Legend of Zorro – Nostalgia Critic

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???? The Nostalgia Critic reviews 2005’s Legend of Zorro.

About Doug Walker

Creator of 5 Second Movies, Nostalgia Critic, Bum Reviews and more.

190 comments

  1. Have to admit, didn’t grow up with Zorro at all (unless El Nombre counts), but even I recognised this as a crock of crud.

    • El frikkin Nombre! Hell yeah!

    • El No-o-ombre!! (Is a legend among eductational rodents). Does anyone remember that Zorro animated series which aired (in the UK at least) pretty soon after the first film came out? It had a freaking awesome theme tune.

    • futuremoviewriter

      To me, Legend of Zorro’s a guilty pleasure. Most of its jokes fall flat and it is pretty immature, but its story is interesting, what it’s trying to do is pretty clear and it does have something to offer in its attempts to try to be loyal to the original. It does not have the same spirit as the first one (not even close), but I was still engaged enough to say that I enjoyed it. I can acknowledge all of its problems, but still accept it for its coherent idea…if not, its sheer absurdities.

    • futuremoviewriter

      I will say this: the only funny joke with the horse was when Zorro had to give a command to him in Spanish because he didn’t understand English. All the other horse jokes were lame as hell.

    • futuremoviewriter

      They shouldn’t have dumbed the movie down so much and pandered to kids either, but didn’t bother me too much. Yeah McGibbons didn’t get a lot done come to think of it, but he was intimidating and I suppose for his character, that was all that was needed. He didn’t overshadow Armand though and that’s important. As wonderful as a movie like The Untouchables is, Nitti overshadowed Capone and that was wrong. There were also times in Mask of Zorro that Love overshadowed Monterro and that was wrong too.

    • futuremoviewriter

      Seriously though, any action movie by Martin Campbell is better than most overblown effects extravaganzas.

  2. nice review as always critic

  3. Well that was one bad villain.

  4. Fincan from Mexland

    I used to love Zorro as a kid!! When I was a kid in Finland I would always watch Zorro from the TV. I was always so happy whenever they aired it in spanish because as a half Mexican it meant a lot to me!

  5. I think the most important thing I took away from this review is that The Two Fat Ladies somehow reached America…HOW? WHY?

  6. I go to look up some nostagia critic old episodes from the oldest to the newest and I find this. What a wonderful surprise!

    I wanted to see Zorro but I got bored as a kid, but his impact hit me like the hercules series and jason and the Argonauts; one of the few non-cartoons child me watched; even if I didn’t see until the end :3

  7. Jonathan Gillispie

    The 2nd film I think is decent enough, but it has it’s stupid moments as pointed out by Erod’s Top Ten Silly Zorro Moments >>>>>http://channelawesome.com/top-10-silly-zorro-moments-by-the-blockbuster-buster/

  8. Our hero. A drunken layabout who is a deadbeat dad, has an awful sense of humor, and has difficulty fighting men with bacon faces. Congratulations, I almsot thought Zorro was competent, thanks movie for teaching me what Zorro REALLY is.

    Too be fair on this horrible movie, it makes sense why they wanted the wife. She could get close because… She’s Catherine Zeta jones. It couldn’t fail. Unless he was gay. Then Zorro would be needed. Still, wife should have told Zorro. Yay, crappy husband and crappy wife.

    That Dragon (Right hand man)… Just… Wow. Not only bacon, but he’s so pathetic, I’m certain that little school girl could have defeated him in battle.

    If you notice, the horses didn’t break that stone pillar. It was the rope. WHO KNOTTED THAT ROPE?! GOD?!

    • Oh yeah, I know you don’t take requests, but watching 2004 Punisher… That is one movie I know you should review. Travolta with bad hair as the big bad, A crazed russian dressed as Waldo, Awful 90’s one lines, and my personal favorite, bad child actors. Despite all that, a good movie. Somehow.

    • Actually, it was a bar separating the horses that should have snapped like a twig. Clearly, it was made of adamantium.

    • Also, I haven’t seen the movie in a long time, but didn’t she and Armand have a past together, and she could get to him that way?

  9. Oh, I have been WAITING for this movie to get a smiting! (Loved the intro parody of the Disney TV series.)

  10. Wow, I didn’t even realize I still remembered the old Zorro theme song until you did your parody of it. Used to watch the late-night reruns of the black and white show all the time when I was a little kid.

    As for this movie, on the other hand, the only parts I remembered where Zorro voting and the “Prison changes a man” line (possibly the only actual funny line in the movie). Wow this movie sucked.

  11. Hey at least Zorro in this film is far less of a deadbeat dad than Sasuke Uchiha. At least he’s there for his kid and his wife. At least he actually gets to talk to them.

    Sasuke Uchiha abandons his “wife” Sakura, disapears for 12 years, gives his only child Sadara parent complications and now there is “questions” if said child was a bastard child or not

    If you have even seen what Sasuke Uchiha has done in general, I think you would be singing a different tune there Critic.

    • Too be fair, that wife is Sakura.

      Besides, am I the only one who found the daughter calling out her mom also pointing out the whole stupidity of shipping those two? She couldn’t even have time to have Saskue sit down and take a picture with her! If he somehow had enough room to marry her, and have a baby with her, that only makes it worse!

      • At the same time, though, the kid looked one heck of a lot like Karin. Which is what I’m accepting in my head-canon, that Sasuke just slept with Karin and just left the kid with Sakura because reasons before effing off somewhere. Otherwise, that character accomplishes absolutely NOTHING throughout the entire series, lol!

      • Don’t fucking diss Sakura. It’s not ehr fault it’s the fucking writer. The writer/creator said himself that Naruto and Sakura were gonna end up together but because he has terrible ideas about love, he said that if Sakura changed her heart for Naruto instead of Sasuke after having dedicated her love to Sasuke since they were kids (when sasuke wasn’t a fucking psychopath), he said it would make her a terrible woman. So then Naruto was forced with Hinata.

    • I don’t know about Sasuke been bad partner compare to that Sakura B**** she nuts.Fake be married to Sasuke put up Photoshop of them together and kidnaps Sadara(Who not her child) and feed her up with lie that the live in happy family life. Sadara is get old enough to questions about her dad why never meets and knows that the some things up.

      Poor Sadara she gonna be mess up because of this.

    • Sasuke who?

  12. Super hilarious review Doug! By the way, can you please review the movie Freddie As F.R.O.7? It’s a train wreck of an animated fantasy movie and it has been in cinemas in the 1990’s.

  13. Putting a lot of faith that your audience will catch the Zorro theme from the Disneyland program.

    I think it suffered from the same problem as the Matrix. The first movie was a complete story: beginning, middle, end. In order to make a second they had to knock De la Vega down in order for him to rise up.

    • No, I think the main flaw in this movie? It tried to be a comedy for the family. Zorro and comedy can work, but Zorro can’t just be comedy, it has to be more action and drama then anything! Plus, the kid was obviously there just to add the family image. This movie was brought down by its own ambition.

      • That is mostly because this movie was rated PG, while The Mask of Zorro was rated PG-13.

        • Should have been the first sign this movie wasn’t going to be good. PG isn’t a bad thing, but would you watch the Terminator with a G rating?

          • Don’t worry. That will never happen. To be honest, I’m not so worried about Terminator Genisys probably getting a PG-13. I felt that the first few Terminator movies were slightly tamer than other R-rated action movies made at the time.

        • This wasn’t the first case of a sequel getting a lower rating than it’s predesesor. Here are some examples:
          Conan the Barbarian (R), Conan the Destroyer (PG)
          RoboCop 1 & 2 (R), RoboCop 3 (PG-13)
          Terminator 1-3 (R), Terminator Salvation (theatrical release) (PG-13)
          Fantastic Four (2005) (PG-13), Rise of the Silver Surfer (PG)
          The Expendables 1 & 2 (R), The Expendables 3 (PG-13).

          Yeah, I’ve done my research.

  14. Oh man. Ever since I started coming to this site in 2008, I (and apparently many others!) have been waiting for this movie to get ripped a new one. I saw this movie with a bunch a friends in college not being the biggest Zorro fan and damn, this movie SUCKED.

    Just like you did with the Matrix earlier this year, thank you Doug and the NC crew for fulfilling another dream movie to rip apart. 🙂

  15. Yeah, this movie pretty much sucks.

  16. Regarding the idea that this is as silly as a Saturday morning cartoon… the cartoon was actually way better than this, so it’s not even at that standard.

    Great review as always, have to admit this one was always quite disappointing compared to the first movie.

  17. I’ve obviously seen The Mask of Zorro, but I never got a chance to watch the sequel from star to finish yet. I heard a lot of people don’t like it, but I don’t know why until now.

    • Well, I actually kinda knew originally why most people didn’t like it, because of the fact it was rated PG when the first film was rated PG-13.

      4:42- Imagine if members of the Republican party did this to Obama in the last two elections. It would be more embarrassing than what happened at the Watergate, I‘ll tell you that.

      5:04- Someone should call Mythbusters about these stunts.

      9:23- Well, since I wear glasses, I did just as you said, because I haven’t seen a duel as stupid as this since that episode of Batman: The Animated Series where Batman has a duel with The Penguin, where Penguin used the blade in his umbrella and Batman used a fuckin’ screwdriver.
      Also, Nice job on using Captain Picard later in the review doing the same thing minus the glasses.

      Yeah, I’ve seen the bit of Zorro getting drunk at a party on TV some time ago, and I also find it almost as embarrassing as Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. BTW, when is someone gonna review that movie?

      14:27- Why do I have the feeling that I should be watching something better and funnier than this Looney Tunes rip-off?

      I also agree that the agents’ plan is completely ass backwards.

      18:18- Sure, bitch more about Michael Bay in a review on a movie NOT produced or directed by him. (The only point I’m getting here is that the Bay bashing, or Bayshing as I like to call it, is getting overrated.)

      Please review Saving Christmas for Christmas 2015.

      I remember seeing the slapstick and ridiculous stunts in the trailers and TV spots when this movie was being released, but I never thought they would result in a bunch of stupidity.

  18. You misspelled weird.

  19. Malcolm’s read of “Darling!” had me in fucking stitches. Well played.

  20. Moviemantweeter1999

    Oh come on why didn’t you use a zule joke during when the explosion scece it would have been the perfect time for it? Maybe it will be used in the future who knows? Anyway good review as always but I don’t think snobby critics are that bad just watch the cinema snob now that guy is hailrious. Also why would the villians not want them to become a state of California? But sadly there making Zorro sci-fi no that’s what I don’t get. Aldo for your Christmas episodes this year review elf bowling and kirk cameron saving Christmas?

  21. About the Villains… They are aware France helped the US in the war of independence, right? Admittedly, mostly to spite the British, but they did swing the balance in Americas favour

    • I dunno, the level of mocking of the “Bible-thumping white trash” they were doing with that one villain would imply the character would have absolutely no idea of any history beyond “God turned on the light and allowed humans to inbreed from Adam and Eve. Literally. No metaphors allowed.”

      Meanwhile the American Revolutionary war did get an awesome military instructor, Baron von Steuben, because Prussia figured out he was gay. 😛 Good thing Washington accepted the help.

    • Nah, I get the feeling these writers know nothing about history. Such as, say, that back then you could not get no-fault divorces ANYWHERE, and a divorce of any kind would have caused a scandal even if they could get one.

      (They also probably didn’t know what happened with the whole French revolution)

  22. As shitty on a high level this movie is…I like it. It’s a stupid guilty pleasure. Hell I remember watching an older Zorro movie that had robots in it. Yes it’s campy and stupid as fuck but I can’t help but enjoy it for what it is……a dumb ass movie.

  23. I think they might have gotten the idea with the kid sidekick from the anime series that was coincidentally (?)also named The Legend of Zorro. Weird how even the 90s, cheaply produced children’s anime had less slapstick and was more enjoyable than this movie.

    I don’t agree that The Joker asking for Alfred is unreasonabe. After all he’s the only regular protagonist in the Batman comics wth actual superpowers. He doesn’t age!

    • Also, if you try to use Batman for something, he’s bound to find a way to sabotage the plan and get the upper hand. Not only would Alfred probably not be able to do that, the dude can still kick all kinds of butt when he has to!

  24. You know what I wish they had in Zorro? That mute butler from the animated series. He was very interesting.

  25. You should of done “See, there is a God” Charlie Sheen from Three Musketeers. Also when are you possibly going to do Old vs New?

  26. Can you talk about the MTV series Good Vibes and Daria?

    On a side note, I mention this all before, why do you review a classic horror like this one I’ve finally found after all these years after just seeing a few scenes of it and never knowing how it ended. It’s called Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. You might like it. Maybe.

    Also what do think of these TV series shows called:
    John Doe
    Forever Knight
    The Misfits (British Show)
    Misfits of Science (Movie and series)
    and The Zeta Project
    (I think some of these shows are like Sonic the Hedgehog a.k.a. Sonic Sat a.m. They all have incomplete ending.)

    P.S. Is there anyway you can review the Japanese versions of Ironman, Wolverine, X-men and Blade? I’d also really like to hear what you think about the FX series Archer and Chozen.

    P.S.S. And I never found out if you were going talk more about the Disney Afternoon shows Gummi Bears, Chip N Dale’s Rescue Rangers, Talespin(even the hour uncut movie special I found about it) and Darkwing Duck. Also you never answer my question, If you hate the Goof Troop song: “Gotta Be Gettin’ Goofy” then does that mean you hate The Darkwing Duck Rap?

    https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=aT33uhX4P7I
    https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=AtrqJm9UBII
    https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=xHeQpFNhnzc
    https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=44diDIvz8mo
    https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=cjjUv4p9yTM
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT33uhX4P7I
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtrqJm9UBII
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHeQpFNhnzc
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44diDIvz8mo
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjjUv4p9yTM

  27. Wow, killer Joker cosplay there, Malcolm. XD

    Man, now I know why I remember so little of the sequel…..my brain involuntarily regurgitated its content from the hard drive. Yeah, the first movie was spectacular, I can’t believe this abomination exists. Someone else mentioned the 2004 Punisher, which I actually agree deserves a good spanking. The direction and story writing was just strange, and Punisher’s strategies for unraveling Travolta’s criminal empire were not very Punisher-like. And the odd part is, Thomas Jane was better than that movie deserved. He doesn’t particularly -look- like Punisher when compared to other dudes that were casted as him, but he definitely did a better job than any of them ever hoped to do. He even went through like 9 weeks of Spec Ops training just to do the best he could for Frank Castle’s character!

    • I wish I still had a picture of me as The Joker from Halloween 2008.

    • That’s me!

      Heh, while I agree the Punisher is more ‘GUNS’, remember, he wants this man to suffer. Besides, this is his ‘Year One’, he needs more time to hone his skills of murdering jerks.

      Aside from some bad 90s one liners, I think the man did do his job as the Punisher well. He showed the darkness the Punisher could get too, while keeping him sympathetic. I think he deserved some praise for that.

      • It’s true, his actions were that of someone methodically planning out the liquidation of a criminal syndicate. But let’s take those Latino brothers that literally made Travolta freeze up at the mere mention of them. They come in, baw Travolta out for not looking after their stuff, and then literally just piss off at the end of their second scene in the movie. They didn’t call Travolta’s bluff, they didn’t try to rob any of his warehouses, they didn’t even start shaking down any of Travolta’s men on the streets to probe for weaknesses and plan a raid. Now instigating a street war and then just cutting down thugs from the shadows until he reached Howard Saint, that is something I could definitely expect from a year-1 Punisher. Hell, since Frank Castle and those Latino brothers shared a common enemy, it wouldn’t be a stretch for Castle to team up with them and then just toss them out of a skyscraper when they’ve taken them as far as he’d need them to. That would set the tone perfectly for how his vigilante career was going to progress.

        Both of these possibilities and maybe some others as well would have made that movie fabulous, but instead we’re just stuck with a (at best) c+ action flick from the turn of the century that had the ingredients to be a great film, but was sloppily executed and rendered forgettable. Plus, I thought making Travolta think his wife was cheating on him with his gay best friend just seemed kinda contrived. Even if he wanted Saint to suffer, I never saw Punisher doing anything quite this petty in the comics. He’d just sneak in, map out the layout of Saint’s compound, and start blowing shit up. The only stipulation would be making sure Saint wasn’t caught in the explosions, everyone else would be unimportant.

        Anyhoo, I’m something of a Punisher fanboy, so maybe I’m speaking from fanboy bias. You got a lot of good points too, and I think these should all be addressed in a future review.

        • While I admit, those Latino guys were weird. They come in… And go. Like the movie planed for a sequel, but never got it. Strange. Too be fair, while the Travolta thing with his wife was kind of simple, I argue on Punisher doing that. This guy wasn’t some mobster, he was the man who killed his family. He wanted this guy to suffer, and making him kill his best friend and wife was easily one of the best ways. I agree, Punisher doing that to any other guy? Petty. To the man who killed his family? Yeah, that was to be expected.

          On the team up idea, the Latinos were pissed at Frank. They would never work with Frank, because they aren’t idiots. They would know Frank would want revenge on anyone connected to his family’s death, and those two were major backers of Travolta. Besides, the Latino’s still needed Travolta. While they might be able to replace him, it’s like a kidney. You could… But you wouldn’t want too unless you needed too. Hell, I bet that if Punisher failed to kill him at the end, the Latinos would have done the job.

          Still, you do bring in some good points, but I consider this movie more B grade.

  28. The Wet Bandits from Home Alone look like criminal masterminds when compared the the villain in this picture.

  29. I do agree I am not a big fan of the movies with Antonio as Zorro, although the mask of Zorro is a decent film. Shame you used the theme song of the Disney series as it has my favourite incarnation of both Zorro and Diego and I think you should do a review on it.

  30. 5:19 Actually, Wile E. Coyote has a British accent. XD

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