Spy Kids 3D – Nostalgia Critic

Put on your 3D glasses…wait, you don’t have any? Well then sit back for a trip that’ll make you wanna scratch your eyes out.

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About Doug Walker

Creator of 5 Second Movies, Nostalgia Critic, Bum Reviews and more.

97 comments

  1. 09867898th

    Doug, when are you going to do “Top 11 Animaniacs Songs”? “A Quake A Quake” has some of the best lines, “cause Mr.Richter can’t predict her kicking our asphalt.”

    Or an editorial, to quell these comments, “Why the Clipless Hate?” You already touched on this in the “Christmas with the Kranks” review, just do an editorial on why people don’t agree the way you do NC now as opposed to looking up old or obscure cartoons and moves from the 80s and 90s. Now, you’re just a reviewer. You review moves in theaters or whatever is gaining popularity. Doug, what people miss is you GIVING something popularity. Who heard of “The Room” before NC? But on the other hand, it’s great you have Malcom and Tamara to work with in this new direction you took off in 2012 since Rachel was even on the show. I like how NC evolved, but not everyone. Please address THAT in an editioral.

    • I thought Christmas With The Kranks did a good job addressing the clipless issue and people just need to accept that’s the way Doug does things now.

      If Doug continued just yelling in front of a wall with clips playing, we’d complain how stale the NC is getting like we did in 2012-ish or so.

      • Well, what about the Top 11 Animaniacs Songs? What song did you like, RockmanX3? Yakko’s World? Yakko’s Universe? I’m Cute? Lake Titicaca?

        • I LOVE THEM ALL!

          I’d have to go with Yakko’s World because it was HUGE when I was in high school and all my friends and I would attempt to sing it.

          • I remember listening to the “International Friendship Song” in the car as a kid in elementary school. I love the “Otto’s Gut, Otto’s Butt” I used to ROTFL I was like, 10.

    • ThatManWithTheHeadband12

      The first reviews the Nostalgia Critic ever did were the first Transformers film, the Cloverfield trailer, and attended the release for the final Harry Potter book. He then went on to review Cloverfield while it was in theaters, as well as the next 3 Transformers films, including the one made after the promise to not review anything in theaters. The character’s only review during his retirement was the last Twilight movie. He reviewed Jurassic Park during its 3D rerelease, meaning he broke the rule even then. All the movies he reviews has some sort of nostalgic relevance, regardless of the film’s age. Batman and Superman have been around nearly 80 years. Phantom of the Opera is adapted from the longest running Broadway musical adapted from the 100 year old novel. Jupiter Ascending was the Wachowski sisters’ latest failure to capture the magic that was the first Matrix movie. Devil was reviewed because it was part of the string of Shyamalan failures. He promised that every clipless review will have a nostalgic tie.

  2. Never saw the films and never will

  3. Interesting to see this come out on my dad’s birthday, as I remember having to drag him to see this movie with me in the theaters.

    • Same with me and my dad. We saw the first three movies in theaters. The first two were fun because the story was consistent. Looking back on this movie, it was fun to watch visually (if you discredit the poorly rendered moments), but the story was rushed that even the actors felt they didn’t want to be there.
      Good times.

  4. His nose is too far up in the air to enjoy Friday the 13th part 3. a classic sign Cinemassacre is better.
    I hate that”I love movies so much that most of them are beneath me” full of shit attitude

    • MountCDOSgamer

      I don’t think he was criticizing the film as a whole, just the gimmicks of having things close to the camera it did to try and show off the 3D effects.

  5. Friday the 13th part 3 is the best one

  6. Oh yeah, Spy Kids 3d, a movie I loved as a kid (as much as Sharkboy and Lavagirl, surprisingly). I didn’t see it since, I’m sure it didn’t hold up that well… Or I will see that it’s bad but won’t be able to hate it like it did with your Sharkboy and Lavagirl review.

  7. PLEEEEEEEEASE! Tell me you’re eventually going to review Friday the 13th Part 3!!!! PLEEEEEEEASE!!!!
    I’ll be your friend! =D

  8. This movie looks horrible. But, you got to admit, Montalban can deliver! Would have expected a lot more Khan jokes, though. And, I dunno, Stallone does okay in the different personas. And… did this movie sort-of do a Tron 2 before there was a Tron 2?

    But, man, I assume it’s what they were going for but all of the effects in this movie looked horrible; and why didn’t the BD come with 3D glasses? I think actual 3D-based games from this era looked better.

    And, yeah, every single shot of the movie looks like it was done in front of a green-screen. I’m guessing not a single dime of production went to location shooting or set design/construction.

  9. Unfortunately it is the only Spy Kids film I sat all the way through. I even saw it in theaters and as a kid I didn’t mind much. It is strange but kinda harmless.

  10. ThatManWithTheHeadband12

    Spies are not ninjas. Anyone can tell. That’s why no ninja references were made, WHO’S READY FOR JEM IN TWO WEEKS?

  11. That’s his real chest.

  12. disembodiedvoiceofreason

    Wow, this movie tried to make a shittier version of Sword Art Online.

    • and failed, as Sword Art Online is still worse.

      • It depends on what you consider “worse”…. A poorly thought out makeshift ghost of a plot that almost rapes a female character for two finales for two separate arcs in a row but didn’t show anything? Or a poorly thought out makeshift ghost of a plot that exists only for annoying visual effects and makes absolutely sure that you see those visual effects just shoved straight at you at every single opportunity?

        I mean, what’s REALLY worse…. Being offended by implied almost rape on multiple occasions? Or being visually offended by the screen-f*ckary of these ACTUAL effects that someone ACTUALLY approved showing?

  13. disembodiedvoiceofreason

    So spy kids 3-d is basically a shit version of SOA.

  14. Watching this again in a Nostalgic Critic review, I wonder if Hollywood would remake this concept of going in a 3D Videogame world with a Sword Art Online movie. You never know, you can make a big budget movie out of anything.

  15. “This is a HORRIBLE game… but it’d make an awesome movie!”

    Basically my feelings about Mass Effect in a nutshell.

  16. MountCDOSgamer

    Darn. And here I got my red and blue 3D glasses out hoping this would be the first review on Chanel Awesome since the Cinema Snob’s review of Friday The 13th 3D!

    My theory as to why it transitioned from 2D to 3D is to make the audience feel like they were traveling to another world. A similar thing was done in Tron Legacy, but the movie told you to keep your 3D glasses on throughout the whole film. My theory as to why that is is that when Spy-Kids 3D came out, 3D televisions weren’t around yet, so they had to come with the red and blue 3D glasses that mute the colours, and they didn’t want the glasses to needlessly ruin portions that weren’t in 3D, but Tron Legacy came out when 3D TVs were only just out.

  17. The original “Spy Kids” was a great movie! It’s got a 91% on RottenTomatoes! Anyway, I’m surprised you didn’t mention “The Adventures Of Sharkboy And Lavagirl”. This was worse than that. I’m glad you get booed when you make fun of “Pokémon”! If you want someone who’s into “Pokémon”, look for a video by Linkara, or JewWario, or ThatDudeInTheSeude, or CR, or Il Niege, or Kirbopher or Smosh or Ian, or HappyHarry or Egoraptor..

  18. Listen, Doug. I know that Critic is supposed to only be an exaggerated version of yourself. But your Anti-Pokemon shit is really starting to be grating. It has been multiple episodes that I have seen with this and it’s embarrassing.
    You know what? Hate Pokemon how much you want. But start creating ACTUAL jokes, rather than wanting infamy for doing this crap by pissing on its fans just because you don’t like it. It’s immature as hell.
    You wouldn’t like that someone would piss on the old TMNT cartoon or Avatar. so why do YOU have the right for this?

    (And no, the “he’s a character” excuse is not viable. It’s a cop-out.)

    • Then again, your fans would excuse almost anything you do, even if it’s objectively stupid or immature.

    • I kind-of liked the Pokemon joke. I mean, believe me, I dislike plenty of crap the Critic has tried to do, mainly around the stupid “clipless reviews” BS and how he tried to invalidate everyone’s legitimate opinions about it by just making a video where in-character he was just backhandedly like “Seee? Change is good and clipless reviews are good because past me sucked soooo bad!”

      But yeah. I thought it was funny. Stupid and immature, as you said, but he knows people hate it even though it’s not something he cares about and just the absurdity of him physically just being like “I FEED ON YOUR HATE!!!” And literally EATING the fistfuls of negative comments was like a genuinely funny bit to just throw out there.

    • MountCDOSgamer

      As a big Pokemon fan, I absolutely loved when he was all “Yes! Feed me your hate!” It’s no different when pro-wrestlers go from heroes to villains and dis on their fans; It’s just such an asshole move that you can’t help but be entertained.

      • So you’re exactly proving my point.

        • MountCDOSgamer

          You’re taking it way too seriously! Doug doesn’t actually hate Pokemon, it’s just something he’s not interested in. Should you get angry everytime a writer makes a villan they wrote do something evil? Maybe, but you shouldn’t hold that against the writer, because you should know it’s just part of the story to keep it entertaining. The fact that the Nostalgia Critic is just a character is no less a cop out than the fact that Darth Vader is just a character.

        • MountCDOSgamer

          Also, one part of comedy is exaggeration. Doug acting like he hates Pokemon when in reality he’s just not interested is a comical exaggeration and nothing more. I’m Australian, and if someone were to say to me “In Australia, “driving dry” means that the beer someone had before driving was a dry one,” I’d laugh my ass off because I know it’s juat an exaggeration of the Australian stereotype, not something that’s supposed to make me feel bad about being Australian.

          • I knew it! You really are sheeps!

            You do know that, despite exaggeration, Critic is still Doug, and therefore, was written with his own opinions in mind.
            And also, why the funk was that joke necessary? There is a load of examples he could have picked for that joke, but noooooo, it’s Pokemon. Just because he hates the fandom.

            And the joke’s not that good, anyways, since Pokemon Stadium was released in 1999, while this movie released in 2003. You know, 4 YEARS EARLIER. Hell, he even said at the beginning why this movie has bad CGI (it’s low-budget). It’s like comparing the CGI in Beetlejuice to the first Toy Story, it’s not fair in any matter possible.

            He’s just a hypocrite. If someone criticize something he likes (like Frozen or the old TMNT), he gets offended. But HE has the rights to mock anything, with no reason whatsoever.

            And the Camel Poop joke as a running gag? Seriously?! Even the Nerd would call him out on how immature this is…

            The quality of his reviews has dramatically dropped. Acting like yes-men and refusing any sort of criticism just proves to me that you would eat anything he says, even when it’s clearly wrong. And that, I cannot support.
            I’m a fan of him since the beginning of 2012, yet I can see why some people hate the new reviews, yet I like both formats.
            But this review was just pure garbage.

          • MountCDOSgamer

            Here’s a hint: Doug’s a critic. If Doug really did find something wrong with Pokemon, he would have said so and gone into specifics by now by now like everything else big he dislikes. But no. All he’s said about it is “It was everywhere and it annoyed me!” and “It sucks!” for the sake of jokes. When he had the opportunity to say his sincere thoughts on the franchise back when he reviewed the first movie, all he said was “I felt to old for it when it came out, so I never got into it,” and his criticisms were focused on the plot of the movie rather than the franchise as a whole.

    • “WHy sO sERioUs?” XD

  19. The Scarlet Ninja

    I remember the day I saw this in theaters, afterwards I was in a Bed Bath and Beyond using a massage chair and then we had a massive blackout…and I thought I caused it. That’s all I think about every time I hear this movie and director mentioned. That was 13 years ago, man time flies.

  20. Isn’t this just stereoscopic, and not actually 3D ?

    • It was released in theaters in current 3D tech, but the 3D DVD version uses stereoscopic 3D.

      I actually kinda wish more movies offered that option. But they tried to push 3D TVs and shutter glasses instead–which, of course, failed.

  21. That is literally Reboot level cgi.

  22. Boy, I remember watching this movie. The acting was, as always, very hammy and sometimes unbelievably ridiculous, but I kinda enjoyed a few details, which is my thing, finding salvageable details even in the worse of movies. (although some movies challenge the hell outta me for that ¬¬) This was had the full creativity of a real game script. Saved some clichés like level 1 and 3, the rest was really a desireable video game to play, and again, the creator managed to pick right from the mind of a kid in what was the trend in video games and other media. Giant robots, race cars, monsters, etc. And I think this game managed to get one timeless, immortal line for all gamers: “why all video games have lava?” I see myself remembering this very scene everytime I play a new videogame that throws me a level with lava (or other similar stuff like molten iron). It was actualy something that will truly never die as a video game cliché.

    By the by, if anyone is wondering, the soundtrack in the ending when the 3D brothers start talking about themselves, circa de 20 minutes, is this one:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM097prhWp8

    • and by the way, is it just me or Ricardo Montalban was a lot like a real-life version of Mermaidman in this movie? If anyone considers making it for a gag or two in spongebob, please, do call this actor.

  23. I see the problems of this movie, but to be honest, this was my favorite movie of all time when for a while when I was 9 and 10. This review brings back so much nostalgia. Plus I didn’t even realize Clooney and Stallone were in it since I haven’t seen it in a long time.

  24. One thing I’ve heard is that Spy Kids 3D was partly greenlit, if not produced, as a tech demo to test and demonstrate the capabilities, limits, and progress of the 3D methods Cameron was working on for Avatar. I suspect a lot of the obnoxious 3D cases are studios trying to make a buck off of their tech demos.

    Also, there’s no way this video isn’t getting yanked from YouTube for the music in the three brothers videogame segment. Ghibli already has it out for NC, and this use of their music is tenuous at best. People always forget about programmatic music in Fair Use productions.

  25. So, next week, you’re doing Disney Princess conspiracies, huh? Well, as long as it’s done in good fun like good satire or deconstruction, this Disney fan promises not to go after you with the awesome power of the Disney Magic, got it?

  26. 3-D Brothers, a bad game but good movie? Sounds like The Order 1886.

  27. The actor that played Juni Cortez(the main character of this movie) went on to voice the main character in the criminally underrated superhero cartoon Generator Rex

  28. How the fuck can anyone in this age not know that this was Ricardo Montelban’s real chest? Seriously, Doug. Hang up your Star Trek fan card.

  29. GratefulDeadpool

    You forgot a huge elephant in the room: why the fuck is Machete in the film‽

    • He’s in all of them. That’s where the character started, and his own movies are basically what he does when he’s not hanging out with the rest of his family.

      • Specifically, Rodriguez actually wrote Machete first, but since he couldn’t get the movie made at that time, he put him in Spy-Kids both because he could and because he’s total bros with Danny Trejo.

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