WTFIWWY Live: The Vampire Dance of My People

This week: Getting fired with fire, the best/worst field trip of all time, and the last story … um … don’t be eating anything, okay?

About Nash

Welcome to Radio Dead Air! It's "Wayne's World" meets the 21st Century as Nash, Tara, Stick Boy, Space Guy, Arlo P. Arlo and more delve into the deep...

33 comments

  1. Given how the guy was dancing he’d sure scare away any Toreador that came around.

  2. The dance would not work on Alucard or Seras Victoria.

  3. Vader_the_White

    Wal-Mart is sexier than a porta-potty!

    Also, that dance is the greatest thing in the history of ever.

  4. I’m more questioning what constitutes a “progressive” sex toy store. From what I can tell, most shops like that don’t give a fuck what a person’s into so long as it’s not a felony.

  5. ::Sigh:: Reminds me of an argument I got into on Youtube where I said Viagra commercials shouldn’t play during daytime because 8 years old kids are asking what erectile dysfunction is, & he was so insistent that Americans are prudes & that children should learn sex ed in elementary school. & the worst part was that he was dead serious & not trolling.

    • Yeah, I’m going to hazard a guess that the guy you were arguing with doesn’t have kids of his own.

    • Well, we are considered violent weird prudes compared to a lot of the world. We let kids play games and watch movies with lots of blood and gore, but god forbid we let them see a penis or a woman’s nipple! I don’t think that letting them have sex in the house at age 12 or showing them around a sex toy store at 11 is the answer either, though.

  6. Ugh… you know what started this whole September end of the world bullshit? Some politician in France said “We have 500 days to sort out this climate chaos” back in May of 2014. He meant this to mean “We have till the big climate conference to come up with a strategy”.

    But you know, the tinfoil hatters will take anything the wrong way…

  7. Oh crap, an asteroid is going to hit the Earth? Best we send up Harrison Ford and Aerosmith to handle this looming problem!

  8. A book written from Christian Grey’s point of view…? Whaaaat? Is E.L James just going to copy everything Stephanie Meyer does? Because we ALREADY have a book written from Edward Cullen’s pov and that’s unnecessary enough!

  9. Vladimir von Ludvig

    If I am remembering correctly the term “fired” comes from medieval times where if they didn’t want you in the village to work anymore they burnt your house down… So fire and fired did at one time have something in common.

  10. Thing is… No, the world will NOT end… The world will carry on. It’s the things living on it that’ll be fucked (namely, us)

  11. Also, would the police only have shot the cat if it was black?

  12. Liquid in the bio-toilet is exteremely dangerous. Formaldehyde can cause severe burns. This guy could’ve fuckin died.

  13. Oh hell no! I just bought my tickets for Salt Lake Comic Con and you are not having an apocalypse while I’m dressed as Monkey D. Luffy.

  14. Hey, if I was a vampire, I’d avoid the crazy fucker dancing on a cop car. Especially considering he’s doing it in broad daylight.

  15. Whatever happened to permission slips? Do these things no longer exist?

    • Seriously! Whenever we were doing sex ed, or going to watch an R-rated film, or going on a field trip, the permission slips always went home for exactly this reason: so parents could decide whether they thought that a certain educational opportunity was right for their child. Someone in this story dropped the ball, and I’m willing to bet it was the school because if the parent had known that the field trip involved going to a sex shop he’d have simply said “Nope,” and maybe have talked to the principal and other parents about what he considers appropriate for an 11-year-old. This made national news because they took his daughters to a sex shop WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION.

  16. Do we know if the anti-vampire dance was meant to protect the cops FROM vampires or because he thought the cops WERE vampires? He might just be public spirited like that!

  17. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    If this apocalypse thing on September gets people going nuts then I’ll fall asleep and then as green day say just please wake me up when September ends. But that man Tom hooper I’m gonna look up more of his stories but guess Brandon Tenold was right we should go f Portland. I like to call tweaking the Miley Cyrus dance because heck she was the one who made it all popular and people fear it so it does work on vampires too(especially the Adam Sandler kind).

  18. I can tell that Nash and Tara have neither of them had to, nor been near anyone who had to, seriously fight a housecat.

    I’m not talking about when your cat hits you with her claws or nips you, that is playing.

    There’s a very good reason why they can take out Commoners in D&D. They have six ends, and five of them are pointy.

    My dad fought a 4 month old kitten once. He won the fight, but he was pretty damn bloody afterward. (no he did not kill the kitten)

  19. “I never had to learn the plural of apocalypse until I started hanging out with you!”
    I predict you are a butthole, Nostradamus!
    Quick! Get Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson and Ben Affleck on the job!
    Calling it now, this is the event where magic returns to the world and we finally get the Shadowrun future.
    “Complete participation in the grand incineration, over six billion tons of well-done steak!”
    We can have the world’s largest LARP of Melancholia
    Aw, we missed Ragnarok? I am disappoint.
    *looks at dice roll as the world ends* All right, who failed the fortitude check?
    Really, Ragnarok was this past February? Damn, I missed it.
    It’ll be like “Mad Miracle: Furry Road.”
    Damn apocalypse. Such a cocktease.
    If I knew the world was ending, it would be a hint to bump some things off my bucket list
    “What’s today, Thursday? Tomorrow night the world’s gonna end. Thought you might wanna know.”
    We can have the world’s alrgest LARP of Melancholia
    I’m so glad my priest basically said, “Fuck you. You can’t predict the end of the world. Stop scaring everyone.”
    “The doomsday meteor might end up running late, it depends on traffic.”
    I’ll go out the way I lived clopping until my dick hurt
    Are we sure this isn’t just extreme marketing for Independence Day 2?
    When the cats disapear then we’ll know that Bast has collected all her children and the apocalypse is really upon us.
    “Houston, we have a problem…doomsday bullshit has returned”
    Only in 2077 would this be good marketing of Fallout 4
    Still a better vampire story than Twilight.
    Not gonna lie, i was expecting Poop
    :Welp, didn’t stop Twilight, now, did it?
    I’m offended! That dancing wouldn’t ward off Edward Fucking Cullen
    “I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire!”
    I have a rock that repels Tigers, think He’ll want one?
    Cousin Larry! Let us do the dance of joy!
    Well, you know, in Dresden Files lore, symbols of faith ward of vampire. Maybe he believes in Hall and Oates? Or in the power of dance?
    The Prince of Miami saw this and said, “Huh, must be a Tuesday.”
    mabufu: Take that to the Asylum, you’ll have a budget and a former Baywatch actor within a week.
    Another case of “Not Hot For Teacher”
    And yet to his misfortune, it attracted the Thriller zombies and everyone died.
    Not Kitten Mittens?
    “Today children we’re going to show you Mommy and Daddys toys!”
    DAMMIT, Ms. Frizzle, this is not where we take a field trip!!!
    Is this the Magic School Bus porn parody?
    Ms. Frizzle had to teach Sex Ed again?
    Teacher: Okay Timmy, can you tell me what this is? Timmy: Uh, a fake dick. Teacher: Wrong, it’s called a Dildo. Now hit yourself with the whip behind you. Timmy: Uh…
    okay?!?
    “Kids, this is a buttplug. Can anyone tell me what this is used for?”
    DJ-Nash: Their hearts may have been in the right place, but their brains are retired and living as alpaca shearers in Idaho.
    “Ms. Frizzle, I found this weird thing in my mom’s drawer…” “To the bus!”
    “Teacher, can I take this cool pink sword home?” “That’s not a sword Timmy, put that down”
    *at lunch that day* “Hey Danny, I will trade you your edible underwear snack for my chocolate dildo snack!”
    “Mommy, did you know you can fit a baseball bat up your hoo-ha?”
    “I consent to my child to see and learn about a naked human body, but not a dildo”
    “Today children we’re going to show you Mommy and Daddys toys!”
    “Guys, look! Lightsabers!”
    Lost episode of the Magic School Bus: “The Magic School Bus Goes to the Sex Shop”, followed by the next lost episode: “The Magic School Bus gets Sued”
    “Mommy look, I got a new movie in school today, ‘back door sluts 9′, can we watch it?”
    DomonKasshu, you forgot an episode: “The Magic School Bus Gets Chlamydia”.
    “Daddy, what’s a BBC? I didn’t see the doctor anywhere…”
    “Hey Mommy, why does my pillow not have a hole in it?”
    I remember that my teacher when she did have sex ed class had a question box, and someone asked about anal sex
    But Tara, how can you have safe sex without safe words?
    “Now behave kids or you’ll get a spanking.”
    “Bajingo Cannon” is the least effective FTL weapon
    Tommy: A Rocket that’ll fit in my pocket? I want it!
    Newsflash: The teachers are Mr Garrison and Mr Slave.
    Your heart’s in the right place, but your brain obviously is not
    “I want my unemployment extra crispy.”
    “That’s the last straw… I’ll burn this place to the ground”
    “I’m fired? No, You’re fired!”
    KFC: Finger Lickin’ Good, To Burn Some Wood
    The correct response to being fired is not “FLAME ON!”
    “I sort of suck at my job anyway. May as well set the place on fire.”
    “I’m gon–I’m gonna need that stapl–I want–I’m gonna==but it’s mi—I’m gonna…burn this place down…someday…”
    “Damn KFC! I will show you, I will take it out on those trees! Take that trees~”
    He was just thinking of our health. Roasted chicken is healthier than fried.
    “The leprechaun told me to burn it!” Ralph Wiggum
    (singing) I am the god of Hellfire! I just got fired! So I’ll bring you…FIRE! (dun dun dun)! I’ll take you to learn…!
    “I fucked up, and i think I might be fired. Goin’ down, down, down to the trees to light a fire!”
    I can has arrest record?
    Cat kicks man out of his house? Who was he, Fred Flinstone?!
    “Hello officer? My cat’s gone crazy and I need help…….stop laughing, this is serious!”
    Hey cats can be terrifying. They claw your eyes out
    Sorry, gotta say it: “So, who’s the bigger pussy now?!”
    Law and Order…Special Felines Unit!!!
    Does it come with a 3-hour Ennio Morricone soundtrack?
    All Cats are innocent until proven guilty in a court of Paw!
    I took away his catnip and he went nuts!
    Was it a SWAT Kat?
    ‘All right! We have our demands! Firstly the Dog must be executed! Secondly we want ten tins of tuna! Thirdly we want a cab to drive us to the airport!’
    “The Shining 2: Heeeere’s Kitty!”
    “It’s resistant to the spray bottle! All hope is lost!”
    it was a black cat…
    Okay, have to chime in. This thing happened to my wife.
    “Well he’s got 9 lives, so fire away officer!”
    This is a buddy cop movie! A hard as nails cop and an animal control officer team up to take on a gang of rogue cats!
    “Breaker breaker, we got a 378 in progress. Spray bottles have been authorized. shoot to intimidate.”
    No kitty, you cannot have my house. Nooo kitty, you cannot have my house.
    “I’m not drunk. Everyone else is drunk.”
    I’m only a little wet drunk guy! hovering next to the DUI! I’m only a little wet drunk guy! Please look up at the sky!
    “Excuse me sir, do you have any alcoholic beverages in your car? And if so, can I have some?”
    Uhhhh… okay sir… can you *hiccup* get out of the car please? I said gettup or I’ll shoot you with my *hiccup* toy gun.
    there are plane clothesed officers so I can see why people would stop
    License and registration? *unzips and starts peeing* Well, when you gotta go…
    I am *hic The Law
    Law & Order: Alcoholic Unit
    You betayed *hic The Law!
    “Ima gunna need lishensh and resishtrachion… and alsho more booze.”
    So he’s a shithead AND a jerkoff.
    wow, that’s some Hades level poetic justice
    I’d ask why he was masturbating there of all places, but I’ve
    watched this show long enough to know people will crank one out anywhere.
    This is the origin story for a Troma film villain.
    Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get it up!
    “Get a load of my di- OH SHI-!
    wait what?! he got away
    I know, right? I was expecting /far/ worse
    Andy Defresne crawled through shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine. Because he was really horny.
    Didnt this man not learn from Borderlands 2? “No Fapping in the Crapper!”
    I need a shower
    Nothing’s sexy in the port-o-john
    Usually one gets the shit kicked out of him, not kicked onto him.
    Showing Others Your Genitals: Not Even Once.
    The Fappening 2: shit Got real’
    “Mommy I didn’t know you were in the movies. Can I meet King Dong?”

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