How (Not) To Be A “Nice Guy” – Sursum Ursa

Dude. My man. Fella. Mate.
If you wanted a more perfect example of the base-level entitlement that people are talking about when they say “Nice Guys are actually Not Good or Nice at all” the only way to do it better would have been to start calling me names because I wasn’t answering you.

But hey, you did not do that thing, anon. So there’s hope for you yet.

How not to be a “Nice Guy”? Well: don’t be entitled, for one, and be interesting, for two. Those should go a long way to helping.

About Sursum Ursa

Ursa presents Stuff You Like, where fangirls + analysis + awesome examples of media = good times for all.


  1. I hadn’t given the ‘nice guy’ issue much thought, but I know that entitlement is an all-too-common problem in our modern society. Everyone should take this to heart – myself included.
    Thanks for these videos, Ursa. We need more people spreading a little bit of positivity and common sense into the ether 🙂

  2. Lots of great things said and lots of great advice.

    I’d like to point out though that the instant a guy asks to split the check, his chances for a second date just went out the window. lol

    • Screw equality huh? Haha.

      • No, he address that strictly to dating. Something like that is equivalent of giving woman a flower and asking for refunds. If other person herself propose to pay ten is other story. And for the note as that is somehow common issue. Don’t prohibit partner from paying is he/she wish do that. Good manners is exactly making what someone want, not fallowing outdated code. Obviously otherwise inviting person pay for date.

  3. Here’s what I think might be a good measure of what a “nice guy” is: does he actually try to act a certain way toward just about anyone he meets, or does he only act that way toward someone he hopes to gain favors from? Does he say a hearty “Hi, how you doing?” to the old lady pushing a cart at the grocery store, or just to the pretty girl behind the cash register? Does he legitimately want the people he meets to come away feeling a little bit better about life, or does he just want to keep all his attention focused on just somebody he is attracted to? Because I have a suspicion that if he tries to practice the former in these instances, then he probably isn’t going to care as much about whether his personal desires are requited. Or to put it more bluntly, is he consistently nice to everyone, or is he only nice when he wants something in return?

  4. This seems like such a strange generational re-definition, but I can totally see where it comes from.

    There’s the old cliche’ of women being attracted to “bad-boys” and “rebels” and in the past we just had to accept that and recognize that if we weren’t personally a “bad boy”…then it was time to develop a good sense of humor or just be more assertive and make sure to shower and wear somewhat fashionable clothes.

    Now, I find it odd that young men believe they’re “entitled” to favor from women because they’re nice? That’s never been the case sadly. Being nice for the sake of being nice is great, but it won’t get you very far in this world.

    I’m glad this isn’t about that weird “alpha male” mentality that condemns the “nice guy” defined differently here in order to promote white nationalist and Machiavellian/Ayn Rand style selfishness as a means to make cruelty and apartheid more palatable. – That’s a whole other rant!

    • I think you miss the point. It isn’t about being really a “nice guy” or not. But that people seeing themselves as “nice guys” tend to be in fact assholes who think that they’re entitled to gat something because they act nice instead really being a nice (there is a great word for that.. self-righteousness). This same way as smart people don’t see themselves as smart, also really nice people don’t see themselves as template of “nice guys” because they act lie they always did.

      PS: For the note. Machiavelli was philosopher of politic (and commonly misinterpreted as he in fact suport democracy and good rules). Applying his concepts to personal morality is beyond dumb.

      • – No, I get it completely about the nice guy. The context of my post agrees essentially with what you’re saying in yours. It’s a sense of entitlement for their “nice” behavior.

        – However: Many smart people do see themselves as smart, by the way. It’s just the obnoxious or insecure ones that have to constantly remind others about it. Some also learn it’s wise not to apply the full extent of their intellectual prowess in every situation. (Think Frasier Crane or Sheldon Cooper for pop culture examples of how a smart person should not act)

        PS: Agreed. However…with the rise of intolerance-based movements, and as justification for cruelty and selfishness as virtue, both Machiavelli and Ayn Rand are frequently invoked and quoted.

  5. “Nice guys” are the worst people.

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