Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Chris Stuckmann

Chris Stuckmann reviews Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

About ChrisStuckmann

Quick, funny reviews of movies and games, new and old.


  1. I was hoping Luc Besson would return to his 90s glory days with this one, but I could tell from the trailers it was going to miss that mark somewhat.

    Glad to hear it’s not bad. Wish you had a better impression.

  2. Interesting note:

    I do see the acting in front of greenscreen thing being a problem for films that try to have this kind of vision going forward. I think we can forgive the Star Wars prequel acting just a little when even good actors struggle in these situations.

    Now that the majority of FX driven films are CG, actors are going to have to really work for those paychecks. Practical effects placed the actors on set with real physical props, but soon much of that art will be something major studious simply no longer are capable of producing.

    • We’ll just end up with endless Asylum-films with 3rd rate actors and bad CGI.

      Really felt like this movie belonged in The 5th Eelement-universe and looking forward to watch these back to back.

  3. TragicGuineaPig

    Herbie Hancock starred in this? Please tell me there’s a scene featuring a bunch of mannequins and mannequin parts dancing and strutting around to some old school Electro beats!

  4. As long as it’s better than Jupiter Ascending, and by Chris’s grade scale it is, I’ll probably see it.
    Great review, Chris.

  5. I’ll be seeing Valerian and the city of a Thousand Planets sometime next month. I’m a sucker for visuals. When I go see it, I think I may be one of the only people in the theater. The box office is not looking so good for this movie so far.

  6. I really want to see this. I love the Fifth Element, so if this can at least come close to that, I’m sure I’ll be entertained. Although, I saw someone comment on another message board that the two main characters both have, “resting bitch face”, which I’m inclined to agree.

  7. The Real Silverstar

    From what I’ve been hearing in this and other reviews, the story is just “eh” and the lead actor doesn’t really sell it as a badass hero, but the visuals on Alpha (the titular city) are incredible. The opening where the ship’s computer gives exposition on Alpha, its’ varied environments and inhabitants is one the coolest visual scenes I’ve seen in a movie in recent years.

  8. Will be avoiding this one because that British depressed / confused tart ( Cara ) is beyond annoying to watch

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