The Swan Princess Christmas – Calluna

Calluna battles horrible CGI, nonsensical writing, and just plain stupidity in The Swan Princess Christmas.

About CallunaReviews

One of the newest producers for Channel Awesome. I take a look at everything: movies, tv, video games, etc. Wearer of many hats.

21 comments

  1. The people behind this movie DO realize that the 90s are over,……….right?

    • I think it’s a side effect of living through the 90’s; some part of you never excepts that it’s gone; not entirely

      • Hollywood’s still trying to revive franchises from the 80’s, so this is pretty accurate.

        • But they’ve also started reviving 90’s stuff like Full House: so what’s left for 2020?
          I predict we’ll go backwards to the 70’s! Afros and bell-bottoms will be the style! Groovy will be popular slang again! Disco Duck and Dolomite will rule the day! Wait….

          • From what I’ve seen, afros never went out of style. Some people are even still rockin’ them in Okinawa.

          • Nice. The world’s still got it’s funk. Oh yeah…wait, having an Afro myself, isn’t the hair texture of the Japanese typically super fine?
            If so it’s all wrong for Afros.
            How do they pull it off…other then being Japanese.

          • In the 2020’s, there’s actually going to be 2000’s nostalgia. I imagine Nintendo releasing a GBA mini and there being a Gundam SEED Destiny sequel.

  2. There was a Swan Princess Christmas? I guess it’s part of the other 200 films in this franchise.

  3. I saw Swan Princess age 5 and I have loathed it every day of my life, half as a ballet enthusiast, half as a fan of quality.
    I had heard of the sequels, having seen a trailer of the 3rd film, never of these CGI movies. And they look to be just as good…yeesh…

    By I can at least credit the film with talking about the Christian elements of the holiday which is a route not taken often by kid films. Kudos

    Jack Palance is Rothbar and always will be; his ‘return’ in this film is empty

    Great review though I have to ask: what’s with the giant hammer? It just seems to be a strange thing to have just lying around: does it come with the post of copy right robot-fighting reviewer with lots of hats?

    Happy Christmas to you, the pugs and BB-8 🙂 Look forward to the next episode

  4. Wow. This is an insult to a beautiful, poignant ballet and Christmas. Poor Laura Bailey having to work on this trainwreck :P.

  5. I was rolling my throughout this thing, until the lightsabers. Like, what? Seriously, who thought that was a good idea?

  6. I don’t have time to watch this now, because I have to go to bed… But dang! I didn’t even know this existed and I can hardly believe it’s real. I just checked Google out of shock and at least someone made a Wiki page for it so… Talk about obscure?

    I’m definitely gonna watch this review as soon as I have time though! I’m morbidly curious, because for all the faults in the first movie and its sequel (I never saw the third one), I liked what they were going for with Odette and Derek. Oh, sure, lots of liberties regarding the ballet and all, but I liked the attempt to make it “not love at first sight” and some mild realism regarding the whole couple aspect. The supporting characters were decent too.

    Unfortunately, the synopsis of this movie sounds like a steaming pile of crap. I could even see it working, if they just didn’t feel the need to bring Rothbart back, but I’m betting the overall quality suffers as much as the writing so… I’m sure I’ll be in for a treat on Saturday. Frankly, I’m amazed this “franchise” lasted through 2012!

    • There’s actually two more movies: A Royal Family Tale and Princess Today, Pirate Tomorrow (which is coming out on September 6th). They are also planning a 7th movie so get ready for that.

  7. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Man this animation is on the levels of those direct to DVD monster high movies (but to give this movie credit at least its not based on a toy line or is getting a live action reboot…yet anyway)!!

    Still love the episode and hope that your feeling better(that copyright not beating must have made you feel better but anyways merry Christmas and a happy new year) 🙂

  8. Hey, me again! Finally got to watch it. This is a great, funny review and you’re spot on with your comments. I think I was right though… If they just didn’t feel the need to shoe-horn a villain in, turning this into a pathetic retread of the first one, I think it would have gone a long way to helping the story… Alas, everything else would have still been horrible, especially without a major rewrite.

    Rogers as an inventor… WTH? He was a music conductor! For fuck sakes, Derek inventing the snowboard makes more sense… Or better yet, maybe Bridget? I mean, why not? She wouldn’t have as much of a role without Rothbart and she might as well. I liked her, except for that stupid, grammatically wrong speech pattern they gave her. They didn’t even need light bulbs if the purpose was to burn the tree down… Candles would have been perfect. Not to mention the whole lazy musical chimes thing and… Yeesh.

    Having Rogers and Uberta get all competitive on their own would have been fine. Also, I forgot Odette’s father was dead until Odette brought it up! I’m glad you pointed out how poignant it could have been too. Seriously, if this had been about how Odette is coping without her father during the holidays, and trying to keep things from getting out of hand because of how much Christmas meant to her and her father, it would have been way more sympathetic and emotional. That’s really what this trainwreck was missing anyway… some actual heart! They tried to shoehorn it in with Derek’s pseudo-death, but it never existed to begin with.

    I’m gonna have to watch some more of your reviews now. Thanks for making this. I hope you have some great holidays to help scrub this mess from your mind! 😀

  9. To be fair, the actual animation isn’t bad. Characters have some degree of weight and momentum to them, they perform complex motions and they do actually have facial expressions. The actual character models on anyone who isn’t the leads are dreadful and their facial animation craps out when they try for the more cartoony faces, but the visuals don’t look too bad. Yeah, low-poly graphics are everywhere, but I’ve seen A LOT worse, especially for early-2000s CGI.

    The plot is pretty well crap, though. I DESPISE Christmas movies, especially the ones about saving/destroying Christmas. I fully agree that the characters are one-dimensional cardboard cutouts with no dramatic weight to them. But hey – we got the Prince of Persia voice actor in there. That’s a plus 🙂

  10. I feel like this and A Royal Family Tale were made as pilots for a CGI TV revival because the animation looks like a show on Nick. Also, the writing seems like some special episode of a TV show that doesn’t exist. Was/Is Richard Rich going to make a Swan Princess TV series?

  11. Why are Luke fon Fabre (from Tales of the Abyss) and Marta Lualdi (from Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World) in this grotesque excuse of a movie? Shouldn’t they use their Mystic Artes to beat this “film” out of existence?

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