War Room – Cinema Snob

Clean out your finest closets, because it’s time for The Cinem Snob to review War Room!

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.

35 comments

  1. The fuckedupness of this thing never ceases to amaze me.

    Just imagine how the same people who praise this would react if a film about the muslim faith used the exact same rhetoric…

  2. And herein lies the danger of bad theology. People who saw this and might be living in a physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually abusive relationship will believe that all they need to do is pray hard enough and God will make their partner stop being a douche. Fuck the misogyny of this shit.

    On a separate note, I have to remember from now on not to eat while I’m watching your reviews. There’s a distinct possibility I may choke to death from laughing like an idiot at an Oogieloves reference.

  3. Snorgatch Pandalume

    So the message of this movie is that if your husband is abusive, controlling, and unfaithful, do not confront him, seek marital counseling, or, God forbid, divorce him. No, instead go into your closet and pray. Because fuck actually dealing with your problems like a mature, responsible adult. That would be, you know, WORK! Let God fix it. That’s much easier.

    Regarding the efficacy of prayer, this has been tested in several medical studies using the same methodology that is employed to test the effectiveness of drugs. In these trials, one group of post-operative patients were prayed for daily by people wishing them a full recovery and another was not prayed for. There was no difference in the incidence of post-operative complications between the two groups, showing that PRAYER DOES NOT WORK!

    What’s more, from a theological perspective, you shouldn’t even WANT it to work. If God has a plan for the world, He’s not going to change it just because you ask Him to. And if you truly believe that God is all-wise and all-knowing, then you should trust that His plan is for the best, and you shouldn’t be asking Him to change it. If God’s plan requires that your child die of cancer, you should accept that this is for the best and rejoice that God’s will is being done. Praying for God to change His plan just to accommodate your personal wants and needs is selfish, and implies a LACK OF FAITH in the ultimate goodness of God’s design.

    • What gets me is the fact that they didn’t go (at least she rather) didn’t go to their local preacher for marriage counseling in the first place and THEN try the War Room thing if all else fails as a last resort, or maybe the movie could have worked best if the preacher recommended it. Because I do know that most priests, pastors, and ministers do have training in marriage counseling to help out couples within and outside of the church on occasion. My pastor does. So, I don’t get why this wouldn’t be a option in the movie?

      • Snorgatch Pandalume

        Because then they’d have no movie, because any priest, pastor, or minister with any training in marriage counseling would tell her that the War Room idea is idiotic.

  4. Do you HAVE to live in an ugly, misogynistic, unfunny, self-righteous, theocratic, creepy-as-fuck delusional nightmare to be a Christian? That seems to be the message of all these religious movies you’ve been reviewing lately.

    • Pretty much. You have to accept the in-group out-group dynamic by shunning non-believers and believers who don’t follow your particular brand, you have to accept ridiculous nonsense for no good reason, and you have to defend it at all costs even beyond all logic.

      You can see why so many are giving it up entirely.

    • thatchickwithlonghair

      Of course not. Don’t say such retarded things or ask stupid, offensive questions. There are feminist Christians, you idiot.

  5. 0:18- I think a worse Valentine’s Day movie to show to your significant other is Old Fashioned, but that’s just me.

    With a title like War Room, I originally thought that this movie was a war drama, like The Imitation Game (which I recently watched for my “Road to the Oscars” movie-thon). Thanks for misleading me, movie.

    3:21- Internet commenter.

    4:09- I agree that Tony looks like Malcolm Ray as The Devil. It must be what looks like a botox injection in his eyebrows.

    I agree that Miss Clara looks and sounds like the grandmother character from a failed black sitcom (no offence to the black community BTW).

    Nice job, Brad, on having the 80’s Dan audience over for this episode.

    19:59- I’m just imagining if this scene was in a Paranormal Activity movie, just so that Toby would pull Elizabeth in her War Room while she’s kicking and screaming, slam the door, and possess her.

    27:31- I agree with you about the phone thing. If only God would stop those robo-calls for ringing my cellphone and selling me bullshit.

    Wow, movie. Thank you very much for teaching me something that I’ve already figured out before you were greenlit: DON’T BE A DICK TO YOUR WIFE!

  6. I for one, am tired of the Nostalgia Critic’s blatant anti-Jesus propaganda. πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

  7. Couldn’t help but snicker at Jesus Patton. Sound like a way more enjoyable film.

  8. Because Food Poisoning is God’s way of telling you not to be unfaithful to your wife….

  9. Oh, Snob, this isn’t the movie: this is a documentation of some meddlesome old lady’s slow descent into insanity. 27:00 is proof of that as well as that final clip and her whole speech at the end of the film. It’s kind of sad

    1:53 can’t top that line ever
    20:36 I’d just love to think people are barricading themselves in the houses, calling the local priest to preform an emergency exorcism πŸ™‚
    31;38 my reaction to that whole concept…priests being able to sense prayer, that’s just goofy; I’m positive it doesn’t work that way
    32:02 this just got creepy.
    33:07 BRAVO, BRAVO!!!!
    33:11 y’know, not to be gender discriminatory or anything, but those teen to pre-teen boys look WAY to excited about winning a jump rope competition. Actually, no matter the gender, no one should be on the verge of tears over a jump rope competition
    34;17 just topped the earlier line
    37:14 that’s the only reason I tolerate SO many movies and film makers.

    Fantastic uses of Karate Kid and Patton. I love it when you wreck the emotional scenes. But the daughter and mom scenes had potential

    I hate it when films try to make up clever slang, practices and analogies like this and Operation Yes, making it sound like they’re fighting this big revolution when it’s in reality nothing

    Funnily enough; at a church youth gather we’re supposed to get to know eachother by asking a group of set questions; one of them being who likes Madea questions. NOBODY answered positive.

    Please you can have as many heavenly emblems as you want in front of your film but it will never top the movie which credits God as it’s executive producer. You heard right; there is a movie out there where God is credited as an executive producer; This movie is called ‘I’m in love with a church girl’ staring Ja-Rule and the shocking Cheetah Girl. And it went to theaters. πŸ™‚

    This movie is sickening; between the meddlesome old woman with the high handed opinion, the encouragement of gender divisions with over used cliches and the fact it’s not only trying to convince us to stay in an abusive relationship but be a doormat about it because it’s their fault.
    This makes Christianity and both genders look bad. Ugggh!

    That end part was face-palm inducing. But your ending speech took the sting out of it so the world doesn’t look so bad now

    Great review; but what’s with all the crummy christian films lately? What happened to all the exploitation films? Just curious; I honestly don’t care because both are hilarious to watch you review; I just hope you still do both and can do the movie I suggested in the comments section for the Ninja movie. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? πŸ™‚

    • Ah, but that’s the beauty of it. These ARE exploitation films.

      Except instead of being Blacksploitation or Nazisploitation, these are Christiansploitation (Godsploitation?).

      They’re just cashing in on a current trend, like those other examples. This whole bullshit “Christians are a persecuted minority” narrative that’s been spun for over a decade and really picked up steam over the last 5 years or so.

      • That “Christians are a persecuted minority” is such trash, it’s like… UM, 80-SOMETHING PERCENT of the U.S. population is Christian. Don’t even TRY comparing Christianity to the other religions under fire right now. To be a persecuted minority, you gotta be a minority first.

      • Just double-checked my facts. Whoops, didn’t realize the Persecuted Minority arguments were centered in the Middle East. My bad.

        Oh well. I’ll believe the people clamoring over it if they admit what Trump is planning to do to the Muslims is shitty as hell, too.

  10. Ok I believe in God and all, but God damn it I hate these kind of movies!!!!

  11. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Didn’t you mean that this is the worst review that I the cinema snob have done. Sorry just an instance where I think you put that in the script for laughs but I had to be rain all over your parade(its the christian way) πŸ˜‰ anyways great review for a terrible movie(yeah its terrible look it up folks:)

  12. That would have worked except that that guy was wearing shorts you idiot.

  13. So Goofy Toofy pick up your pants doesn’t make any sense here, God in Heaven.

  14. I think general Christianity is cliched and stereotyped in US America too much to point of ultimite absurdity.

  15. Even Jesus would probably telling this movie and Christian cinematic productions to tone down and learn freaking or f…ing the art of subtlety you diluted spineless puppet pups, seesh most Christian religious instutions are in my experience quite subtle not really that psychotic, as Jewish and Muslim organized religions I hope are not as psychotic as they seem to be. but hot damn these Independent American Non-Sectarian Denominational Christian Fundementalist Propaganda movies are so old fashioned and backward in this century that they wouldn’t even make these movies into serious (Seria or Buffa) or comic classical operas even in the 17th century, hell even William Shakespeare would never promote this for any of his plays or he would write it if only to mock it. Hell most White European Classical Operas were not that religious or were subtlely religious or since their inception by the Italian Claudio Monteverdi (1567-1643) and other Euro Early Baroque composers I don’t know about.

  16. Brad, I have been watching our show for years and this is the scariest thing I think I have seen you watch.

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