Midnight Screenings: Old Fashioned

Brad gets stuck seeing the religous movie answer to Fifty Shades of Grey and tells Dave all about it.

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.

19 comments

  1. Yup. This one looks pretty creepy.

  2. Why do only the crazy religious people get to make films? They really give a lot of people doing their best to live in a way to make their lives and the lives of other people better look like a pack of raving lunatics.

    • Making a movie, even a shitty one, is hard. Only the most psychotically passionate people are going to put in the time and work to make a movie about something.

    • It could also be because the people who feel they need to make an “[adjective] response to [thing]” are usually the more extreme of the [adjective] population. They’re the ones who take things that don’t meet their views as an attack, whereas the more sane ones just brush it off or don’t care.

  3. Well, I’m pretty religious so I now only do old fashioned dating…That being said, I think movies like this give people the wrong impression. Strictly speaking, making out and drinking alcohol isn’t straight up bad. They’re just kind of in a morally grey area (no pun intended). The being alone with a woman thing is also about things looking bad as well. My best friend was the chaperone on my last date. Although, I’ve never heard of the no-kiss-on-the mouth thing or the street light book though… Dating is whatever you want it to be. You CAN do pure dating. Some of it I would agree it but the majority I think might’ve gone too far off the rails. I’ll skip it. 🙂

  4. I always thought the Christian response to Fifty Shades of Grey was The Passion of the Christ…

  5. The whole waiting before marriage thing was okay. But speaking as someone who does live in a apartment. You HAVE to be in there with that person if they are home, doing your job as a landlord if it involves fixing things. And even any maintenance guy who is a christian has never asked me to step outside. Because its my home and what is to stop me from accusing the landlord of stealing something from me while he is in there. If I ever met a maintenance guy or landlord tell me to do this, I would certainly make a inventory of all the stuff I have there just in case I need to make a theft report.

    • *who was a christian- (correction; error)

    • See, why have the girl step outside? Why not just leave the door cracked or open? That’s what I did in my dorm whenever I had a guy in my room. I admit it’s a bit old-fashioned, but it made me more comfortable being a single gal who wasn’t into the whole dating thing because it kept roomies and other such folks from getting any wrong ideas and spreading annoying rumors. The open door says: “No, really, I don’t date. Go ahead and pop your head in my room and see for yourself. All you’ll see is me talking to a guy friend about geeky stuff. And homework.”

      • Exactly, also about that whole date thing. I am a single woman in my church congregation, so sometimes a few of the parishioner couples would set me up on a blind date or talk about a male newcomer who “looks nice” and try and set me up so we get to know each other a bit more.

        That was the key word: “Know more about each other.”

        Not “boink each other”

        Because most Christians I know still believe the first date is the date where you talk about each others hobbies, likes, dislikes, interests to see if you are compatible. Not have sex automatically. Me thinks that if the guy would automatically assume he had to have sex with someone on the first death, I think he has a bit of a self-control issue, or lack there of.

  6. Old Fashioned – “That’s a lot of hooey.” – Brad Jones, film critic

  7. It would seem to me that if some members of the Christian community wanted to make a movie in response to what they interpret fifty shades of grey as (I haven’t seen the movie, nor read the book, as it just seems dumb, but I guess the idea that it’s ok to be in an abusive relationship or people need kink to get off or it’s all about f-ing and not love), then one would think a good response would be to have a movie about gentleness and kindness and love and taking it slow and “old-fashioned” courtship. That doesn’t sound like this movie. sounds like your typical rom-com would have done the trick.

    Instead, this movie seems more like a psychological piece. Is the lead girl drawn to abusive men? Is the male lead invoking christianity only as a cover up for his psychological damage? because it seems that the reason he doesn’t want to be alone with her is not so much to respect her and be proper, but because he has a long history of taking advantage of women. in any case, if this is the christian response to fifty shades, it’s ironic, I guess, that it actually seems more misogynistic and demeaning to women than fifty shades.

  8. This is the basis for SOOO much sexism. If you cannot be in the same room with a woman without having uncontrollable urges or sexual desires, you need to see a therapist or go to some sort of meeting. Not completely remove yourself from that situation, how is that going to solve your fucking problem???? It so ingrained in religious culture that men need to be catered to so they remain comfortable. And women need to be the ones that change. A woman is wearing a short skirt and a man is having a hard time not sexualizing her? Woman needs to cover up. No one ever says, the man needs to identify his behavior, realize it disrespectful to another human being, and change himself. What’s worse is this, “I choose to not ever put myself in a situation where I may lust” is consider, gallant, sacrificial behavior!! No, just no. Fucking work, you have to do it to change yourself. That is gallant.

    • Thanks for putting it so well.
      I didn’t know squat about this movie, so I saw the trailer, and there’s a line I found to be particularly insiduous. “When did treating women with respect become a joke?”, says the misunderstood hero. And you’re supposed to sympathize with him for holding higher ideals than anyone else, when even the woman he loves is clearly not on the same wavelength. It isn’t noble, it isn’t chivalrous, and it certainly doesn’t make the hero better than anyone else- because *he*’s the one stating what it means for her to be “respected” in this scenario, and it benefits him alone. Did he asked her what she wanted? Did he made any effort to know her, instead of treating her like fragile porcelain by default?
      Some would argue that this behaviour is a better one than “all those others” treating women like sluts… But in neither case do these people consider women as being fellow fucking human beings. Which is why the bit about dates being “small talk leading to sex, leading to more small talk” is especially infuriating. Dates, whether or not they lead to sex, are a way for people to spend time together, to get closer to one another, and to get to know each other- that’s how frigging relationships work! Fuck, don’t fuck, do what you want, but I’m having a real hard time to concieve how someone would marry a person, or even declare themselves to be in love with them, without even knowing them.

      I can see why that’s the answer to Fifty Shades of Grey. I loathe FSoG because the source material was condescending as all hell, and all characters who didn’t have a sex life as perfect and cookie-clean and twu-love-driven as the heroes where either evil, slut-shamed or the help. As far removed as it wants to be from it, Old Fashioned seems like yet another movie who wants to instruct us on what our sex life *should* be.
      Bunch of dreck.

      And Brad, that MS was stellar – it’s a new favorite. Thank you for suffering through this.

  9. I laughed my ass off at the name “Clay”. That is not the name of your former frat boy lead, that is the name of the former frat boy lead in the terrible movie within a movie that your lead characters laugh at.

  10. I used to be a member of Hillsong (the movie they mention in the end, about my old church/the youth band started by the head pastor’s son). This movie (Old Fashioned) sounds like my highly fucked up 20s because of that church. Screwed me for life and left a lot of us wondering whether we had joined a cult. The book ‘Waiting not Dating’ was the youth group mantra and this movie sounds like it has been built on that for sure.

  11. Steve the Pocket

    Wow. Another one I’d never heard of. Funny story, someone from my church is a budding Christian filmmaker who has already made one based-on-a-true-story movie that had a limited release (probably didn’t even play where you live), and said as a followup she wanted to make a romantic comedy. That was a while ago, so when you started talking about this film I was scared to death that it might be the one she was working on. It’s not. I don’t think she’s gotten around to making it yet. Now I’m tempted to make her watch this one as a primer on what not to do.

  12. She calls the radio station to tell the guy he’s a pig but then DOES NOT CHANGE THE STATION TO SOMETHING ELSE AFTER HANGING UP ON HIM!

    She IMMEDIATELY is into the guy by the way, as soon as she shows up she’s hard core flirting with him in every scene.

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