Hitch – Stuff You Like

This week we tackle an entirely forgettable Will Smith comedy vehicle and ask ourselves: is there such a thing as an ethical pickup artist? And if not, why not?

About Sursum Ursa

Ursa presents Stuff You Like, where fangirls + analysis + awesome examples of media = good times for all.


  1. I actually liked Hitch. Then again, I saw it when I was a kid. ^.^ Also, I think that Albert only needed the confidence that Hitch gave him to approach the girl. One last thing: I’ve recently gained friends so to help the relationships grow I took a communication class so now I’m only awkward 60% of the time. LOL.

  2. Snorgatch Pandalume

    This is going to get me a lot of hate, but here goes.
    Why does it always have to be the MAN who does the approaching? Why is it only the man who has to risk the humiliation of rejection? Women want equality, fine, I’m all for that. Equality means being willing to take the same risks men do, and that includes the risks involved in relationships as much as it does the risks of being a cop or a firefighter or a soldier.
    Ladies, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t have both equality and chivalry. You can’t say, “I want equality, but I don’t want to have to make the first move. I want the man to do that for me.” That’s simply unfair. It plays on the traditional stereotype of men being aggressive and women being passive. But I suspect a lot of women fall back on that stereotype in order to avoid the blow to one’s self-esteem that comes with rejection. Not that any man in his right mind would ever reject a woman who approached him. That’s a male dream come true, the kind of thing that only happens in the movies. Why do you think guys love Harley Quinn so much? Because she’s a male fantasy, that’s why. She’s obsessed with the Joker and willing to do anything for him. But she’s hardly unique. Hollywood movies are mostly written by men, and they reflect male fantasies. You’ve all seen scenes where a girl throws herself at a guy and begs to sleep him (Adam Sandler movies are notorious for this). And it sets your bullshit detector off every time, doesn’t it? Because we all know that only happens in the movies. Why is that?
    I suspect it’s partly because women know they don’t have to bother, because traditional gender roles dictate that the man make the first move. Why take a risk if you don’t have to? And also it’s partly because women are afraid that if they do that people will think they’re sluts. There is a huge double-standard that stigmatizes sexually aggressive behavior in women more than in men. Demolishing that requires an effort on both sides. It requires men respecting women who take the initiative and not viewing them as sluts. But it also requires women to step up to the plate and take the same risks men do. That’s what equality is, folks.
    And before anyone accuses this of being self-serving, I too am an old married man whose dating days are long behind him.

    • Actually, I never got the appeal of the Harley Quinn character. She’s got the looks, but why the hell would you fantasize about a chick obsessed with such a disgusting person as the Joker ?

      • Snorgatch Pandalume

        Personally, I can’t stand her, partly because DC has hypersexualized her in order to pander to horny fanboys (“Make her look sluttier! No, even sluttier! No, still not slutty enough!”), but mostly because she embodies the male fantasy of a fawning, submissive female. That the object of her affection is the Joker is beside the point. The important thing is that she’s at the beck and call of a man, willing to be his personal slave. If you doubt that this is in fact a male fantasy, just look at every James Bond movie poster ever.

        • Harley Quinn started out as fawning over “Mistah J,” but, FWiW, I came to appreciate the character after a team-up with Powergirl. No not because “BOOBS!”

          Powergirl is almost comically serious, and Quinn is comically insane. They really played off each other nicely.

          Lately in the comics Harley is largely over Joker, and is trying to do the right thing… generally. While not quote being in touch with reality… generally. Think Deadpool with a lower body count.

    • I agree with some of your points, but the tone is really off-putting :\

      • Ladies, you can’t expect to be part of an enlightened discussion and NOT be talked down to at the same time. Not that any woman in her right mind would ever reject such a conversation. That’s a female dream come true.

        • Snorgatch Pandalume

          In case you didn’t notice, I treated both sexes equally in that piece. I have as little patience for the immature, puerile fantasies of drooling slobs who objectify women as I do for women who hide behind traditional gender roles to avoid taking risks. I think they both need to advance out of the Stone Age.

          • In case you didn’t notice, that goes against none of what I said. Nobody’s denying you’re also condescending to men, though you did bother narrowing down your target.

            Going “Ladies, you can’t have it both ways,” is as cringe-inducingly smug as Anita Sarkeesian saying, “Hollywood writers, let me remind you.” Just with a wider range.

          • Snorgatch Pandalume

            So your problem isn’t so much the content of my post but its tone? Fair enough. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found my bullshit tolerance level has gotten lower, not that it was terribly high to begin with. I’m sorry I can’t approach issues I care about with the cool, detached dispassion of a ’60s civil rights worker or a turn of the century suffragette.

    • “Why is it only the man who has to risk the humiliation of rejection? .”
      It doesn’t, but if you’re talking nebulously about traditions you pretend to not understand as folks like you tend to do as if everyone can’t always see through it instantly, there are these things called “history” and “reality” you can look into.

      “Women want equality, fine, I’m all for that”–
      Aaaaand we’re off to the races…
      Then I hit See More and I’m glad I stopped where I did, because Of. F-ing. Course.

      • Snorgatch Pandalume

        So what are you saying? That men have to change but women don’t? That it’s okay for women to fall back on traditional gender roles when it serves their purposes? Doesn’t that strike you as a rather privileged, entitled attitude?

    • I think you kind of answered your own question… the double standard that stigmatizes both sexually aggressive women and men who appreciate a strong, forceful female partner. As to your “fantasy girl”; the type of girl you describe is one who will make the first move, then be submissive in every other way. That would be an unlikely scenario in real life, but not because women won’t make the first move (they actually do fairly often, not 50/50 yet, but way closer than even 10 years ago), rather it’s because submissive women generally won’t make the first move. In my experience, a lot of dudes complain about women never making the first move, but if they ever experience one who does, they quickly get freaked out that she wants to take a more dominant role than expected (and I’m not talking kink, just wanting to “drive” a bit more) and label her a “crazy bitch”. Which goes back to the first point about double-standards. It’s not that it doesn’t happen, it’s just stigmatized so much that people assume it can’t happen without some kind of uproar, so they don’t notice it happening on a daily basis.

      • Snorgatch Pandalume

        First, it’s not MY “fantasy girl.” I have no interest in submissive women. It’s a fantasy held by men who think having a girl fawning all over them would be really cool and reaffirm their masculinity.
        Second, if men want women to be more proactive, they have to accept that they’re actual people. They have to be willing to compromise and accommodate. Basically, they have to grow the hell up.
        It’s been a long time since I dated, so I’ll have to take your word for it that things have gotten more equal. If so, then so much the better.

    • Women do approach men. It is just slightly less likely, and they are unfortunately much more uniform in their choices, which mean that some men get all the approaches.

      One basic trick though is just dress as a pick-up artist, without otherwise doing anything creepy pick-up like. Women looking for casual sex will recognise you and know you are casual sex material, which they normally would be afraid to have with “nice” guys who could get clingy and weird. Not good for getting lasting relationships though, and be ready for women already in other relationships 🙁

  3. I agree, this seems like something that would be especially useful for people on the autistic spectrum who are interested in dating.

  4. I know this has nothing to do with the movie or the topic (never actually watched it so I can’t put my two cents in officially) so I apologize, but I am really interested in how Sursum Ursa put her hair up like that in a braid halo style.

    Its really pretty and I am curious to know how its done.

  5. I still blame Modern Feminism

  6. North American Modern Feminist paranoid propaganda (On all or most men are sexual assaulters or rapists) is the one to blame in my book. I don’t care if some people think I’m sexist or misogynist here, women should not be made too angelic or untouchable Goddess-like just because they’re sexy and empowering, that’s not true gender equality.

    • There is one big hole in your theory. Dating issues are not isolated to the modern era. Both men AND women have been having dating troubles for about as long as dating has been a thing, which has been a whole lot longer than the Third Wave of Feminism (the current one). Dating has always been complicated and there is a multitude of reasons for it. Once upon a time, you couldn’t even approach someone unless you were previously introduced and you could forget about dating someone who was of higher social standing unless you were willing to spend more than what you had, was approaching someone who was willing to give you a shot regardless, and if the powers that be took pity on you. Hell, this is still a thing among other problems that makes landing a date difficult.

      Also, it seems that you are under the idea that this issue goes one way. The idea of beauty, which is constantly changing, can make forming relationships hard for not only those preceiving beauty but also those who are preceived to be beautiful as well. People who are considered beautiful can sometimes find it difficult to make relationships because of those who which to take advantage of them and those whose who automatically assume that they are “out of their league” or “must already have someone on their level” or “must be full of themselves and will only talk to those in their social level” or something along those lines.

      You’ve may have noticed that I never used “he” or “she.” As I stated, what you have stated implies the idea that these issues only goes one way. In reality, dating and all of the issues that come with it is a give and take experience that requires both daters to make the experience worth something. So, a majority of what makes the dating game tedious to some can actually be applied to both men and women. Reinforced misconceptions about class and social standings, fear of rejection, assuming one’s relationship status by one’s looks, gender stereotypes, and sexism on both sides are all factors that make even getting into the dating scene more daunting than it really needs to be.

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