Pan – Chris Stuckmann

Chris Stuckmann reviews Pan

About ChrisStuckmann

Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.


  1. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Nirvana in a Peter pan movie nah I’ll probably still see this on redbox. Joe Wright has done good stuff before but man this movie seems bad. Like awful worse then any horror movie this year(except the boy next door and a few others bad. I’ll tell everyone to avoid this flick at all cost.

  2. So… “Pan,” isn’t actually about Pan? As in Great God… you know?

    Flute playing, having venereal transactions with goats Pan?

    Why is there no movie about him?

  3. So, basically this is to Peter Pan what Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” was to the Alice stories, or what “Oz, The Great and Powerful” was to the Oz books, or what “Maleficent” was to “Sleeping Beauty”.

    I need to re-watch the 2003 movie. Jason Isaacs was a brilliant Captain Hook/Mr. Darling.

    • Tim Burton Alice have at least reason for that, as it was scraped project of quite decent idea sold to Disney to repay cost, and Maleficent was also good idea but they miss the point. So this is basically Oz as they try retell better story for no reason and have any idea how made that.

    • The 2003 Peter Pan is probably the best film version there is. It’s criminally underrated.

  4. Pan was actually pulled forward from it release was meant to be out around December. But as Star wars is out then then pulled it forward so it wouldn’t clash with Disney for ticket sales. It also gets ticket sales during half term too. So it clearly will be a little rushed in post preduction. I wonder how Spectre will fair, that has been moved forward too.

  5. Okay Chris, so I think I know what they were trying to do here in “Pan,” and what was with the Nirvana, Ramones and the super fast, agressive editing and close-ness.

    If you’ve seen “Moulin Rouge” than “Pan” kinda makes more sense. IMHO, the film makers were going for a mix of old and new Hollywood by blending the music in with the older material, and a very specific type of editing action which is meant to maybe evoke excitement and ends up coming off as… what I’ll just call A/V slapstick. I thought the quick editing and asynchronous music worked for “Moulin Rougue.” But maybe it didn’t work here.

    • the thing is… in Moulin Rouge (a movie I intensely dislike, but respect for the choreography and scenes) the music actually had something to do with the story – they explained the story, they expanded on the story, and they drove the story forth. Also it was a movie about artists, so all of that kinda made sense.

      here, the songs don’t tie into the story, they have no place in the story, and they just fall flat and distracting and plain weird – a lot like the Mama Mia movie NC reviewed not so long ago (I recommend the review, NOT the movie).

      Also, the choice of songs is SO weird and so unusual… I mean:

      #1 The songs have nothing to do with either the story, or the current situation, OR the mood, OR the characters. Why Smells Like Teen Spirit? They’re boys, not teens; they’re there to work, not entertain, the people singing are actual Workers, not only pirates… Then! Why Blitzkrieg bop? What does that have to do with execution? Killing kids? Boppy? Just weird, weird, WEIRD..

      #2 The songs have nothing to do with the audience. In moulin rouge, the songs were classics everyone knew, so anyone could relate to them. Just check out any song in moulin rouge, they were (are) so popular no one could’ve possibly avoided them. even if you hate that kind of music, you must’ve heard them somewhere! Now Mama Mia was targeted at a specific female population of nostalgic Abba fans. Fine, that’s a straight-out identity right there.
      But what’s with Nirvana and the Ramones? It’s certainly too old and passe to entertain smaller children who heard these songs only and only if their parents are fans, and it’s too… specific for grunge/rock/punk fans to appeal to general adult audiences. it’s not like you can hear these songs anywhere and everywhere and *everybody* knows them because they’re blasting through every shopping mall, today well… yeah, you’ll need a rock/alternative/old music radio station to come across them.
      so what’s with it!? I’d understand if the choice fell on current pop songs, I’d understand if the choice were timeless classics or evergreens everyone knew about, but… the Nirvana and the Ramones? (Big fan here, don’t think I don’t like them – I just… don’t see how they got in a Peter Pan movie!?). I’d almost understand more if Blackbeard was introduced through Gangnam style; it would STILL be stupid but if a few pirates did the elevator scene from the video maybe someone would have at least chuckled!

      #3 The songs have nothing to do with common sense. The movie starts in WW2 era and both songs are post seventies. How could the pirates even KNOW them to sing them!? Granted, exactly same thing with Moulin Rouge, but there, the movie doesn’t make you question it because songs align with the story well enough so you say “fuck it”. But here!? Pirates from Neverland singing Smells Like Teen Spirit in 194..1…2? Just weird! Weird, Weird, WEIRD!

      #4 After these songs, there’s NO MORE OF THAT. At all. Again, in Moulin Rouge or Mama Mia, this “blending of new music with old material” is a consistent theme in the movie. Moulin Rouge is constantly driven and expounded on through musical numbers, and Mama Mia is constantly… interrupted, and paused by musical numbers. But it’s constant!! Here, you have these two musical… numbers, and then it just stops! Why?? Why did it even happen??? What was going on???

      It’s just so.. .no… no… should never have happened!

      • A few additional thoughts (PLEASE make an edit button!!)

        – Moulin Rouge is about aspiring artists and during the movie, their singing actually suggests the characters are CREATING these songs then and there, during the movie. So it actually kinda “covers” for the “but it’s an eighties song in a movie set 40 years before it was written” – you’re lead to believe the CHARACTER actually WROTE the song.

        – what I’m saying is… Peter Pan isn’t targeted at Nirvana and Ramones fans. Sure many rock/grunge/punk fans are gonna see it, so did I, but… it’s just NOT a movie a rock/grunge/punk fan would go see with the surety with which a space geek would go see a Star Trek movie. It’s just so WEIRD to focus on tending to THAT part of your audience.

        Weird, weird… WEIRD!!!

  6. OMG! As soon as you said something about a random Nirvana number… I’m sorry… I gotta see this thing. It just sounds too stupid. I gotta see! ^.^

  7. Lol, the teeth talker part.

  8. Oops, I thought it was a sequel to “Pan’s Labyrinth”. 😉

  9. You should watch the two part miniseries from a few years back. That does the origin story MUCH better. There was also a Treasure Island with Elijah Wood a couple years prior that was really good.

  10. Well thanks for saving me the cost of this movie’s ticket. though the trailers for this movie I thought were laughably bad, and honestly the fact that Tiger-lily was gonna be white actually really bothered me. Like I rarely given much of a damn about race changing characters but changing Tiger-lily, it’s just like changing the race of Snow-White or the Black Panther, it just seems to dishonour the character. Also I kinda feel bad for Native Americans that the only big Native American movie character I can think of from the past few years is Jacob Black from ‘Twilight’, that’s got to suck for them.

  11. Thank you! Peter Pan deserves better.

  12. Sounds like how I felt after seeing Inception, if you replaced “magic of Neverland” with “surreal dream worlds.”

  13. There’s a number of reasons to not see this.

    1: White washing Tiger Lily.

    2: They’re not giving any money to the children’s hospital that’s suppose to receive money from any Peter Pan adaptations.

    3: J.M. Barrie was a monster. It’s suspected he killed his older brother when they were kids. He forged the will that gave him custody of the boys. He wrote about how “beautiful” a naked boy is. The majority of the boys grew up to kill themselves because of what Barrie put them through. (Forget the romance in Finding Neverland. Barrie was a pedophile. You’d have to be stupid not to realize the reason those boys killed themselves is because Barrie raped them.)

  14. Nirvana and Ramones were just playing on set. And cast members started singing it in costumes. And for some reason they decided to make part of the movie with characters singing.

    But I liked how Jackman nailed his saber lily alter outfit

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