to the point where it breaks and it reminded me of the alien snake attack scene in Prometheus. Still, quite worthy of the R-rating, even though it’ll probably be forgotten when Alien: Covenant comes out later on this year.
Besides the gore, the acting is quite good, Jake Gyllenhaal’s performance is solid as a doctor who prefers to be in space than on Earth, Ryan Reynolds cracks a lot of jokes, though at times I wonder if he forgot that this isn’t a Deadpool movie, Ariyon Bakare and Olga Dihovichnaya aren’t household names yet but I hope they go places, because they do a great job portraying Hugh and Katerina in this film, specifically Bakare, everything he says sounds interesting and makes me want to follow him throughout the film.
The camera work and visuals are spectacular, the way the movie is shot feels like you’re in the spaceship, and the design of the alien creature is very unique. Almost like a weird intergalactic jellyfish that has a craving for human blood, finally a movie with an alien that doesn’t look like something H.R. Giger made.
If you’re a fan of Alien or even Danny Boyle’s Sunshine, or just looking for a thrilling and terrifying experience in space, Life is worth a viewing. Don’t expect a horror masterpiece but you can expect thrills, gore, and disgust.
IT’S CORNY, BUT QUITE FUN!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
(From left to right) Black Ranger, Yellow Ranger, Red Ranger, Pink Ranger, and Blue Ranger ready to morph in Power Rangers
Okay, a lot of you know that I’m a sucker for superhero movies, then again who isn’t these days? Avengers, Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, X-Men, Ninja Turtles; chances are I’ll be in the theater watching it.
But, here’s a confession from someone who is usually a fan of these types of franchises, I never really got into Power Rangers. Yeah, Saban’s phenomenal hybrid of teenage superheroes, Godzilla-style monsters, and giant robots battling in a very campy way, for some reason I couldn’t get into it that much.
Not because Power Rangers was bad or anything (though you could debate if it’s actually a good franchise) but as a child I thought it was a little too cheesy for my taste (and this is coming from a guy who watched Sonic X as a kid, but I digress), though I did watch an episode or two in my lifetime. But, it was a huge success with a lot of kids and became the next best franchise since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Take some notes Cheetahmen).
Toys, Halloween costumes, other versions of the show, cosplays at conventions, video games, and of course movies. Two films that tied directly to the TV series it’s based on, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie from 1995, which was so laughably bad, its 1997 sequel, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, which was bad but had much better special effects (for a Power Rangers movie), and now a reboot of the franchise directed by Dean Israelite (Project Almanac) and features a brand-new cast as the show’s iconic characters.
At first, I wasn’t sure what to think of the new Power Rangers movie when I first saw the trailer and ads. I was intrigued by the marketing of the film but it looked like it was severely lacking the campy action scenes and corny dialogue, and a certain trainwreck from 2015 suffered from that (No, not that Trainwreck!).
But, seeing how I have been known for seeing movies like this, I paid my ticket, sat down, and gave the new film a watch. I was pleasantly surprised; Power Rangers was actually a pretty solid flick.
I was expecting something more along the lines of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Transformersmovie, very stupid and overblown by special effects and annoying characters. Well, for a Power Rangers movie, the characters are developed pretty well, the story is brilliant, and despite having a “slightly” darker tone, the over-the-top action, corny one-liners, humor, and spirit of its source material are still present.
Set in the fictional town of Angel Grove, the film follows a group of wise-cracking teenage outcasts, star quarterback, Jason Lee Scott (Dacre Montgomery-Stranger Things) who got suspended from the football team, placed under house arrest, and is required to spend every Saturday in detention after a crazy prank he pulled on his rival team, autistic nerd, Billy Cranston (RJ Cyler-Me and Earl and the Dying Girl), and former cheerleader, Kimberly Hart (Naomi Scott-Terra Nova, The 33, The Martian) who is there after supposed rumors of her knocking her ex-boyfriend’s teeth out. The three of them start hanging out at these mines where Billy’s deceased father worked at.
Suddenly an explosion appears, catching the attention of two of their other classmates, Zack Taylor (Ludi Lin-Marco Polo, Monster Hunt) and Trini Kwan (Becky G-Austin & Ally, Empire) and the five teens discover these mysterious artifacts called Power Coins. Each of them take a different colored coin and end up getting superpowers.
The group comes across an ancient spaceship and where they meet a talking robot named Alpha 5 (voiced by Bill Hader-Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, Men in Black 3, Inside Out) and Zordon (voiced by Bryan Cranston-Breaking Bad, Godzilla (2014), Trumbo), the original Red Ranger who lived billions of years ago until his consciousness was uploaded into the ship’s matrix at his moment of death. Zordon and Alpha 5 explain that the five teens were chosen to become a team of heroes known as the Power Rangers to combat the evil alien invader and former Green Ranger, Rita Repulsa (Elizabeth Banks-Spider-Man trilogy, The Hunger Games franchise, The Lego Movie) who plans to steal the Zeo Crystal, the artifact that gives the Rangers their powers, and unleash her monstrous creation, Goldar on the world.
So, it’s up to the Power Rangers to unlock their Morphing abilities, morph into their Ranger armor, and use their giant robot dinosaurs called Zords, weapons, and combat skills to battle Rita and save the world.
Overall, Power Rangers is dumb fun that feels very satisfying after you watch it, the action is exciting, some of the lines get a good laugh, and offers plenty of fan-service to those who watched the show or grew up with it. Although something I should address with this movie, don’t expect much Morphing in this movie, the first half of the film is buildup and backstory, which is appropriate being a reboot and you need to introduce these characters and story elements so people who have never seen Power Rangers before can follow along, they don’t even get into their armor until right before the climax.
Unlike the 2015 Fantastic Four movie which suffered from uninteresting characters, dull storytelling, and a lack of action Power Rangers’ characters have fun, crack jokes, and have chemistry. Not once did I want to fall asleep, granted I would have liked to see more Morphing and Zord action but I enjoyed the characters and acting, especially Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa, she is such a joy to watch and it looks like she’s having fun with her role, spot on.
Besides the lack of Ranger action, what does kill the film for me is its use of product placement, remember the infamous 1997 action movie, Double Team which literally played out like a giant ad for Coca-Cola? Well, this movie is a giant ad for Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, I’m not kidding, it plays a part in the story.
But with that said, the first half of the movie is great storytelling, the final act is fun but ridiculous, and if you’re a fan of Power Rangers or looking for some dumb, cheesy, enjoyment, grab your friends, Morph, and Go, Go Power Rangers!
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST:
HAS NOTHING ON THE 1991 ORIGINAL, BUT THE ELEGANCE AND MAGIC OF ITS STORY SHINE THROUGH!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast
After the major success of last year’s Jungle Book and 2015’s Cinderella, Disneyhas now given us a live-action reimagining of one of the most beloved stories of all time, Beauty and the Beast. Like many, I wasn’t entirely onboard for a remake of the 1991 animated film, not because it sounded bad or anything like that, but nothing could top the original classic.
Disney’s animated Beauty and the Beast is a timeless classic, no matter what age or gender you are, admit it, you were under the magical spell of that film. It was a huge hit in 1991 following the success of The Little Mermaid in 1989, helped kick off the Disney Renaissance with Aladdin the following year and especially The Lion King in 1994, and became the first animated feature to be nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards.
How do you top that with live-action? You don’t, but you do get a solid retelling of the story on its own. That’s where the new Beauty and the Beast film comes in, directed by Bill Condon (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Parts 1 and 2, The Fifth Estate, Mr. Holmes) and starring cinema sweetheart, Emma Watson (Harry Potter franchise, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Noah) as Belle.
Despite being played by the numbers from the original for the most part, the movie is absolutely gorgeous to watch from a visual perspective, lots of gold and sparkle everywhere (Debatably more golden than Belle’s dress in the movie), and very reminiscent to the production design from Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella. I saw the film in IMAX 3D and every scene in the Beast’s castle feels huge and you almost forget you’re in a movie theater, you can tell this is a film that’s made for IMAX.
Once upon a time, there was a young prince who was spoiled and cruel to everyone, with absolutely no love in his heart. One day a sorceress curses the prince and transforms him into a vicious beast and gives him a magic rose that, if he does not find true love before the last pedal falls, will turn him into a beast forever.
That’s where our heroine comes in, a French village girl and bookworm named Belle (Watson) who is tired of her life in the village and searches for something more. The other villagers question her fascination for books and is constantly stalked by the narcissistic but hunky town hero, Gaston (Luke Evans-Clash of the Titans, The Hobbit trilogy, Fast & Furious 6) who is determined to marry her, with the aid of his dim-witted lackey, LeFou (Josh Gad-Ice Age: Continental Drift, Frozen, The Angry Birds Movie).
Suddenly Belle’s father, Maurice (Kevin Kline-A Fish Called Wanda, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Ricki and the Flash) has been captured and taken prisoner one night by the Beast (Dan Stevens-Downton Abbey, The Guest, A Walk Among the Tombstones) and comes to his rescue.
Belle urges the Beast to let her father go and she’ll take his place, the Beast accepts and Belle spends the rest of her days in his castle. In time the two of them get along and eventually fall in love with each other, quite possibly their love will be strong enough to break the spell.
The film also stars Ewan McGregor (Star Wars: Episodes I-III, Big Fish, Robots) as the voice of Lumiére, Stanley Tucci (Julie & Julia, Captain America: The First Avenger, Transformers: Age of Extinction) as the voice of Maestro Cadenza, Ian McKellen (X-Men franchise, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Hobbittrilogy) as Cogsworth, Emma Thompson (Nanny McPhee, Brave, Saving Mr. Banks) as the voice of Mrs. Potts, Audra McDonald (Seven Servants, Rampart, Ricki and the Flash) as Madame de Garderobe, Gugu Mbatha-Raw (Larry Crowne, Belle, Miss Sloane) as Plumette, newcomer, Nathan Mack as the voice of Chip, Adrian Schiller (The Hour We Knew Nothing Of Each Other, The Danish Girl, Suffragette) as Monsieur D’Arque, Hattie Morahan (The Bank Job, Mr. Holmes, Alice Through the Looking Glass) as Agathe, Gerard Horan (Much Ado About Nothing, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Doctor Who) as Monsieur Jean Potts, and Henry Garrett (Atlantis, Zero Dark Thirty, Poldark) as The King.
Overall, Beauty and the Beast is a well-made re-imagining of the animated classic, even if the story itself is by the numbers and doesn’t do much to differentiate itself from the 1991 movie. The visuals, production design, and performances for the most part are more than worth the price of admission.
Emma Watson’s no Paige O’Hara but her portrayal of Belle is solid, she’s definitely beautiful and won me over many times as an actress (Not just the Harry Potter films). Granted her singing voice is very hit or miss, it shows that Watson knows the story well, and she and the Beast have decent chemistry together.
Dan Stevens portrays the Beast decently, though he’s not as intimidating as the animated Beast, he plays the part fine and the design of the Beast is pretty cool, even if it’s obviously CG’d. I would have been more impressed if the Beast was made through makeup, because you would actually have a Beast in front of the camera.
Luke Evans is a lot of fun as Gaston, he’s charming, very funny, and when necessary threatening, I don’t think he’s as enjoyable as Gaston from the animated film but that seems unfair. Josh Gad gets some funny lines once in a while as LeFou, even if his performance feels like a dim-witted rehash of Olaf from Frozen.
Song wise, not much to say, it’s the exact same songs from the animated movie, literally right down to having Alan Menken compose the film’s score. Be Our Guest, Something There, and of course Beauty and the Beast, all the iconic songs are present here so I doubt no rage here.
If you enjoyed the 2015 Cinderella or last year’s Jungle Book, you should be satisfied with Disney’s new Beauty and the Beast film. Don’t expect it to top the original, but you can expect a magical experience.
KONG: SKULL ISLAND:
GORILLA SIZED POPCORN FUN, BUT NOT MUCH ELSE!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
WARNER BROS. PICTURES
(From left to right) Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, and Samuel L. Jackson fighting for survival in Kong: Skull Island
What is this, like, the eighth film based on the iconic movie monster, King Kong? Alright! It’s amazing after all the Jurassic Parks, Marvels, Transformers, and whatever else is popular right now, classic movie monsters like Godzilla and King Kong still manage to last for many years.
The original 1933 King Kong film is a timeless classic and still dazzles movie-watchers even to this day and spawned a sequel, Son of Kong (which came out the exact same year as the first movie BTW!), the 1949 Oscar winning standalone film, Mighty Joe Young, two films released by Toho including the original King Kong VS Godzilla, and of course the 2005 remake directed by Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame. Now because every movie studio wants to be like Marvel these days (DC, Universal Monsters, %^&*ing Transformers is becoming one!), we have Kong: Skull Island, directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts (Death Valley, The Kings of Summer, Nick Offerman: American Ham), the second installment of Legendary Pictures’ “Monster-Verse”, the first being 2014’s Godzilla, which will eventually lead to a rematch of King Kong VS Godzilla in 2020.
I wasn’t expecting this film to surpass the 1933 classic and let’s face it, nothing can top that landmark film. But seeing how I enjoyed the 2014 Godzilla film and was already dazzled in 2005 by Peter Jackson’s King Kong, I was curious to see how this film would turn out.
It’s monster movie fun, and that’s about it, I appreciate Skull Island for not being another remake of the same King Kong story because we got plenty of those. The action is exhilarating and the performances by Tom Hiddleston (Marvel Cinematic Universe, War Horse, Crimson Peak), Samuel L. Jackson (Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, Marvel Cinematic Universe), John Goodman (The Big Lebowski, Flight, 10 Cloverfield Lane), and John C. Reilly (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Wreck-It Ralph, Guardians of the Galaxy) are decent.
Unfortunately, the script isn’t written that well, at times the effects are lousy, the characters aren’t very engaging, and the pacing gets sluggish. Really, whenever you’re at a scene that doesn’t involve Hiddleston, Goodman, Jackson, Reilly, or any of the Skull Island monsters, the movie is kind of boring.
As much as the Peter Jackson movie drags, at least it’s a solid visual spectacle from start to finish, and the characters are developed well enough for someone to have an emotional connection with. Fortunately, Skull Island makes up for its mediocre storytelling and forgettable characters with some exciting action sequences and in terms of runtime, you won’t have bladder issues in the third act.
Set in 1973, the film follows former British Special Air Services Captain James Conrad (Hiddleston) being hired by government agent, Bill Randa (Goodman) to lead an expedition to map out an uncharted island in the Pacific Ocean known as Skull Island. Accompanying him is the Sky Devils helicopter squadron led by Lieutenant Colonel Preston Packard (Jackson), who is recruited by Randa to escort him to the island as well as pacifist photojournalist, Mason Weaver (Brie Larson-21 Jump Street, Trainwreck, Room), who believes the expedition is a cover for a military operation and is determined to expose it.
Upon getting to Skull Island, Packard’s men start dropping explosives to determine if the ground is hollow, but unknowingly they awaken a species of monsters called Skull Crushers (I didn’t name them, John C. Reilly did) bent on destroying them. Not to mention the hollow ground operation ends with the Sky Devils squadron being attacked by a 100-foot-tall ape that rules the island, Kong.
Randa explains the true purpose of the expedition, to acquire proof of monstrous creatures that have been forgotten by humanity to prepare for their inevitable return. Meanwhile Packard and his men search for the survivors of Kong’s rampage, one of which being his right-hand man, Major Jack Chapman (Toby Kebbell-Control, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, A Monster Calls).
The expedition crew and helicopter squadron encounter Skull Crushers, ugly-ass birds, natives, a stranded pilot named Hank Marlow (Reilly) who has been stuck on Skull Island since World War II, and of course Kong on their journey to get off the island before humanity belongs to the monsters.
Overall, Kong: Skull Island is fun at best, but boring at its worst, all the scenes involving Kong and the other monsters are awesome, but when the film focuses on the human characters to discuss their mission or give the history of Skull Island, it really drags the movie to a crawl. The main reason is the characters aren’t that interesting, Hiddleston, Jackson, Reilly, and Goodman’s performances are good but their characters are forgettable, Hiddleston’s just the typical protagonist, Jackson is the angry colonel with a thirst for blood, Reilly’s a nutcase, and Goodman’s performance feels like a rehash of his performance from 10 Cloverfield Lane.
You’re pretty much stuck with these poorly-written characters just waiting for them to get attacked by monsters. Remember how Godzilla was lacking screen-time in the 2014 Godzilla movie? Well, this movie has the opposite problem for me, I wanted more engaging human characters so I can be emotionally invested in them and not have to wait, and wait, and wait for the next Kong appearance.
The effects are a mixed bag, at times they’re impressive and exciting to watch, but other times they look laughably bad and obviously green-screened. We’re in 2017 right now but the CGI in Peter Jackson’s 2005 King Kong still looks much more impressive than the CG in this.
Also the action kind of lacks variety, when you really get down to it, it’s Kong fighting the same monsters all throughout the film. Again, going back to Peter Jackson’s movie, despite its long running time, there was a lot of variety of action sequences in the film, Kong battled a T-Rex, giant insects, and of course the climax on the Empire State Building.
But with that said, the things that are good are very good, there’s so many cool moments in the movie that makes it hard for me not to recommend a viewing. It isn’t a bad movie, Kong: Skull Island delivers exactly what it advertises, so if you’re a fan of monster movies, you’ll have a blast, but if you’re looking for strong characters to get emotionally attached to, this isn’t your flick.
A BRUTAL BUT SATISFYING SENDOFF FOR HUGH JACKMAN!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: **** out of 4
20TH CENTURY FOX AND MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT
Hugh Jackman dons the Wolverine claws for the last time in Logan
Hugh Jackman (The Prestige, Prisoners, Eddie the Eagle) and The Wolverine director, James Mangold (Identity, Walk the Line, 3:10 to Yuma) return in Logan, the tenth installment of the long-running X-Men film franchise based on the Marvel Comics series of the same name, the third installment of the Wolverine trilogy, and the second X-Men film to receive an R-rating (the first being last year’s Deadpool). Not to mention the final portrayal of Wolverine by Jackman, and man, do they knock it out of the park.
Not only could it be one of the best X-Men films of all time, but quite possibly the best X-Men film ever made…period! This movie earns the R-rating with its violence and basically it’s the complete opposite tone than Deadpool.
You know how in Deadpool, the violence and gore had more of a comedic edge? Logan on the other hand is absolutely brutal and serious from start to finish, do not take your kids to this one, I cannot stress this enough. Violence aside, what really makes Logan a contender for the best X-Men movie ever is its themes and story. The movie is based off the Old Man Logan story arc of the X-Men comic books and has a much more depressing tone than other X-Men movies, at least from what I saw, it’s probably the tone the 2009 film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was trying to go for but failed.
The film is pretty much an emotional drama that you would probably see nominated at the Oscars but with lots of excitement thrown in. It’s not like a movie that makes you sob your eyes out all the way through, the characters take time to show emotion and have fun when necessary.
Granted like most Marvel movies, there is humor thrown in but it is seriously kept to a minimum this time around. Nowhere nearly as much comedy as a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie or Deadpool.
Set in the year, 2029 where mutants have practically gone extinct, the film follows a washed-up, Logan/Wolverine (Jackman), who’s healing abilities have weakened severely and has been drowning in booze in a hideout on a remote stretch of the Mexican border with an aging Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart-Star Trek: The Next Generation, Steamboy, Green Room) who now suffers from seizures and dementia. But Logan’s attempts at hiding out from humans end when a mysterious woman comes into the picture with an urgent request, bring an extraordinary young girl named Laura/X-23 (Played by newcomer, Dafne Keen) to safety from a group of men out to capture her, calling themselves the Reavers led by the ruthless, Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook-Milk, A Walk Among the Tombstones, Gone Girl), with a metal arm but he’s no Winter Soldier.
Soon enough, Logan discovers that the girl is a mutant very similar to him, with retractable metal blades and a feisty attitude, who was created in a laboratory that experimented on mutant children to turn them into super soldiers (Kind of like Captain America’s story, except WAAAAAAAAAAAY more fucked up!). Logan’s claws come out once again as he and Charles make it their mission to bring Laura to the Mexican border and cross it to escape so mutants will continue to live on.
The film also stars Richard E. Grant (Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Gosford Park, Jackie) as Zander Rice, Stephen Merchant (The Office UK, Hot Fuzz, The Invention of Lying) as Caliban, Elizabeth Rodriguez (New York Undercover, Orange is the New Black, Fear the Walking Dead) as Gabriella, Eriq La Salle (ER, The Salton Sea, The Twilight Zone) as Will Munson, and Elise Neal (Hustle & Flow, The Soul Man, Scandal) as Will’s wife, Kathryn Munson.
Overall, Logan is a satisfying final portrayal of Wolverine by Jackman and by far the saddest installment of the X-Men franchise. The emotion is cranked up to “Academy Award Nominated” level and by the end, you’ll pretty much be emotionally destroyed, which is very odd because the movie starts off hilariously but ends depressingly (and if you’ve seen the movie, you know exactly what I’m talking about).
You get emotionally attached to Logan and Charles in this movie and want to see them succeed in keeping this girl safe. Not to mention just looking at an aged Wolverine and Charles Xavier is enough for me to start sobbing my ass off, just throwing that out there.
I’m so used to seeing Wolverine as this badass superhero, now he’s kind of a washed-up jerk and you feel very bad for him. Charles Xavier with dementia is very surreal and took me a while to get used to because again, he was the man of reason in the earlier films, now he’s a seizure experiencing, demented old man on the brink of death.
Strangely enough, I took this movie much more seriously than the entire Christopher Nolan Dark Knight trilogy. Don’t get me wrong, I love those movies, but the way Logan’s story is told here feels like an X-Men story that could be real in the future, if we actually had mutants.
If you’re a fan of the X-Men franchise, you’re definitely not going to want to miss Logan, it’s quite an emotional journey and a perfect farewell to one of the coolest superheroes of all time.
JORDAN PEELE DELIVERS ONE CREEPY FEATURE AND AN ASTOUNDING DIRECTORIAL DEBUT!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: **** out of 4
You don’t belong in this neighborhood, Get Out
When you think of Jordan Peele (MADtv, Key & Peele, Keanu) of Comedy Central’s Key & Peele fame, you probably wouldn’t think of horror. Well, say hello to his first film as a director, Get Out, the latest horror film produced by Jason Blum (Paranormal Activity franchise, The Gift, Split) and I won’t be lying if I said this is one of the best horror movies I’ve seen in a long time.
Remember when The Sixth Sense came out and M. Night Shyamalan delivered a phenomenal directorial debut, this movie does the exact same thing to Jordan Peele. He masterfully takes a very realistic concept and makes a scary flick out of it, nothing supernatural, no demonic possessions, no slasher movie tropes, just one seriously messed up neighborhood with a dark secret.
The only way I can describe it without giving anything away is, imagine Selma or Straight Outta Compton mixed with Nightmare on Elm Street. I’ve never really been scared of horror movies that much, but this one, Oh My God, it’s horrifying in all the right ways.
The camera work, set design, tone, music, and acting all set the mood phenomenally, and the film really takes its time with the subject matter and doesn’t jump right into gory slasher territory like most films in the genre these days. It builds up an uncomfortable atmosphere, develops its characters very well, and makes you ask questions about both the movie and what’s going on in real life.
The film follows a man named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya-Skins, Kick-Ass 2, Sicario) traveling for a getaway upstate with his girlfriend, Rose (Allison Williams-Girls, The Mindy Project, The Simpsons) to meet her parents. At first, it’s kind of nice, her family seems friendly and the neighborhood looks lovely, it’s a dream vacation, at least that’s what they think.
As the film progresses, Chris notices that the people in the neighborhood are acting strange and what starts off as a pleasant vacation becomes an uncomfortable nightmare. A series of disturbing discoveries about the family, house, and neighborhood in general lead him to a shocking truth that he could have never imagined.
The film also stars Catherine Keener (Being John Malkovich, Capote, Synecdoche, New York) as Missy Armitage, Erika Alexander (Living Single, Déjà vu, Last Man Standing) as Detective Latoya, Bradley Whitford (Bottle Shock, The Cabin in the Woods, Saving Mr. Banks) as Dean Armitage, Caleb Landry Jones (Friday Night Lights, The Last Exorcism, X-Men: First Class) as Jeremy Armitage, Lil Rel Howery (In Living Color, Friends of the People, The Carmichael Show) as Rod Williams, Keith Stanfield (Short Term 12, Selma, Straight Outta Compton) as Andre “Logan” Hayworth, and Stephen Root (Office Space, Cedar Rapids, Selma) as Jim Hudson.
Overall, Get Out is a fantastic movie and a refreshing take on the horror genre, quite possibly the most realistic scary movie I’ve ever seen. The movie takes racism and makes a scary flick out of it, and Jordan Peele does it perfectly.
It’s a movie that really made me think about what’s going on in the world, the movie is a work of fiction, but its subject matter is very real. I’m hoping this film does well at box office because I really want to see Jordan Peele tackle more horror movies, don’t support Universal by watching Fifty Shades Darker, support them by using your money for this instead.
Something this original doesn’t come out that often, all throughout the movie, I was hooked. I had no idea where the movie was going and the final act will shock the hell out of you, it almost felt like a good Shyamalan twist.
What Get Out does that I really applaud it for is making me care about the characters involved in the horror situation. The film doesn’t write Chris and his girlfriend as typical horror movie stereotypes but instead as ACTUAL PEOPLE! The acting and writing feel natural and you get attached to this couple and even with the two main characters, the film manages to throw a few twists their way.
I also appreciate the film for blending horror with some comedy, it’s not as obvious as other horror films that try to have humor, but once in a while a character will have a funny response to a situation or a comment. The humor helps make the characters feel more alive and human, even if at times they sound robotic.
Again, I hope this movie makes money at the box office because Jordan Peele could be the next Shyamalan in terms of horror. He’s proven himself as a funny actor many times before, but now he’s proven himself to be a brilliant horror director.
Get Out and see this movie, I don’t care what kind of movies you like, this is a thought-provoking, chilling experience that also delivers social commentary on what’s happening now.
THE GREAT WALL:
MATT DAMON WITH A LAUGHABLE ACCENT KICKS MONSTER BUTT IN CHINA!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
(From left to right) Pedro Pascal, Jing Tian, Matt Damon, Zhang Hanyu, and Willem Dafoe in The Great Wall
What do you get when you combine American and Chinese filmmaking? An odd but exciting fantasy movie, The Great Wall. Directed by Zhang Yimou (Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Curse of the Golden Flower) and starring Matt Damon (Bournefranchise, Ocean’s trilogy, The Martian), the film takes something so historical and iconic as the Great Wall of China and make a fictional story behind it.
I wasn’t sure what to expect with this movie when I first saw the trailer before Universal’s Jason Bourne, but its concept, monsters attacking the Great Wall of China, got me interested. When the film was released, I caught a showing of it in IMAX 3D, sat down in the theater, and watched it, it’s fun.
Not great but I wouldn’t call it horrible, the movie is far from being an accurate representation the Great Wall of China and goes for simple entertainment. And for the most part, it succeeded, exciting action, colorful visuals, and a laughably bad Matt Damon accent, lots of joy was had.
Set during the Song dynasty in ancient China, legends have been told that the Great Wall of China has been built to fight off a race of ancient monsters hell-bent on killing and eating humans, dead or alive. After a monster attack, archer, William (Damon) and his brother, Tovar (Pedro Pascal-The Adjustment Bureau, Game of Thrones, Kingsman: The Golden Circle) are taken to the Great Wall to help an army of Chinese soldiers called the Nameless Order, led by General Shao (Zhang Hanyu-Assembly, Back to 1942, Mr. Six) and Strategist Wang (Andy Lau-Casino Tycoon, Drunken Master II and III, Firestorm) fend off the vicious beasts.
William and Tovar’s fighting skills earn the trust of Commander Lin (Jing Tian-Police Story 2013, Kong: Skull Island, Pacific Rim: Uprising), leader of the Crane Troop and eventually meet Sir Ballard (Willem Dafoe-Spider-Man, Finding Nemo, Daybreakers) who has been searching many years for black powder to destroy the monsters. So, it’s up to them to discover the monsters’ weakness and save China before total annihilation.
The film also stars Eddie Peng (All About Women, Tai Chi 0, Operation Mekong) as Commander Wu, Lu Han (20 Once Again, 12 Golden Ducks, Time Raiders) as Peng Yong, and Lin Gengxin (Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon, Dancing Legend, The Taking of Tiger Mountain) as Commander Chen.
Overall, The Great Wall is a mostly entertaining fantasy movie, the action is fun to watch, the visuals are impressive, and the stunt work is fantastic. But I’m not going to lie, the movie goes downhill when it attempts to develop its characters, Matt Damon is pretty forgettable in this movie, despite having a lot of badass moments in action, and his accent is so awful, and if you’re familiar with Willem Dafoe’s acting career, you will figure out very quickly what his character is going to do before the end.
Another problem I had with the movie was, while the monsters had a pretty unique design, they lack variety. Really, it’s like an army of Chinese soldiers battling an army of the exact same monster, not even one dragon in the entire movie, missed opportunity.
Don’t expect to be emotionally invested in the story, if you just want to watch some crazy action sequences for a couple hours, The Great Wall could be a satisfying visit. But ONLY if XXX: Return of Xander Cage or The Lego Batman Movie aren’t playing.
THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE:
HOLY “BLOCK-BUSTER”, BATMAN, THIS MOVIE IS FUN!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** ½ out of 4
WARNER BROS. PICTURES
Batman ready to save the world in The Lego Batman Movie
After the massive success of 2014’s The Lego Movie, it only figures to create a Lego Cinematic Universe (after all, that’s where the money’s at these days), and who better to start it than DC’s beloved Caped Crusader, Batman? Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Blades of Glory, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)) returns as the voice of the cocky, beatboxing superhero, Batman in The Lego Batman Movie, and he may very well be the funniest Batman we’ve ever had (Intentionally).
The movie brilliantly satirizes Batman’s long history, several references to the Christopher Nolan movies, Batman v. Superman, the Tim Burton movies, Batman: The Animated Series, the 60s Adam West show, there’s even a couple references to the original 1940s movie serials and Batman Beyond in here. Lego Batmansucceeds at compiling several Batman elements together, something Zack Snyder failed at last year.
It doesn’t stop there, with all the chaos and insanity happening in this movie, The Lego Batman Moviealso has a lot of heart. The characters are developed very well in this movie, and it teaches a strong lesson about family, with no whiny Chris O’Donnell Robin in sight to ruin the moment, but I digress.
The film follows billionaire, Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman, just doing what he does best, fighting bad guys, keeping Gotham City safe, and of course looking really cool while doing so. However, Bruce Wayne unintentionally adopts a young, energetic, orphan named Dick Grayson AKA Robin (voiced by Michael Cera-Arrested Development, Juno, Scott Pilgrim VS The World) and tries to come to terms with being both Batman and a father.
But when a mission to stop his arch-nemesis, the Joker (voiced by Zach Galifianakis-The Hangovertrilogy, Puss in Boots, The Campaign) from destroying the city goes horribly wrong, when he tells the Joker that he means nothing to him as an enemy, the Joker enters the Phantom Zone where he unleashes an army of villains onto Gotham City, all because Batman hurt his feelings.
So, it’s up to Batman to be aware of his greatest flaw as a superhero, he “Works Alone” and learn how to work with a team to save the day. Batman, his butler, Alfred (voiced by Ralph Fiennes-The English Patient, Harry Potter franchise, James Bond franchise), Robin, and Barbara Gordon/Batgirl (voiced by Rosario Dawson-Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Unstoppable, Ratchet & Clank) must join forces to stop the Joker and become the best “Bat-Family” ever.
The film also features the voices of singer, Mariah Carey (You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Lee Daniels’ The Butler, Popstar: Never Stop, Never Stopping) as Mayor McCaskill, Jenny Slate (Obvious Child, Zootopia, The Secret Life of Pets) as Harley Quinn, Siri as the Batcomputer (I’m not making this up!), Billy Dee Williams (Star Wars: Episodes V and VI, Batman (1989), Fanboys) reprising his role from Tim Burton’s Batman as Harvey Dent/Two-Face, Héctor Elizondo (Pretty Woman, Runaway Bride, Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman) as Commissioner Gordon, Conan O’Brien (Saturday Night Live, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns: Part 2) as The Riddler, Jason Mantzoukas (The League, Regular Show, Regular Show: The Movie) as Scarecrow, Doug Benson (Friends, Curb Your Enthusiasm, How I Met Your Mother) as Bane, Zoe Kravitz (The Divergent Series, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) as Catwoman, Kate Micucci (Teen Titans Go, Rio 2, The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water) as Clayface, Riki Lindhome (Gilmore Girls, Million Dollar Baby, Adventure Time) as Poison Ivy, Channing Tatum (G.I. Joe, 21 Jump Street, The Book of Life) as Superman, Jonah Hill (Horton Hears a Who, Moneyball, 21 Jump Street) as Green Lantern, and Adam DeVine (Workaholics, Pitch Perfect, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates) as The Flash.
Overall, The Lego Batman Movie is an absolute blast, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the best Batman movie since The Dark Knight. The action is spectacular, the comedic timing is excellent, and just about every reference to Batman in the past is a hilarious throwback to the past.
As I mentioned before, the characters in this movie are strong, you feel for Batman as a character in this, despite being kind of a jerk and fool of himself, he shows that he can see the flaws in himself and change for the best, I actually care about Lego Batman so much more than Ben Affleck in the DC Universe. Robin is also very likable in this, and it helps that he isn’t a damsel in distress this time around, he’s capable of helping Batman fight bad guys, has a good heart, and even delivers some really funny lines, also Michael Cera’s voice, perfect casting.
Zach Galifianakis is funny as the Joker, and his take on the character is very refreshing, what he’s trying to accomplish in this movie is all because Batman doesn’t give his arch-nemesis the proper respect he deserves as a villain, kind of like if Wreck-It Ralph was a villain throughout most of that movie, and you actually feel bad for the Joker, so next time I watch him stab a man’s eye with a pencil, I’ll cry a little.
What more can I say? Dazzling animation, thrilling action, lots of humor and heart, nostalgia, and plenty of unexpected surprises that only a Lego movie could do. Granted, I didn’t think the resolution of this film was as strong as The Lego Movie, but it does teach the importance of family and looking after one another, even if your dad dresses up like a Bat every night.
A LAZY, UNIMAGINATIVE REHASH OF ITS PREDECESSORS THAT FAILS TO DELIVER SCARES!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: * out of 4
Samara is back to reign more terror in Rings
READER ADVISORY: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS INTENSE RANTING AND SOME LANGUAGE!
First You Watch It, Then You Die, not only is that an appropriate tagline for the third installment of the Ring trilogy, but my review of it in a nutshell. I’d rather be drowning in Samara’s well than analyze this atrocious movie, I’m DEAD ^%&#ING SERIOUS!
The first film released back in 2002 under direction by Gore Verbinski and starred Naomi Watts was a critical and commercial hit as well as a refreshing return to the Horror genre’s original, suspenseful roots. It did not rely on gore or any of the typical slasher movie tropes that were popular at the time, but instead an eerie, mysterious thriller with a brilliant concept and strong characters, not to mention it was one of three films that made a star out of Daveigh Chase, the other two being Disney’s Lilo & Stitch and the English dub of Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away.
It helps that The Ring also happens to be one of the best Hollywood film remakes, I haven’t seen the original Japanese film, Ringu in a long time, but I appreciate that the American remake can stand on its own quite nicely. Not to mention The Ring was the film responsible for inspiring Hollywood to remake other Japanese horror movies, most notably The Grudge.
That is until The Ring Two came around in 2005 and it turned what was once a slow but effective scary picture into a complete joke. While it had a couple creepy moments, the second film didn’t have much going for it and pretty much played like The Exorcist meets Final Destination, granted Naomi Watts is still in it, she couldn’t save it.
Now twelve years after the release of The Ring Two, we got a third movie…for some reason, Rings. For the longest time, I thought there would be no way to top the awfulness of The Ring Two, I was wrong, Ringscompletely surprised me at how unoriginal and far from terrifying it is.
Have you seen The Ring and The Ring Two? Then you’ve seen Rings without even knowing it! It’s literally the exact same plot of the first movie except replace the likability of Naomi Watts and her son with a bunch of tools and bland characters and shoehorn moments from the second movie in there.
Set thirteen years after the events of the second film, a young woman named Julia (Matilda Lutz-Fuoriclasse, The Divorce Party) becomes worried after her boyfriend, Holt (Alex Roe-The Cut, Sniper: Legacy, The 5th Wave) discovers a mysterious videotape that, after watching it, causes you to die in seven days. Julia subjects herself to the video and sacrifices her life for Holt’s and upon doing that, she discovers that there is a “movie within the movie” that no one has ever seen before.
Julia and Holt set off to uncover the mystery behind the hidden video and possibly discover the truth about the little girl in the video who survived seven days in a well many years ago, Samara (Bonnie Morgan-Mind of Mencia, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Castle).
The film also stars Johnny Galecki (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Roseanne, Hancock) as Gabriel, Vincent D’Onofrio (Men in Black, Jurassic World, The Magnificent Seven) as Burke, Aimee Teegarden (Friday Night Lights, Scream 4, Star-Crossed) as Skye, Zach Roerig (As the World Turns, Friday Night Lights, The Vampire Diaries) as Carter, Laura Wiggins (Shameless, Hit List, 20th Century Women) as Faith, and Lizzie Brocheré (American Horror Story: Asylum, The Strain, Falling Water) as Kelly.
Overall Rings is an absolute mess of a horror movie; it fails as a sequel and as a horror movie on its own. Pretty much every scare in this movie has been already used in the previous movies, I swear I’m sick of seeing a corpse from behind and revealing its deformed face, if I see another one of those I’m going to shove this movie up the filmmakers’ assholes.
What happened to this franchise? You start off with a brilliant horror movie and it gets stuck in all these bad horror sequel trappings. The characters suck, the dialogue is terrible, the scares fall flat, and it just raises more questions rather than provide answers.
It’s bad folks, really, REALLY, bad, how bad is it? Rings puts Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes horror movies to shame. I’d rather watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, the 2005 Amityville Horror, or the 2011 Nightmare on Elm Street than this movie.
Aside from a couple decent performances and flashbacks of Daveigh Chase as Samara from the earlier films, there is practically nothing to redeem. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to jump into a well and drown myself to death.
RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER:
AN (ALMOST) DECENT CONCLUSION TO AN ENJOYABLY BAD FRANCHISE!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: ** ½ out of 4
Milla Jovovich is back to take down Umbrella in Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
After fifteen years of zombie carnage, the financially successful Resident Evil film franchise, based on the popular Capcom video game series, finally comes to an end in Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, the sixth installment of the long-running franchise. Director, Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat, Alien VS Predator, Death Race) returns along with the badass babe herself, Milla Jovovich (The Fifth Element, The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc, Zoolander) as Umbrella experiment turned hero, Alice.
I’m not a purist on the original Resident Evil games, obviously, I’ve played them from time to time in my life. What I do know is the movies skipped over the horror tone of the games and went for a more action-oriented tone, kind of like what James Cameron did with Aliens, except…not.
Not gonna lie, I was sort of a fan of these movies when I was younger in my middle and high school years. Despite the main character being completely made up for the movies and lacking the horror tone of its source material, they at least pay homage to the games by including iconic characters like Jill Valentine and the Redfields, and it has some creative zombie designs, impressive stunt work, and a pretty awesome female lead (Wouldn’t be surprised if Selene from Underworld was inspired by Alice).
But then you grow up and realize that maybe these films weren’t that good, a lot of the time the movies rehash gimmicks from other installments, poorly developed side characters, and confusing plot elements. With that said, the last time I watched these movies (around the time of Resident Evil: Retribution’s release in 2012) I developed a new appreciation for the franchise as being so bad it’s funny.
All the action sequences are ridiculous, the scares are cheap, and they all have actors not trying, these are the kinds of films you watch, smoke a little pot, and have a few drinks. I gained a new appreciation for the movies because of how enjoyably bad they are.
Now we’re at the end of the franchise, of course since I made it this far with the franchise, I might as well finish what I started. And I came out very surprised, The Final Chapter was actually close to being decent, I still wouldn’t consider it a good movie but it explored more details about what caused the zombie apocalypse and the history of the Umbrella Corporation, nevertheless it’s a thrill ride of delightful crap.
Set three weeks after the events of Retribution, humanity is on its last legs after Alice and her comrades were betrayed by the power hungry, Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts-Emily of New Moon, Degrassi: The Next Generation, Edge of Darkness) of the Umbrella Corporation, the corporation responsible for unleashing the T-Virus on the world several years ago, and turning almost everyone into flesh eating zombies. As the only survivor of what was meant to be humanity’s last stand, Alice returns to where the apocalypse begun, the now-destroyed, Raccoon City where Umbrella is gathering forces to make a final strike on the remaining humans.
Alice reunites with old friends and makes an unexpected partnership with Umbrella’s artificial intelligence, The Red Queen, who informs her that Umbrella contains the An-T-Virus, which could end the apocalypse for good. It becomes a race against time and survival as Alice and her crew infiltrate Umbrella, obtain the An-T-Virus, and of course get her revenge on the one responsible for destroying humanity, Dr. Alexander Isaacs (Iain Glen-Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, The Iron Lady, Kick-Ass 2).
The film also stars Ali Larter (Varsity Blues, Final Destination 1 and 2, Heroes) as Claire Redfield, Ruby Rose (Orange is the New Black, XXX: Return of Xander Cage, John Wick: Chapter 2) as Abigail, Eoin Macken (Fair City, Merlin, The Night Shift) as Doc, William Levy (The Single Mom’s Club, Single Ladies, La Tempestad) as Christian, Lee Joon-gi (The Hotel Venus, Virgin Snow, Never Said Goodbye) as Lee, fashion model, Rola as Cobalt, Ever Gabo Anderson as The Red Queen, and Fraser James and Razor.
Overall, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter doesn’t offer that much new in terms of its setup, if you’ve seen one Resident Evil movie, you’ve pretty much seen them all. Zombies, Milla Jovovich jumping, flipping around, and beating the crap out of the undead, actors not trying as well as laughably bad acting, the list goes on.
However, this one I felt was the closest since the first movie to have an engaging plot, I still don’t think it works as a whole, but we dive deeper into the Umbrella Corporation and learn more details about what happened when the virus was unleashed, I was a lot more intrigued by this film than the others. Most of the others were just stupid popcorn entertainment with at times, moments to laugh unintentionally at.
Milla Jovovich still kicks plenty of ass in this movie and I’m certainly going to miss watching her as Alice, the action ranges from traditional zombie violence to things you would probably see in a Mad Maxmovie. Not to mention this movie delivers something I like to call, Roasting the Undead, and once you see the movie you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter still probably won’t win over fans of the games, but if you enjoy the films on their own or just looking for an entertainingly stupid movie, I actually recommend The Final Chapter. It’s a Final Chapter to a bad franchise that came close to being intentionally decent.
YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE DOWN HERE!
XXX: RETURN OF XANDER CAGE:
VIN DIESEL RETURNS AND HE BRINGS BACK THE AWESOME!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
Vin Diesel is back as Xander Cage in XXX: Return of Xander Cage
Action badass, Vin Diesel (Fast & Furious franchise, Riddick trilogy, Guardians of the Galaxy) is back as athletic secret agent, Xander Cage in the third installment of the XXX film trilogy. XXX: Return of Xander Cage marks the first XXXmovie in over ten years as well as the first film from Revolution Studios since The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep in 2007.
The first XXX movie, released in 2002, and directed by Fast & the Furious director, Rob Cohen, was one of the many films I love watching when seeking dumb popcorn entertainment. I loved it when I was younger and I still enjoy it to this day, it isn’t a perfect film in any way but it delivered crazy action sequences, cheesy one-liners, and it helped make Diesel a likable action star.
Upon release, the reception for the first movie was very mixed and was even nominated for a Razzieaward, and honestly I don’t get it. I’m not defending it as a great movie but it’s an enjoyable film to turn your brain off too, I guess critics at the time were expecting something on par with the Bond or Bourne films, which is fitting because The Bourne Identity and the final James Bond movie with Pierce Brosnan, Die Another Daycame out the exact same year the first XXX movie did.
The good news is the mixed reception didn’t stop the movie from getting a sequel, the bad news is it was XXX: State of the Union. Released in 2005 and Vin Diesel and Rob Cohen were replaced by Ice Cube and Lee Tamahori, due to Diesel passing on reprising the role to star in that piece of family-friendly bullshit, The Pacifier and Cohen directing the disastrous, Stealth, and guess what? State of the Union flopped…for good %^&#ing reasons.
Twelve years later, Diesel dons the fur coat once again in XXX: Return of Xander Cage and in the director’s chair is D.J. Caruso (The Salton Sea, Disturbia, I Am Number Four), and it delivers exactly what the title promises. The film fixed my #1 problem with State of the Union, I’m serious, Sony should wake up tomorrow morning and see how Paramount succeeded in what they failed at, track down all the XXX: State of the Union DVDs in the world, and destroy them.
The film follows extreme athlete turned government agent, Xander Cage (Diesel), thought to be long dead, coming out of self-imposed exile and is recruited by the CIA to obtain a powerful weapon known as Pandora’s Box, that can manipulate military satellites and pretty much transform them into giant nukes of destruction before a super-terrorist named Xiang (Donnie Yen-Once Upon a Time in China II, Iron Monkey, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story) can use it. Xander puts together a team of thrill-seeking cohorts and they go through with the mission, but he soon finds himself in a conspiracy of corruption among world governments including insiders of his own country.
The film also stars Deepika Padukone (Cocktail, Chennai Express, Finding Fanny) as Serena Unger, Kris Wu (Somewhere Only We Know, Journey to the West 2, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets) as Harvard “Nicks” Zhou, Ruby Rose (Orange is the New Black, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, John Wick: Chapter 2) as Adele Wolf, Tony Jaa (Ong Bak trilogy, Skin Trade, Furious 7) as Talon, Nina Dobrev (Away from Her, Chloe, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) as Rebecca “Becky” Clearidge, Samuel L. Jackson (Jurassic Park, Pulp Fiction, Marvel Cinematic Universe) reprising his role from the first two films as NSA Agent Augustus Eugene Gibbons, Toni Collette (About a Boy, Little Miss Sunshine, Krampus) as Jane Marke, singer, Nicky Jam as Lazarus, Rory McCann (Hot Fuzz, Clash of the Titans, Game of Thrones) as Tennyson “The Torch”, Michael Bisping (Plastic, Strike Back) as Hawk, newcomer, Ariadna Gutiérrez as Gina Rolf, Hermione Corfield (Mission: Impossible: Rogue Nation, Mr. Holmes, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) as Ainsley, former NFL player, Tony Gonzalez as Paul Donovan, and Ice Cube (Boyz N The Hood, Friday trilogy, 21 Jump Street) reprises his role from XXX: State of the Union as Darius Stone.
Overall, XXX: Return of Xander Cage is a satisfying return to the XXX franchise, though it probably won’t win over any new viewers. If you’re looking for something intelligent or challenge your mind, you will probably have a miserable time with this movie because this film is stupid, but it’s the right kind of stupid.
It’s on the same level of dumb films like Independence Day or the first Transformers movie, where its stupidity leads to great entertainment and you can let it pass as fun. Undeniably flawed and doesn’t do much new with its genre, but if you love watching extreme stunts, things blowing up, and lots of one-liners, you’ll have a lot of fun here.
The movie gets ridiculous very quickly, characters do a lot of implausible things during action scenes, a character using mechanical fists to fight, motorcycles with built in jet skis, and blowing up a plane by flying it into a falling satellite. XXX is officially a superhero franchise, literally right down to making an obvious reference to a certain franchise when Samuel L. Jackson is recruiting a new XXX agent.
This is how you follow-up XXX correctly and thanks to this movie I am down to see a XXX 4 sometime in the future. Return of Xander Cage is fun, State of the Union is anything but, and it delivers (so far) the best quote I’ve heard all year, Rock, Paper, Scissors, Grenade Launcher, well played XXX.
THIS TRUCK CRASHES AND BURNS WITH VERY LITTLE TO REDEEM UNDER THE HOOD!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: ** out of 4
PARAMOUNT PICTURES AND NICKELODEON MOVIES
Lucas Till’s got something wild in his truck in Monster Trucks
Talk about a film that came out twenty years too late, what do 90s kids love? Cars and big trucks, aliens, and things that are extreme and totally rad. Let’s put all these elements together but here’s the catch, let’s wait until the late 2010s to release this movie, at a time where Marvel Comicsmovies and resurrected Star Wars movies are the big bucks around here.
And that’s one of the many problems with Monster Trucks, the latest family adventure from Nickelodeonand director and Blue Sky Studios alumni, Chris Wedge (Ice Age, Robots, Epic). When I first saw the trailer, I was (somewhat) interested in seeing it, a movie about trucks that are literally operated by monsters, sounded kind of fun.
Despite an imaginative concept, the movie fails to deliver on it, and the result is a lazy rehash of much better sci-fi adventure films, forgettable characters, really bad CGI although the design of the monster was kind of creative, and top it all off with really forced humor and insufferable jokes. The plot of this movie is literally if you take the premises of E.T. and Lilo & Stitch and add trucks to it…connect the dots folks.
The film follows high school senior, Tripp Coley (Lucas Till-Walk the Line, X-Men franchise, MacGyver) who builds his own truck out of pieces of scrapped cars in a junkyard in hopes to escape his miserable life and town. After an accident occurs at an oil-drilling site displaces an unknown subterranean creature, Tripp meets the creature literally named Creech (Accurate Name!) who apparently can transform into an engine for his truck, not to mention he has a serious addiction to motor oil.
Tripp befriends Creech and the two of drive around town looking cool and impress his classmate and tutor, Meredith (Jane Levy-Suburgatory, Evil Dead (2013), Don’t Breathe). But their friendship may be in jeopardy as a government organization is closing in on Creech and will do anything they can to capture him, also they got his parents.
With the help of Tripp’s paraplegic junkyard boss, Mr. Weathers (Danny Glover-The Color Purple, Lethal Weapon franchise, 2012) and a scientist named Dr. Jim Dowd (Thomas Lennon-Herbie: Fully Loaded, 17 Again, The Dark Knight Rises) they must infiltrate the organization, save Creech’s parents, and bring them back home before it’s too late.
The film also stars Amy Ryan (War of the Worlds (2005), The Office, Goosebumps) as Tripp’s mother, Cindy Coley, Rob Lowe (Saturday Night Live, Austin Powers trilogy, The Invention of Lying) as the film’s antagonist, Reece Tenneson, Barry Pepper (Saving Private Ryan, True Grit (2010), Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials) as Cindy’s at-home boyfriend and sheriff, Rick, Holt McCallany (Fight Club, Heroes, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back) as Reece’s henchman, Burke, Frank Whaley (The Twilight Zone, World Trade Center, Gotham) as Tripp’s estranged father and Cindy’s ex-husband, Wade Coley, and Tucker Albrizzi (Treasure Buddies, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, ParaNorman) as Tripp’s friend Sam.
Overall, Monster Trucks is a big disappointment, aside from a few moments of fun, some of the car chases can be entertaining to watch. But whenever the characters aren’t in a truck, it’s about as fun as vehicular manslaughter (and by that, I mean being the victim).
The film relies so heavily on CGI and it’s not very impressive; every chase scene has CG all over the place and not once was I convinced that what was shown on-screen was really there. I thought the design of the monsters was a little neat (Despite looking like something that belonged in Men in Black) but the effects of him controlling the car and jumping around, they look more like effects that belong in Flubber, which came out years before this.
CGI aside, the movie also fails to give an emotional connection with the characters, the main characters are about as interesting as a Nickelodeon or Disney Channel sitcom. I love Lucas Till as an actor, but his character is a complete tool and I was never invested in what was going to happen to him.
Besides the sci-fi movie rehashing, you can figure out very quickly what kind of plot clichés the film will rely on. The awkward teen who wants to impress a girl with a cool car, and he’s got a chubby best friend as the comic relief, and a one-dimensional bully.
However, this film managed to surprise me with something about the side characters, none of them make an impression, the bully only appears twice (and another scene from a window) in the movie and never does anything and before the climax the last time we’ve seen the best friend was the beginning of the movie, I completely forgot he was even a character.
Monster Trucks isn’t the worst film under the Nickelodeon name, that dishonor still goes to The Last Airbender, but I can consider it far from being one of their good films. It’s mostly harmless and if you got little kids that just want to see monsters and trucks, it’d probably be a fine distraction but that’s it.
Aside from that, this “Truck” belongs in the junkyard and your money should go to Moana, Sing, or Rogue One.
PS: YES NICKELODEON, YOU MADE SPONGEBOB, PLEASE SHUT UP!
A BREATH OF FRESH AIR IN MARTIN SCORSESE’S FILMOGRAPHY!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** ½ out of 4
Andrew Garfield searching for his missing priest mentor in Silence
Seriously is there something director, Martin Scorsese (Goodfellas, The Departed, The Wolf of Wall Street) can’t do? We all know Scorsese is known for his gangster films like Goodfellas, Casino, and The Departed, but once in a while he’ll step aside from that genre and pull off something completely different, the 2010 thriller, Shutter Island, the 2011 3D family adventure, Hugo, and now the historical epic, Silence, based on the novel of the same name by Shusaku Endo.
I practically came into this movie blind, I’ve only seen the trailer once in theaters, before Allied I believe, and several film enthusiasts and critics raved about this movie. So being a fan of Scorsese’s work in the past, I was intrigued to check it out.
Yep, everything you’ve heard about this movie, true, Silence is a really, REALLY good movie. Which is strange because I’m not a fan of films where Christianity is the focus, not because they’re bad or anything but the concepts of a lot of these movies range from generic to Ludacris (Ahem, Noah!).
But the way Scorsese tells the story of Silence, it feels new, despite Christianity being a very clichéd concept to depict in motion pictures. He makes the story feel like you’re hearing it for the first time.
The film follows two Christian missionaries named Sebastiao Rodrigues (Andrew Garfield-The Social Network, The Amazing Spider-Man, Hacksaw Ridge) and Francisco Garupe (Adam Driver-Lincoln, Inside Llewyn Davis, Star Wars: The Force Awakens) who travel to Japan in search of their missing mentor, Father Cristovao Ferreira (Liam Neeson-Schindler’s List, Batman Begins, Taken) after he supposedly gave up his Christian religion. Upon arriving to Japan, the two missionaries face the ultimate test of faith at a time when Christianity is outlawed and the presence of any Christian artifacts is forbidden.
After experiences with torture, executions, and even watching Christians get their heads chopped off just for their religion, Sebastiao and Francisco will do whatever it takes to show the peaceful route and hopefully find their mentor.
Overall, Silence is a breathtaking experience and it shows that Martin Scorsese can step outside of his gangster comfort zone and pull off something spectacular. Despite being almost three hours long, the film kept my interest from start to finish.
Why? Because good characters, strong storytelling, and smart writing, whenever something bad happens to a character in this film you feel for that character. It helps to have an emotional connection when the acting feels authentic, Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver are amazing in this movie and you want to see them succeed (side note, is it bad that I take Adam Driver a lot more seriously in this than I do in Star Wars?), and while Liam Neeson’s performances is strong, there’s not much focus on him and he’s more of a side character.
My only real nitpick of the movie is there are some scenes that go on for too long, they don’t wreck the movie or anything like that but as I was watching the film there were times where I was like “Yeah, you could have cut that”. Thankfully there’s not very many scenes that made me feel like that, and it’s soon made up with intense drama.
It’s a great Martin Scorsese film, not one of my all-time favorites but I’d be damned if I didn’t say Silence made me look at the world from a whole new perspective. This is by far the best religious film I’ve ever seen; Passion of the Christ can fall “Silent” now for all I care.
UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS:
ABOUT AS FUN AS BEING LOCKED IN A VAMPIRE COFFIN FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO TAKE THIS FILM SERIOUSLY!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: * ½ out of 4 (But so bad it’s funny!)
Kate Beckinsale returns as vampire death dealer, Selene in Underworld: Blood Wars
I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I love the Underworld film franchise, but not in the way you may think. While I did enjoy the films at a younger age, I revisited the previous movies prior to watching the latest installment, Underworld: Blood Wars, and I developed a new appreciation for the series as being so ridiculously bad and stupid that it’s enjoyable and unintentionally hilarious.
All the movies have overacting, actors not trying, ridiculously silly (but badass) action sequences, the list goes on. It’s pretty much the same reasons why I find myself riffing Screen Gems’ other successful franchise, Resident Evil from time to time (By the way, The Final Chapter review coming soon!).
As much as I love watching the action and laughing at all the stupid moments, what I don’t like about these movies is that not much is different with each sequel. It’s like the first movie on repeat with slight differences added, it’s the Michael Bay Transformers of vampire movies.
And it’s not different here, Underworld: Blood Wars, the fifth and supposedly final installment of the franchise and the first Underworld film since Underworld: Awakening in 2012. If you’ve seen any of the Underworld movies before you know what to expect with this one, but this one goes beyond silly, just you wait and see.
Kate Beckinsale (Much Ado About Nothing, Click, Love & Friendship) returns as vampire heroine, Selene, still on the run from both the Lycan clan and the vampire clan that betrayed her, after her daughter, Eve mysteriously disappeared (Hey, didn’t we already get this in the last movie?), with her Vampire-Corvinus Strain hybrid partner, David (Theo James-Downton Abbey, Golden Boy, The Divergent Series) and his Vampire Elder father, Thomas (Charles Dance-The Golden Child, Dracula Untold, The Imitation Game).
As they fend off brutal attacks from the vampires and Lycans, Selene must do everything in her power to end the war, and stop the sinister Lycan leader, Marius (Tobias Menzies-Casino Royale, Atonement, Outlander) as well as the fiercely ambitious vampire, Semira (Lara Pulver-True Blood, Sherlock, Da Vinci’s Demons) from turning the modern world into their slaughterhouse.
The film also stars James Faulkner (Bridget Jones 1 and 2, X-Men: First Class, Game of Thrones) as Cassius, Bradley James (Fast Girls) as Varga, Peter Andersson (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit) as Vidar, Daisy Head (The Last Seven, Fallen, Guilt) as Alexia, Trent Garrett (All My Children, CSI: NY, New Girl) replacing Scott Speedman as Lycan-Vampire hybrid, Michael Corvin, and Oliver Stark (The Adventurer: Curse of the Midas Box, Into the Badlands) as Gregor.
Overall, Underworld: Blood Wars delivers exactly what it advertises, vampires and werewolves being slaughtered in grotesque ways, Kate Beckinsale kicking ass in a leather outfit, and over the top acting that’s beautifully laughable. As the film progresses, it only gets sillier and sillier, the previous films had a lot of corny and dumb moments, but this one, Oh My %^&*ing God! A Lycan brawl competition, a vampire caged fight, Selene runs across the cage’s bars during the fight, and one of the funniest father movie deaths I’ve seen in a long time.
With all seriousness, this is not even close to being a good movie, none of them are, it’s the exact same movie on repeat with even stupider elements added in. Throwaway characters, bad CGI, and a VERY recycled story, even for Underworld.
I swear the middle half of the movie felt like I was watching a really awkward episode of Game of Thrones with none of the smart writing or engaging characters. How did we go from vampire/Lycan shootee, shootee, bang, bang to magical swords and abilities to cure death?
Another moment that just had me laughing myself to tears was the transformation of the Lycan leader. He’s supposed to be some kind of Super-Lycan, but his design literally looks like the Hulk with dreadlocks, I was so tempted to shout “MARIUS SMASH!” in the theater.
This is one of those films I can only recommend to fans of the Underworld franchise or people who just want to make fun of a movie as it plays, seriously Sony, make these movies into Rifftrax Live shows. But if you want to get invested in these characters or take a movie seriously, this is not your flick, it’s beyond stupid and it doesn’t suck any intelligent blood to make you care.
These are the kind of movies you watch with your friends drunk and high, and make fun of as they play because of how ridiculous the franchise becomes. If you enjoy making fun of bad movies, I actually recommend seeing it, I can guarantee a lot of laughs.
Underworld has brought so much joy to me even if it wasn’t the way the studio and filmmakers intended. It’s vampire guilty pleasure crap at its finest and I look forward to some zombie unintentional laughs from Screen Gems in a couple weeks with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter.
A FUNNY AND SWEET ANIMATED FILM WORTHY OF AN ENCORE!
By Nico Beland
Movie Review: *** out of 4
Buster Moon (left) and Karen Crawly setting up the show in Sing
Not only did we get two Disneyanimated films and two DreamWorksanimated films this year, but now we got a double-dose of Minion-driven Illuminationfun. There was The Secret Life of Pets this summer and just in time for Christmas, we have Sing.
On the surface, we’ve seen this kind of set-up countless times, a theater going out of business and the manager puts together a big show to save it. Most notably the premise of this movie is reminiscent of Hairspray and the 2011 Muppets movie, but thanks to some bouncy, colorful animation, talented voice acting, and a good balance between humor and heart, it makes for some superb family entertainment.
Set in an anthropomorphic city (that’s twice this year), the film follows an optimistic koala bear named Buster Moon (voiced by Matthew McConaughey-Dallas Buyers Club, Interstellar, Kubo and the Two Strings), who has been interested in show business, ever since he was a child, when his father took him to his first music show. Buster becomes the owner of a music theater that is going through some rough financial issues.
None of Buster’s shows have been successful and the theater is at risk of being repossessed. So, what he does to get out of this sticky situation is make his next show a singing competition, with a grand prize of $100,000.
Once the news is heard about the competition, several singing enthusiasts audition including a mother pig to 25 piglets named, Rosita (voiced by Reese Witherspoon-Legally Blonde, Monsters VS Aliens, Wild), a white crooning mouse named Mike (voiced by Seth MacFarlane-Family Guy, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Ted) who is a huge gambler, a hard-rocking porcupine named Ash (voiced by Scarlett Johansson-The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Jungle Book (2016)), a German accented pig named Gunter (voiced by Nick Kroll-Kroll Show, Parks and Recreation, Sausage Party), a shy teenage elephant named Meena (voiced by Tori Kelly-American Idol, The Voice) with a beautiful singing voice but severe stage fright, and a Cockney-accented gorilla named Johnny (voiced by Taron Egerton-Kingsman: The Secret Service, Legend, Eddie the Eagle) who dreams of becoming a singer but has a misunderstood father who wants him to follow him in his criminal footsteps.
With the help of his business partner and Suffolk sheep named Eddie Noodleman (voiced by John C. Reilly-Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Wreck-It Ralph, Guardians of the Galaxy) and assistant, elderly green iguana named Karen Crawly (voiced by Garth Jennings-The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Son of Rambow), Buster will do whatever it takes to save his theater and make stars out of his contestants.
Overall, Sing is a funny and inspirational animated film that is sure to make you cheer in the theater. All the characters have unique personalities, anyone can relate to them no matter how young or old you are, and they leave you with a happy feeling when they succeed.
I don’t think this film stands as tall as Zootopia in terms of anthropomorphic suburbia animated films because, well, let’s face it, Zootopia knocked it out of the park with the concept. But with that said, Sing is still a strong film, though at times the script feels it’s trying the hardest to keep the little kids entertained.
While there’s plenty of jokes that get a good laugh, there are some that feel like filler just for the sake of getting the kids to laugh maniacally. You got to get those fart jokes and butt comments in there, but can we get more variety?
Don’t worry, the awkward, childish jokes don’t destroy the movie, there’s plenty of legit laughs and visual imagination to keep the adults entertained. What truly steals the show is the heart and characters of the movie.
You care about these characters and want to see them win the competition, to me, I felt the most for Buster, Johnny, and Meena. Like Buster, I’m a huge enthusiast for theater and entertainment (despite a slight difference in what I’m talking about), I appreciate that they didn’t make him out like a jerk, sure he has his selfish moments but he wants his contestants to succeed and become stars, he’s a great motivator and he delivers a beautiful message about not letting fear stop you from doing the things you love.
Johnny wants to pursue his dreams but he also doesn’t want to disappoint his father, it’s a similar relationship I got out of the Disney Tarzan movie. Despite his father being a criminal, they do not make him out as the villain of the film, but rather a misunderstood character who doesn’t want his son to fail.
Meena is easily relatable if you’ve ever had stage fright in your life, and when Buster motivates her to sing is downright touching. Not to mention her singing voice makes me want to get the soundtrack.
I don’t think this film stands as tall as the first two Despicable Me movies or The Secret Life of Pets, but I consider it a welcome addition to the Illumination Entertainment library. It’s funny, sweet, and leaves you with a happy feeling, worth taking the kids to or just seeing it for yourself, I can guarantee you’ll be tapping your foot to it.
A little side note, Seth MacFarlane in a kids’ movie is bizarre but he nails it, despite his character constantly making me think of Peter Griffin or Ted. It shows that even someone mostly known for his mature work can put just as much effort into something family-friendly, and I’m looking forward to hearing Trey Parker in Despicable Me 3 next summer.
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