Sibling Rivalry: 50 Shades of Grey

Could it have been worse? Yes, but that’s the problem!

About Doug Walker

Creator of 5 Second Movies, Nostalgia Critic, Bum Reviews and more.

71 comments

  1. Oh I was so hoping this would be a thing….

  2. I haven’t even watched the movie but it must have been horrible having to watch this, being an internet critic comes with it’s blessings and in this case curses. I was wondering when Doug would start the Vlogs again, there’s only one new Gravity falls episode but Adventure time has more than 7 and they’re all really interesting.

  3. How come we’ve never seen Doug’s wife? He’s mentioned her many times.

  4. No desire to see this. No desire to read the books. I was very very very very very very very very briefly interested when I found out Marcia Gay Harden joined the cast (she’s awesome, and I enjoy her performances usually), but then I regained my sense and steered clear of this movie

  5. “The sequels are going to make less and only get a dedicated fan-base to it”

    Try telling that to the Star Wars Prequels and the Bayformers movies. Those movies make a shit ton of money due to people going to buy tickets to see those movies again and again. Movie sales are so damn easy to make as long as you sell to the lowest common denominator.

    It’s different sales wise than with video games for example. FF7/10/13 direct sequles/spinoffs sell less than their number titles but that’s due to the fact of how they are budgeted, marketed and said quality of product.

    On the other hand, their are video games that are practically the same budget. marketing and quality wise (Bayonetta) and the sequel wind up selling less due to interest.

    • Please, you would critic the prequels? People really dont learn anything in the last 15 years or the last 30? You dont realize that people that actually enjoy this movies because the political commentary, the intrigue and the mystery? It seems that the Original Star Wars fans hadnt grow up at all, they are stuck in their stupid childish five years old personas, and bitch and whim to everyone that dont agree with them, maybe is because of that, that they are isolated from the rest of the fandom, BECAUSE NO ONE STAND TO THEIR SHIT ANYMORE.

      Grow up, the prequels are good movies, the Original Star Wars now are a minority, the new generation care less about your bullshit, and only want to enjoy a good Star Wars movie, that actually make them thing and isnt a simplitic over the top with bladly coreographed lightsables battles as the Originals. The only place that it seems that people like you continue to have ego masturbation because you are with your pairs is here, but you come to the real world, outside of this page, a opinion like that would have a lot of bashing.

      • The prequels are for morons just like you

      • Dude the prequel movies sucked for the most part (Taken from Rotten Tomatoes):

        Episode 1: 57% Critic, 60% User Average (Mediocre)
        Episode 2: 66% Critic, 60% User Average (Mediocre)
        Episode 3: 80% Critic, 65% User Average (Mixed)

        Now let’s compare that to the original trilogy:

        Episode 4: 93% Critic, 96% User Average (Universally Acclaiming)
        Episode 5: 96% Critic, 97% User Average (Universally Acclaiming
        Episode 6: 79% Critic, 95 User Average (Mostly good)

        Definitively, the original trilogy was better than the prequel trilogy. It’s a fact.

        • 1) Rottentomatoes means exactly fuck all. 50 Shade of Grey has a 25%.

          2) The rating for Phantom Menace is tainted from when it was re-released, after it became cool to hate.

          3) ratings on older movies are NEVER reliable, they’re always overinflated because they’re regarded as “classics”, no matter how good they really were when they were released.

          “It’s a fact?” Statistics from critics are “definitive” about what fucking movies you’re ALLOWED to like? You’ve outed yourself as a functionally retarded blowhard that doesn’t even understand what a fact IS. You are literally the most arrogant person I’ve seen all year.

          • >50 Shade of Grey has a 25% Critic score and a 49% User score

            Then you just proved my point on how it’s bad. If it was good, then wouldn’t it be up in the upper 70’s for 50 Shades to be a “good” movie.

            >The rating for Phantom Menace is tainted from when it was re-released,

            I doubt that a movie that is 57% Critic and 60% User average is considered “good”, especially for a Star Wars film.

            >ratings on older movies are NEVER reliable, they’re always overinflated because they’re regarded as “classics”,

            Or maybe the fact in which Star Wars Episode 4-6 are classics and the prequel trilogy isn’t. There’s a reason an entire franchise spawned from the original trilogy for decades to come.

            There is no argument. Original Trilogy is good, Prequels sucked.

    • I… disagree.
      The Boyformers and Hobbits and Star Wars prequels have SOMETHING that keeps dragging people in to see the next shitty movie – and that’s shitloads of action, and shitloads of special effects that you can’t really get in many other places.
      A shitfest like this has got nothing. Normal people will just watch s&m porn.

  6. Wow. You guys completely missed the point as to why 50 Shades of Grey is demeaning to women. It’s not because it has sex and (fake) BDSM (seriously stop perpetuating the idea that sex is inherently degrading towards women!). It’s anti-woman because it glorifies and romanticizes abuse. And yes, I will take that very seriously, because I have met women who been with who treated them like Christian Grey treats Anastasia Steele, and trust me, there is nothing “romantic” or even “harmless” about it in real life. And shit like this just keeps normalizing abuse. I’ve already read articles by women who wish their significant others were more like Christian Grey. How you can justify it by saying that it’s “degrading to men as well” is beyond me, because no it is not- Christian holds significant power of Ana, and I’m not talking about bedroom play. That is called privilege.

    Sure, it’s just a movie/book. Birth of Nation was also just a movie, completely harmless. It didn’t, you know popularize the KKK, or anything. Oh wait.

    • We’ve also seen at least one death as a result of people acting out 50 Shades fantasies. It’s pretty darn bad all around.

    • “Of course it is degrading to women, it is porn!” So I guess women should just be happy with that, then? Porn is inherently degrading to women and this isn’t a huge issue and doesn’t need to be fixed. Ugh. I know I know, porn is a male dominated demographic. I’m sure those two things are not related at all.

      Yeah, a lot of this was super cringey. They were acting like people were complaining because she was poorly written and Grey was too so “it’s the same.” I guess we could just say it’s a crap book and move on, but it was a huge cultural phenomenon. It is not above analysis on that alone. (Yes, I realize the main demographic for this story was women. Yes, I consider that problematic as well and an entirely separate can of worms. )

      It is not like Ghostbusters at all. Ghosts aren’t real. That was pure fantasy. People like Christian Grey exist, and women get raped and killed. In real life. Especially when some light BDSM or kinky narrative could easily exist without being rapey, this is absolutely a valid complaint. Again, about the “biggest book of the year,” not some crap smut no one has heard of.

      • I disagree that porn is inherently degrading to women. Sure, the way it is often filmed and presented is degrading to women, but pornography in and of itself doesn’t necessarily have to be. And less so when it comes to erotic literature. There’s plenty of good erotic fiction out there that explores female sexuality in HEALTHY ways. There is nothing wrong with that. Nor is there anything wrong with BDSM between consenting adults.

        The problem with 50 Shades is how this sexual relationship is presented: it is dubiously consensual and coercive at best, and does not represent how real BDSM relationships work. Sure, BDSM is all about power play, but in 50 shades that isn’t just restricted to bedroom play. There is a power imbalance within the relationship itself, with Christian Grey wielding all the power and taking full advantage of it. He is completely manipulative and demands that Ana dress like he wants her dress, eat what he wants her to eat, act like he wants her to act. She’s not even allowed to get drunk or touch herself when he’s not around. He tells her that’s what good “sub” will do. Any real dom will tell you that NO, BDSM is not about dictating how your partner lives his/her life, because that is just messed up and wrong. And whenever she doesn’t feel comfortable doing a certain thing, he guilt trips her into it.

        And that’s not even getting into all the stalking, emotional and psychological abuse, victim-blaming, and borderline rape. Even the “BDSM” stuff borders on physical abuse, since both Christian and Ana view it as “punishment” (and not in the kinky sort of way) when ever he hits her. Like, he legitimately does it out of anger. And far from being aroused by it, Ana often dreads it. In fact, he’s often described as acting “threateningly”.

    • And that’s what makes the book’s popularity so terrifying, because while it may be fiction, what it’s about is REAL. People like Christian are REAL. Abusive relationships are REAL. People who say equate all physical abuse with BDSM are REAL. And the poisonous messages it sends to both about relationships, consent, and sex are VERY real.

      For me, that’s what makes these books the worst in human history, and unlike Twilight, there is no fantasy filter.

      But it gets worse, because now other authors are getting their abusive, rape culture fanfiction published, more likely than not due to 50 Shade’s success. For instance, the “After Trilogy” by Anna Todd, which not only promotes an abusive relationship on par with Ana and Christian’s, not only is portraying an actual person the misogynistic abuser in said relationship, but had the balls to dedicate the third book “To all the Hardins [said love interest] of the world who deserve to have their stories told”. If that doesn’t show how DANGEROUS 50 Shades is and has been, I don’t know what will.

      • Hear that, folks? “The worst in human history”! Move over, Kipling – Indians don’t matter as much as middle class Americans.

        By the way, calling a book “dangerous” is always a compliment.

        • For that matter, move over, Ayn Rand – poor Americans don’t matter as much as middle class Americans either.

          • Okay, sorry. You’re right, that was an exaggeration, I apologize. I would delete my previous comment but the cite won’t let me.

            My point still stands that these book are poisonous and very harmful.

    • YOU’RE the one who’s demeaning women by thinking they’re stupid enough to take porn as an instruction on how to live their lives.

      If someone watches rape porn that doesn’t mean that they’re going to think rape is okay.

      • Look, someone’s died trying to reenact a Fifty Shades scene. Clearly, some idiots are going to use it as instruction, and get themselves killed because they don’t get things like consent or how important safewords are.

        • And humanity has lost someone who couldn’t separate reality from fiction. I’m hardly happy about a death, but it seems a bit like natural selection in this case.

      • The problem isn’t that it’s marketed as porn. I get that “rape fantasy” is a thing. I get that it is just an indulgent fantasy, one that women/men can separate from reality.

        But that’s not what this is.

        The problem is that it is marketed as a “romance”. This, a clearly abusive relationship, one similar to what many women have gone through, is being presented as a “romance”. The problem is that it is sending the message that this is okay, that you can “change” your abusive boyfriend thought the power of love and missionary. And yes, believe if it or not, people do buy into that shit. Media representations of romance are usually the first window people have as to how relationships should work.

    • Isn’t assuimg that all men are sick fucks who want nothing but to claim power over bitches and make them sex toys degrading to men?
      Just a wild guess.

      • Are you referring to the book/movie? Because yes, you could say that I suppose. I’ve actually read it, and every other guy in the story is a potential predator out to get Ana, which is used in the narrative to justify many of Christian Grey’s actions because in E.L. James’s messed up mind Ana NEEDS Christian to “protect” (read: control) her, or else she would get herself into trouble. Pretty messed up.

  7. From what I have heard, a big chunk of the problem is that E.L. James, the book’s author, was pretty dictatorial during the production and curtailed what the cast and crew could even do with the film.

  8. If you guys want well shot porn you should watch nubile films

  9. I was hoping you guys would make this after I saw the Bum Review.

    Anyway, I think this movie should have been made as a straight up NC17.

  10. If you want to watch a story that focuses on a pervert, watch “Heaven’s Lost Property.” That’s fucking hilarious! And the story is good. However, it is an anime, so… yeah.

  11. Wild Things was not directed by Paul Verhoeven.

  12. aww…I was hoping to see Doug’s wife, Robin, get her opinion out on this movie. Oh well, I’m sorry you two had to suffer through this movie…I personally will never see this movie, the book to me is a bed time story, meaning it literally puts me to sleep 2 pages into reading it. I’m still only half way through…

  13. I read half this book… It’s a blight on smut. Estrogenical non-sense, this is the opposite of Action movies only without the tad bit of self-awareness.

  14. Wait a minute, what was that similar movie where Maggie Gyllenhal was naked? I liked THAT movie. It knew what it was and it was fun smut.

  15. Stop saying this is degrading towards women bull.

    Honestly you two don’t understand the Master & Servant roles in BDSM. I’m not into that kind of stuff, but at least i know how it works to a degree.

    And porn isn’t “Shameful” to watch, it’s only shameful if you are a prude. I seen enough porn that honestly, i’m practically shameless.

    • What makes this degrading to women has nothing to do with BDSM. If Ana’s character were a bottom there wouldn’t be a problem, but she’s not. She only barely tolerates BDSM because its the only type of relationship he will give her and never actually agrees to be his sub.

      Really, the problem with the narrative has more to do with the manipulation and abuse that takes place. The movie toned it down, but in the book Christian talks Ana out of her hard and soft limits, discourages her from using safewords, tries to isolate her from her friends and family, and out right rapes her a few times. The only thing that James got right in the whole series is how an abusive relationship works.

      But you are right, there is nothing shameful about the lifestyle or porn.

    • It is degrading to women, but not for the reason that Doug and Rob say. No there is nothing wrong with erotica or BDSM, but the relationship presented in the books is not “erotic” or even BDSM. It is just abuse, and it glorifies it as “romantic”. Hell, the BDSM community HATES 50 Shades of Grey for its complete misrepresentation of how real BDSM relationships work, and how it completely goes against their motto: “Safe, Sane and Consensual”.

    • apparently, you do not understand the master & servant dynamic. BDSM people HATE this movie and HATE how inaccurate it is. the tampon scene from the book is something people into BDSM DO NOT DO. BDSM DO NOT tell you to not see your friends. BDSM people DO NOT tell forbid you to do stuff. BDSM people DO NOT. i repeat. DO NOT make you firm some sort of contract. they DO NOT. or at the very least do not take it as having legal value.
      THIS is an abusive relationship. NOTHING more. this is not BDSM, this is not a complicated relationship. THIS is an abusive relationship. she is trapped in a relationship were her partner FORCES her to do what HE wants and SHE is the one in the wrong for DARING to object. who cares what she wants? she is only his girlfriend.

    • It’s not BDSM. Real BDSM does not leave the bedroom. Real BDSM uses safewords and clear explicit consent. Fifty Shades is not BDSM, it’s, in reality, an abusive relationship disguised as BDSM.

      • I’m starting to wonder if everybody who says “You don’t know BDSM!” really knows BDSM him/herself.
        Of course it can leave the bedroom. Livinf the lifestyle 24/7 is a thing in real life. The sub can take orders from her/his Dom all the time. The Dom can also start controlling her eating habits, what she wears, where she is allowed to go to, etc… Never heard of that? And yes, i know people who are into this and are really going with it.
        And yes, there can also be contracts between masters and their slaves sometimes.

        So, no, again: it doesn’t have to stay in the bedroom and still is some kind of BDSM.

        (still not going to watch that movie, i read a few pages of the book and thats enough for the rest of my life)

  16. I saw the 50 Shades of Grey movie and I thought that the fact that the film took itself really seriously made the film more funny to be honest. Like the director and cinematographer went through so much effort to polish this piece of shit that a lot of the decisions were made funnier to me because they were less suspected.

  17. You know what the real difference between this and Twilight is for me? The people who enjoy it do seem to know what it is. I’ve never been attacked by a rabid fan of 50 Shades. They clearly do not care if you dislike it, and they do not try to argue with you when you say it’s not really a good book. They know exactly what it is and why they like it and don’t feel any need to justify it to anyone.
    That’s why I really don’t feel the need to get after this. The fans know what they’re reading. So I don’t feel there’s a need to talk about why the book is shit.

    • I know that Twilight is stupid. I find this out more and more every time I watch the movies. I like the Twilight movies for the setting and the supporting characters. That’s what endears me to the Twilight movies. 50 Shades of Grey is a little too dirty for my taste. Again, though, why do people like this better than Twilight? The books/movies themselves and not the fandom that is. That’s the only thing I don’t get.

  18. I find it funny that these two had to go watch it together. Think about it. Brothers. Going to see softcore porn. I feel like the awkwardness is massive.

  19. I’ve gotta admit I’ve been in that camp of “How can people like this? It’s demeaning to women! It romanticizes stalking! Aaargh!” etc etc etc… Now I think I understand.
    Thank you, Rob – your comments give me hope.

    • *I should point out that I still think 50 Shades in an abominable piece of shit that I wouldn’t mourn being burned in the streets ^_^ It’s just I no longer think every *single* person who likes it is a brain-dead misogynist who supports the rape culture. Heh… It’s a good thing no-one ever misinterprets anything on the internet.

  20. I have a friend, who can’t stop talking about this movie and it’s taking it so seriously. She thinks it’s greatest, and I think it’s so stupid. What do I do? I have no idea how to talk to her anymore.

  21. What you guys don’t get is that no one is worried about the adults reading this. There are literally 12-17 year olds reading this, and THEY sometimes cannot tell the difference! There are 14 year olds that have “future mrs grey” shirts, qnd are serious that ive met…. That is freaking disturbing. So no, im not giving this crap film my hard earned $, id rather watch a free porn if I want to see that sort of thing,

  22. Moviemantweeter1999

    Nice job scooting over Rob at the end. Nice review. I think this would totally make a perfect nc episode it would be hailrious to see the character of the critic react to it. I also think the actress of Dakota Johnson looks good(especially in her brown pants in the playroom clip I found online I just can’t get enough of that scene awesomeness). I will probably ignore this flick and go check out the spoiler corner right after I post this comment. Then it’soff to watch the playroom scene. But I don’t think I see the main star going anywhere in his career besides T.V(ironically).

  23. I’m so glad you guys are back, and I’ll watch these reviews when I have time, but first, I’m gonna let something out before I….. implode? See, I’ve been informed that in one of these reviews, you both try to claim that argument that 50 Shades of Grey demeans women is INVALID, because “it’s porn, that’s just what porn is” , and, “it’s demeaning to men too.” (like.. seriously? The whole “men have it just as bad” bullshit? Like…. do you have any idea about misogyny and rape culture against women that exists in the porn industry?) Also, you should know that FSOG isn’t about kink-culture and BDSM– it claims to be. but it’s actually a violent, skewed bastardization of Kink-culture and BDSM. And it’s brainwashing it’s readers into thinkng that rape is ok, as long as it’s (incorrectly) referred to as “BDSM”. And, last but CERTAINLY not least: “you have bigger problems if you can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality.”

    ….

    *sigh*

    yeah, because people have never been influenced by books and movies before. You both seemed so wrapped up in how fiction and stories effect peoples’ lives. And so good at doing reviews about that. And now you… both somehow entirely forgot how human psychology works, all of the sudden? These books and the movie both include scenes of a man literally abusing a woman– threatening her, selling her stuff without asking, telling her when she can eat, exercise, etc, breaking safety rules of BDSM, disregarding the uses of a safeword, etc– I mean, by god, people have DIED because of these books. (yes, men have used the tactics in these books to abuse women. There are abusers who have used their “girlfriend’s” enjoyment of the book against them)….

    you know what, I could go on about this forever, so here’s a link has everything I am trying to say. It’s a tag on a blog that has a whole bunch of posts in it. (Most of the posts lead to other sites for backup and reference, I’m pretty sure. I understand Tumblr can be a shitstorm, and not a place where you want to trust everything you hear, but it’s simply much easier to collect all these comments and have them in one place. And… it is what it is: A bunch of people with opinions that REALLY need to be heard.) I have no idea who will actually go in there and read the stuff, but I might as well drop the information where I can, I guess. Here’s the link:

    http://suicunesrider.tumblr.com/tagged/50-shades

    • I don’t necessarily think it’s fair to blame the book/movie for people trying to replicate it in real life. Certainly, people who present it as a guide of any kind can fuck right off, as can people who say what happens in it is a safe and stable relationship, but I wouldn’t blame “The Deer Hunter” for the death of Bryan Javier Soto Aguilera.

  24. *also note that I’m not angry, (that message likely came across as strongly projected) I’ve just had to repeat the same stuff to a lot of people. After a while it starts to feel like you’re reciting lyrics, and putting any emotion into it at all comes across as forced and exhausted rather than engaging. I’d be surprised if anyone even gets to the link at the end, really.

  25. I’m a little surprised at how they both seem to think that porn is inherently degrading to women, why should it be? if it’s degrading to women shouldn’t it be degrading to men too? women enjoy porn as well, why should they have to watch women being demeaned? if men enjoy watching women be objectified, can’t women enjoy watching men being objectified? also, 50 shades isn’t porn, its a mainstream film open for all audiences, and is aimed at women, so why on earth would a woman want to watch another being abused? they should watch a woman feeling empowered in her sexuality. this review is bizarre and quite disappointing. I’m surprised at Rob’s views on women. we shouldn’t just accept that porn is degrading, why should we have to be accepting of the objectification of women, I don’t find ‘its porn, of course its degrading’ as justification for a woman being portrayed as submissive to a man in a sexual way. I’m quite offended. plus, Rob had to say it about one thousand times. just so we get the message, all women should be alright with the fact that porn is demeaning to them. wow, seriously?

  26. I really feel bad for the director. Doesn’t help that Stine fought against her at every turn during production. Good thing she’s being spared from doing the sequels. Stine can pilot this train-wreck on her own.

  27. Oh crap…did I just confuse R. L. Stine with E. L. James?

    Somebody just kill me.

  28. Yes! Sibling Rivalry is back!

  29. The only thing that’s a bigger waste of time than “50 Shades” is this video. Captain Obvious and Sergeant Apparently at their worst. “50 Shades” is slightly rewritten bad “Twilight” fan fiction, of course it’s complete shit. And of course turning it into a mainstream Hollywood movie was inevitably going to result in neutered, toothless, even more dumbed-down shit. What a surprise, let’s make a 20-minute video on how shockingly wet water is…

    But what seriously pisses me off is that “of course it’s demeaning to women – it’s porn” idiocy you keep repeating several times throughout the video? Just fuck you! Both of you! “Porn is demeaning to women” as a generalisation? All of it? Including lesbian art porn, all female-directed straight and bi porn, gay porn, independent underground films that show non-simulated sex and the entirety of the “couples friendly” segment of the market? There’s plenty of stuff out there that is definitely not demeaning to women, unless you think EVERY depiction of sex on film is misogynistic on principle. Or that the very concept of sexuality itself somehow victimises women. Just because you two seem to know nothing but San Fernando Valley-produced mass market garbage doesn’t mean there’s nothing else out there. That’s like saying that all current music is bad Hip Hop, watered-down R&B stereotypes and laughable EDM. People who spout wholesale condemnations about current “bad music” or misogynistic porn are just too lazy or stupid to look for the good stuff that’s out there. Just because you can’t get something at Walmart or McDonald’s doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

  30. I’m a 49-year-old virgin who has NEVER been on a date. I saw the film alone. I agree completely. I wanted more skin. Besides, I read that it was the lead actor’s conmtract go full frontal.

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