Transformers – Chris Stuckmann

Chris Stuckmann reviews Transformers.

About ChrisStuckmann

Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.


  1. TragicGuineaPig

    My honest opinion: I didn’t originally expect it to be any good. But to my surprise, it was better than what I expected, and so I sort of liked it. It could have been much better if some of the annoying stuff had been toned down or left out. I would give it a 4 out of 5 stars. I like it, but don’t love it.

    I can understand why the Transformers don’t have as much screen time in this film: Sam Whitwickey (Not “Spike”?) is our audience perspective. He’s meant to usher us, the audience, from the world of the terribly mundane and into this fantastic world full of giant fighting robots. The same with the military characters; they’re meant to take us from the real world into the world of the fantastical.

    However, the second film, Revenge of the Fallen, is what I consider to be the cinematic equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard. In the second, there shouldn’t be any need to pull us from the world of the mundane into the fantastic; we already have giant fighting robots; we don’t need the transition. But to play up the idiotic parents and other stupid crap?

    I had no intention to watch any of them after 2. But from what I can tell from reviews and such, they had an opportunity to really build up the universe. Movie 3 should have taken place almost entirely on Cybertron, and by movie 4, we should have already seen Quintezons and/or Unicron. Where the crap are they? Again, just based on the first two and on reviews of the later films, I cared so little to see them that I didn’t bother, so if any of these things did happen or turn up, just let me know. I still don’t care, though.

    So now my big question: WHY DO PEOPLE STILL WATCH THESE? Why do people still plop down hard-earned money to see this drivel of a slobbering madman? Somebody has to be, because otherwise, they would have tossed the franchise into the trash by now. Or are the CGI robots cheap enough that the films don’t really need a budget, and they’re just pulling an Uwe Boll on us?


    • As a fan I hated it, but also I wasn’t raging fanboy. I did appreciate what was good in it and agree with most what you said now. From questionable but overall decent introduction (like MoS) they went in the dump with clear exploitation of franchise.. basically BvS shit.

      Though I’m not sure I agree with opinions about what other movies should be. First was introduction, second should be transition where we are introduced to Cybertronian affairs as such move from annoying humans because contrary to what people think those robots did have personalities, and third one final and there is no more fitting finale then Unicron (despite what people may think action of this series rarely take place on Cybertron, though it would make a sense in case of Unicron) and the Quintessons never has major role in franchise, so they at best could be some side characters in fallow up movies what should focus on Predacons because that was usually the case.

      PS: Also Unicron clearly would be in fifth movie.

  2. That was pretty much spot on. With 2nd movie pain really began.

  3. I mostly agree, there is the usual Bay gratuity in this one but there’s also some actual attempted sense of wonder around the robots themselves, you can sort of feel the extra involvement Spielberg had in this one, before the rest went Bay Unleashed. The plot makes relative sense for the most part, and there’s some nice scenes like the cool opening, so I don’t mind rewatching this one, before the nonsense really set in with the others. It’s not the same as the 80s show, but given all the Transformers incarnations since, it honestly didn’t need to be (and frankly the original cartoon has aged…poorly to say the least IMO).

  4. I like this movie. Still, it’s the most “grounded” of the movies while I like over-the-top stuff. I also like corny crap and explosions. Plus, I was especially into Linkin Park at the time so the fact that they did the soundtrack REALLY made me want to see this movie. The second movie on the other hand? Well, we’ll get there when we get there. 🙄

  5. Chicken Puppet

    Chris: I appreciate the optimism and willingness to look for the positive in a very much hated movie, but I can’t agree.

    Bay’s direction is not masterful…it’s basically expensive and you get what you pay for. It’s an ugly movie with stock bay shots and loads of confusing CG battles that leave little impact on the viewer.

    In this era, any studio with a lot of cash to throw around can make a better looking movie. Compare this to District 9 only two years later with one fifth the budget.

    • Chicken Puppet

      For me, one of the biggest issues were the designs of the Transformers themselves. Having grown up with these characters, and having seen the entire first film, I still can’t tell who is supposed to be what character aside from maybe Bumblebee because of his bright yellow color, and Optimus Prime – but only when he’s speaking thanks to the voice work of Peter Cullen.

      • I would say that problem wasn’t as much design as it was obvious way to bo, but lack of proper characterization. For most of the time even as a fan I don’t have slightest idea who specific characters supposed to be (especially after they start pointlessly kill main cast) and even in case of Optimus most what I know about him was from other sources. First movie was least horrible here.

  6. The original was okay. But these movies have way overstayed their welcome at this point.

    • The “original” is the first one overall. In case of Transformers franchise it was a G1 toy line and in case of Transformers media it was G1 comic from Marvel (not the cartoon loosely based on it). First Bayformer definitely wasn’t original in any way.

  7. The only thing that kept me from walking out of this movie is that I was someone’s ride.

  8. Honestly, I really liked this movie. I didn’t think it was going to be Citizen Cain, or anything. However, for a first time out for a live action Transformers movie, it was good. I agree with some of the thing stated in this video. I also understand the Studio being unwilling to put so much focus on the giant robots. Remember there was a time when an idea like that was new and very scary and no one knew if movie going audiences would be cool with it. With that said there’s no real defending the other movies, other than maybe Age of Extinction and I only say that because I got just what I wanted and that was giant robot riding even bigger robot dinosaur into battle. It’s sad that my expectations for these movies have gotten so low.

  9. You forgot Bayism explosions. 😛

    I’ll admit I really liked this movie when it came out, but my complaint with the franchise as a whole (not necessarily this movie) is the same as Doug Walker’s: every movie after this was the same movie again.

    We all know full well this new Transformers movie is going to have way too many subplots with goofy and annoying characters and half the time is going to be devoted to military babble with half of what’s remaining involving a shadowy organization, we’re going to have YET ANOTHER Transformers MacGuffin having been deposited on Earth in the distant past, and we’re going to have humans (rather than, you know, Autobots…) scrambling to get it before Decepticons, but that will be ok because they’ll all be transformed into rubber for the final action sequence so that no explosions or debris will hurt them which is good because there will be many, many, MANY explosions, and everything’s going to climax with the military vs. the Decepticons in a city battle while there’s a big skygate in the background.


    Beast Wars and Transformers Prime were more than just made to sell toys. They had developed characters and actual story. I enjoy this movie for basically being an action fluff piece. Can’t say the same for the others.

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