The Burning Hell – The Cinema Snob

Estus Pirkle returns in this follow up to “If Footmen Tire You” to tell you exactly why you’re going to hell!

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.

7 comments

  1. Thank Christ they don’t make movies like this crap anymore.

    1:54- Me, too. I live near Council Bluffs, Iowa.

    9:52- Oh no, there WILL be movies to watch in Hell. Movies like Foodfight, Last Airbender, Birdemic, Baby Geniuses, Catwoman, Happy Madison movies, Showgirls, and Uwe Boll’s entire filmography.

    15:29- This bum looks more sad than The Cinema Bum, …just before Travis Crabtree beated him to death with a putter.

    16:19- I also wish this was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

    18:26- And when there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth!

    22:20- Very true. This is what’ll happen if TRUMP becomes president.

  2. At least it’s a dry heat. Hell gets really oppressive when it’s humid.

    8:00 – Half of them go to Hell? So it’s a 50/50 shot regardless of how you lived your life?

    9:20 – He’s likely in Hell, but I thought the odds were equally good he wasn’t…

    12:50 – Your preacher is dead wrong, God is no more invested than to flip a coin to determine what to do with your soul.

    • Snorgatch Pandalume

      “Half of them go to Hell?” Yeah, I was wondering about that, too. On what is he basing this claim? Is it just a coin-toss? Do Heaven and Hell have quotas or immigration restrictions? “Sorry, we’ve already let 3000 people into Heaven today, so you have to go to Hell. Yeah, we know you should have gone to Heaven, and you would have if you’d died one day earlier or later, but rules are rules. Sucks to be you.”
      And on what Bible verse is Pirkle basing this claim? I’m not aware of one that says an equal number of people go to Heaven and Hell each day. Maybe he’s just pulling it out of his ass. Hmm, makes you wonder what ELSE he might be pulling out of his ass.

  3. Conan the commenter

    I know this is unrelated, but do you know were I can get a “ninja the mission force”poster?

  4. Snorgatch Pandalume

    “Your preacher is dead wrong.” And you know this HOW, lady? What evidence do you have? The Bible? The SAME Bible that this other preacher uses? So what you’re really saying is, his INTERPRETATION of the Bible is wrong, which begs the question, what makes YOUR preacher’s interpretation superior? Just because he happens to be YOUR preacher? That’s like saying the town you live in is the center of the universe just because you happen to live there.
    There are over 20,000 different Christian denominations in the world, and they all claim that their interpretation of the Bible is the right one, and they all present exactly the same amount of evidence of this–namely, none at all. You can’t belong to all of them–the exclusive nature of many of them makes that impossible. So what makes one better than all the others? On what basis do you choose? Size? Location? How eloquent or handsome the preacher is? Or, perhaps, how well its ideas line up with what you already believe?

  5. The Movie Explorer

    As someone who’s been conscious of If Footmen Tire You… for some time, I am utterly surprised that this is a thing that exists and did not know about. Need to seek it out now. Looks like Pirkle’s vision of Hell is a never-ending bad acid trip with lots of fire.

    Actually, that does sound an awful lot like Hell to me.

  6. No one caught the “Pontius Pilot” in the credits?

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