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In order for Christmas to be saved, you need to make a movie that’s so bad it instantly appears on the imdb bottom 100.
Tagged with: brad jones christmas cinema snob kirk cameron's saving christmas movies
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I thought this was a re-post of the midnight screeings – until I suddenly joyfully realised it was the Snob! Brad, I see you are definately still on a mission to share this special piece of cinema with as many people as possible, Kirk Cameron would be so proud to know how much it’s affected you.
If you are going to be reviewing insane Christian movies (and I’m all for that) can I suggest “Last Ounce of Courage”
It’s makes “God’s Not Dead” look like “Citizen Kane”
What did I just watch Kirk Cameron saving Christmas is an inappropriate title it should have been Kirk cameoron the movie since he’s in the thing so freakin much and he got top billing out of all the actors. Seriously though like the review and you should do a clip less review(especially since we could see more of Sarah,Brian,Dave and the rest of the team snob crew in it).
Btw next week you said you were reviewing a movie more f’d up than fun in ballonland(let me guess it’s Santa and the ice cream bunny isin’t it)!!
lol, I think the whole point of this movie was so that Cinema Snob COULD buy Kirk Cameron that PS4 he always wanted. ITS NO CONSPIRACY PEOPLE! WAKE UP! *puts the mug up over her mouth*
Putting a mug over my mouth and letting the audio do the talking that just seems too lazy but let’s hop brad got Kirk that PS4
I can’t even….
I had no idea it could be this unprofessional, poorly acted, full of bizarre misinformation, and padded with stilted dialogue.
When you see of the tree, think of a cross, and when you see the cross, think of a blanket, and when you see a blanket, think of murderous 4th century St Nicholas, and when you see murderous 4th century St Nicholas…
This isn’t anything like any Christian tradition I’ve ever seen…It’s this new weird Mel Gibson/persecution/hyper-commercialistic political Christianity.
I am frightened.
i get the feeling that you really like this bat shit crazy movie that you love to hate
It truly is a “So Bad It’s Good” Christian movie. The kind I have always wanted. XD
FUCK YEAH! Ever since watching the Midnight Screening reviews of this film, I’ve been dying to see more about it! Cross trees, here I come!
Considering how the film seems to be all-show, no-tell, it looks like the right wing nut job Christmas version of my least favorite movie: An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn. So on that angle, I don’t think I’d enjoy it on a so-bad-it’s-good level.
When it comes to the few people who actually like this drivel UNironically, I think some people are just so happy to have their beliefs and opinions expressed through art that they don’t care if the art is any good!
“When it comes to the few people who actually like this drivel UNironically, I think some people are just so happy to have their beliefs and opinions expressed through art that they don’t care if the art is any good!”
I think you accurately summed up all Christian media made in this century.
‘Course, there are people out there who are of the opinion that being religious either causes or results from being literally mentally deficient. I don’t take that position, but the kinds of media that gets popular in those circles makes a damn good case for it.
The only thing more painful than white people with no rhythym dancing is wannabe “kewl” trendy white Christians trying to dance and failing to sneak “subtle” religious poses like praying into the routine.
I had a feeling you were going to dive into the spiked eggnog early Snob, and the spiked egg nog being this movie of course XD
L-Liberty University? So it’s not just a student film, it’s a Jesus school student film?
Hoo boy, this is gonna be painful.
Actually Kirk, hot chocolate is bad for me. It causes acid reflux.
I was wondering last year if you were gonna review this stinker of a Christmas movie, …but BEFORE THANKSGIVING. Also, that Christmas getup is about a funny as Zack from Saved By the Bell as “Vanilla Ice’s bitch.”
1:56- And that’s ANOTHER reason why Ben Carson will Never be President: he has a really bad taste in movies.
2:27- Sure, let one of the crazies from Duck Dynasty review movies.
6:05- (Cough)Iron Man 3. (Cough)Guardians of the Galaxy. (Cough)Ant-Man. (Cough)Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2.
8:25- Uncle Bill looks like a Mall Santa who’s doing this as part of his deal with his payroll officer.
12:26- Sure, Kirk, remind us of Guyana: Cult of the Damned, a movie that (according to IMDB) is MUCH BETTER than yours.
16:16- Yeah, I first heard of Jackson Galaxy’s name on The Soup, aka the only good show on the E! network next to The Royals.
17:51- And here’s ANOTHER reason why this movie sucks: it’s pro-Fox News.
21:30- As a Christian myself, I’m already bored and confused out of my fuckin’ mind that this movie exists.
26:17- What the Santa Christ is going on with the editing?
32:03- Just when I thought this movie couldn’t possibly get any whiter.
This movie is right up there with “Rock: It’s Your Decision” when it comes to this reaction: “What in the holy name of Christ were you fuckin’ thinking!?”
36:43- Go fuck yourself in the ass with one of those tomatoes, Kirk
04:45 Technically thats true since most of the traditions associated with Christmas are taken from other holidays from different cultures. Christmas trees for instance are based on heathen western European traditions of taking branches of pines inside the house in order to keep nature alive. So yeah, what Kirk likes about Christmas has actually dick to do with it.
05:12 As Brad said the concept of drinking chocolate came from the Aztecs who drank grinded chocolate in hot water as part of ceremonies. Their non-Christian ceremonies. Another thing wich, according to American Christians, is not appropriate at all. I’m like 5 minutes into the review and I’m already drowning in hypocrisy and half truths. Nice job Kirk.
06:36 Grant Morrisons “Klaus” aviable now from Boom Studios! Seriously, why does St. Nikolaus look like he’s about to slay some orcs here? And it’s definitly him. I recognize his curved bishop stick… that came out wrong.
08:30 I give her credit that she convincingly and realistically plays a person who’s clearly the one managing the party while Kirk is just farting around. Managing a party is stressful people.
08:30 Christian White, huh? I think he’s upset because he doesn’t get along with his neighbours Muslim Brown and Kwanza Black. You see, they’re a gay couple and since he’s with Kirk Cameron Christan doesn’t like gays.
09:25 That scene was… upsetting… what the fuck? Something tells me that this wasn’t the tone that they originally wanted to go with and someone in the postprodution edited it that way.
11:20 Oh, that’s actually a quite important subject matter. Let’s see how they fuck it up.
11:49 Ladies an gentlemen, Christian Kirk Cameron saying a person who laments about not devoting Christmas to altruism, as in his own understanding good Christians should do, is wrong.
12:55 My snowglobe is pretty old and has Santa in skiing gear in it.
13:30 Yeah, it was in an episode of Game of Thrones too. So what Kirk?
16:15 “Jackson Galaxy?” There are several Steven Universe jokes to make here and I can’t decide wich one to choose. Given that he’s in a movie with Kirk Cameron though his family might be less gay than Stevens.
16:40 That’s from a Simpsons episode. Why is that here?
19:40 Well, before modern Christmas ornaments people would indeed put nuts and apples around the house and on the tree. Don’t think Cameron or the screen writers knew that though and where just makng shit up.
21:33 That would atleast protect him from Vampires.
21:40 So, pine trees are empty crosses? Is this suggesting that I should nail people at trees for petty crimes like the Romans did (contrary to popular belief crucifixian was not meant for capital crimes and more like a combination of a death sentence and a pillory)?
23:45 What was the point of that scene (technically should ask that for the whole movie but eh)? “Santa” comes from the dutch “Sinter” wich is the dutch form of “Sanktus” or “Sankt” wich in turn means “Saint”.
24:50 Tall hats, robes and swinging scepters? Is he talking about a LARP group thats just made up of high level spellcasters? And he’s mentioning Lord of the Rings as an American Christian who see that franchise as being Satanic? Really?
26:00 St. Niklaus is said to have done alot of things like helping the poor, praying a sinking ship into safety and enslaving Krampus (yes, he did). So why are they using the story of him beating the shit out of people in order to convince their audience of Christmas and not the ones that show him doing more pleasant deeds wich are more in the geneal tradition of the holiday? It comes of like “convert or die, infidel” to me.
27:50 What?! They crammed all that stuff into 15 minutes? Shit.
30:40 If I understand this narration right he basicly talks about how old traditions should be infused with new live by modernizing them in an appropriate way for current and future generations. Wait what? That can’t be right. Isn’t that exactly what he’s against? Ambivalence is part of human nature but Kirk Cameron goes too far here.
31:30 Cunnilingulus, Kirk. Cunnilingulus.
34:05 >>insert Brian Blessed reference here<<
36:40 Kirk, the families decided already. And they didn't choose you movie.
This movie just screams "Yo kids! The Bible is totally tubular!" It's really embarassing and I'm happy to not having watched it myself.
I distinctly remember the marketing for this film. It was billed as Kirk taking aim at the “war on Christmas”. And then the only reference to it is from the crazy conspiracy theorist characters. So we can add “false advertising” onto the list of offenses. Both to its target audience — who won’t actually notice or care because they’re so brain-damaged that they probably think those two guys are supposed to be right — and to anyone who went to see this because they expected it to be a hilarious train wreck, which… it kind of still is? But not in the way they were led to believe it would be.
This reminds me of something I recently saw on the Bookshelf at the local World’s Largest Retailer, a book called “The Real Force: A Forty Day Devotional”.
Allegedly its a book that “skillfully reveal the deep biblical ideals represented by the characters of the epic Star Wars saga.”….?!?!?!
And here I thought that George stole mainly from Buddhist teachings for the Jedi and such 9_9
Then again, that would explain how Baby Jesus escaped Herod: “This is not the Messiah you’re looking for” ^_^
Why do you dressed-up like this penguin from Food Fight all of the sudden? Do you want to represent materialistic side of the Christmas this way? 😀
The irony is that there’s absolutely nothing in Christmas that’s actually biblical. Yet these Christians defend it like there’s no tomorrow.
Even if there existed a man who the story of Jesus was based on, he was quite certainly not born on 25th of December. The bible itself does not give any clear indication of a birth date, but it can be indirectly deduced that it was much earlier in autumn.
There is no command or even a recommendation in the bible to celebrate the birth of Jesus. There aren’t even any examples of anybody doing so. This celebration is purely an invention of the Roman Church (who adapted the Roman saturnalia, which was not coincidentally on 25th of December, give or take a day.)
The story of the wise men is most likely a complete fabrication, and it’s rid with extremely non-Christian details (such as divination from stars, which the Old Testament abhors.)
Absolutely none of the modern Christmas traditions are either from the bible, or from early Christianity. Instead, they are all borrowed from pagan cultures. The tree, the decorations, the ham, Santa, giving of gifts… all of them are from pagan traditions and religions. None of them are from any biblical source.
Yet devout Christians like Cameron keep defending Christmas… because reasons. Victim complex, I suppose.
I don’t know why it needs defending in the first place since everyone is free to celebrate or not celebrate Christmas any way they see fit. I personally don’t see the harm in using it as a day to commemorate the birth of Christ regardless of the details, but if others find that inappropriate they can always choose to either do things differently or just skip it entirely.
Consider the following;
1. No one really cares that its not the same day of the year; Its not celebrating it on the anniversary. Its celebrating it on a day that is convenient for people of various beliefs to celebrate together.
2. There is historical evidence of Pontius Pilate convicting him and whatnot. There very clearly was a guy who went around preaching and people believed was the son of god and whatnot. You’re free to be convinced he wasn’t.
3. Just because they’re not biblical doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate and enjoy them with our friends and family regardless of their religious beliefs. Like Dave said in the midnight screenings, even as an athiest he can still celebrate it with his family.
I’d imagine the non-biblical aspects only really pose a problem for people who belong to strict fundamentalist “bible only” churches and/or churches that are trying to distance themselves from Catholicism as much as possible.
Does Kirk Cameron mention that the image of the modern Santa Claus was probably taken from the Old English deity Woden (also known as Odin)
Technically no…
The truly modern incarnation of “Santa Claus” was the creation of commercial artist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast, who died around the turn of the 20th century.
Before that it was mashup of various European folk heroes and St Nicholas himself. Nast was of German American descent, so the legends of Kris Kringle probably weighed heavily on his influences.
This certainly does not discount the bearded Odin being a possible part of the bigger picture that influenced Santa Claus imagery through history, but it’s likely the actual St. Nicholas (who may or may not have been impressively bearded) was the stronger influence.
I would change my last name if I saw my dad doing the worm in public.
Brad, I know it’s the 19th, but it’s the 19th of November.
Mind blown. Kirk Cameron actually worshiped Santa-Christ all along!
OMG. You’re right! However, there were no pancakes in the movie. 🙁
Funny how punching Arias somehow got turned into a Kill Bill beatdown. Pretty sure there’s nothing in that folklore (and yes, it’s folklore, not a confirmed event) about trying to beat Arius to death. He just wanted him to shut the hell up… you know, like lots of people would if they had to deal with a pompous ass like Arius.
And apparently Kirk hasn’t heard that a good chunk of Santa’s mythic DNA did come from Nicholas of Myra… who probably didn’t wander through snowy woods, due to being in what is now Turkey… but another chunk came from the god Odin. If anything, ODIN was hijacked by Christianity, so the same traditions could be celebrated in Christianity.
Of course, I suspect he wouldn’t be okay with the whole history of Christianity absorbing pagan traditions and rites as long as they didn’t contradict church teachings… you know, things like Christmas trees, stockings, reindeer, wedding rings, etc.
Oh, and who except the crazies use the “Santa = Satan” excuse? It can be easily dispelled just by pointing out that Santa has countless names in many different cultures. Or is “Pere Noel” also an anagram for Satan?
And… swaddling clothes? Um, Kirk, ALL babies had swaddling clothes back then, because footie onesies had not been invented yet. And all corpses probably got shrouds (if they could afford a nice tomb).
And what is this about God having a house? The hell? Um…
Probably the most obnoxious thing is Cameron trying to claim that God WANTS us to just roll around in Christmas excess instead of thinking of others. Look, if you like the whole Christmas experience, good on ya. I love the lights and trees and everything. But don’t claim that charity and kindness to others in need is “un-Christian” because then you wouldn’t be making the biggest deal out of Christ’s “official” birthday humanly possible. I suspect Christ would prefer you buy a well in Africa so impoverished children can have clean drinking water, instead of draping your house in lights. As the Snob said, gluttony and greed! Pretty sure having things you want at the expense of others is what that’s about!
Instead you try to claim the things you like all have important religious significance, and if you don’t celebrate it as frequently and loudly and pushily as possible… you’re not a good Christian. Because Christmas isn’t about doing as Christ wants in your heart, but in loudly pushing it on other people. Bah humbug.
Hip-hop and gospel? Ye gods, this is the whitest party I’ve ever seen. Not just because Kirk Cameron is in it, but because it has an African-American man who makes Burton Guster and Carlton Banks look like gangsta rappers.
And finally, all the Christmas specials and movies we’ve ever seen say, either implicitly or explicitly, that Christmas is about love and kindness and not material things. So of course, Cameron insists that it’s about material things, not love or kindness. Because if God were shouting at this planet with a bullhorn, Cameron would not hear a word.
Fucking Rasputin Claus!! D:
The way that Kirk spoke condescendingly to the brother-in-law, especially after he states that Jesus wasn’t really born on the 25th of December. “Mm hm, mm hm, mm hm. So tell me then, when WAS he born?” Seriously??
As long as Kirk makes shit up, as long as he pulls it out of his ass with authority and applies it to his “faith,” then it’s totes okay. Oh man, I seriously want to see his version of world history & reenactments of bible stories. And the fucking crocoduck.
This isn’t very snobby, a bit too much like a midnight review.
This is like The Room but with less entertaining acting.
You said it Snob, you said it all.
This film will forever offend everyone and I think every person in the whole wide world would agree that it is a truly pathetic loser bad film even including and I quote “The groups of the worst human enemies who would of seen this film would find something to agree with on equal terms of common humanity.” This film is so shitty-bad that I can imagine Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin and Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Winston Chruchill and Benito Mussolini and Charles De Gaulle and the former Emperor of Japan and former Yuogslavian Tito would watching this movie from beyond the grave in a joint heaven and hell center movie theater or as zombies laughing all the way and momemtarily being friendly to each other (Then again they all historically had good taste in cinema as that was it’s Golden Age). I would even let Kirk Cameron and Darren Doane to be made fun of by ISIS Islamic Terrorist members and blow him all away by putting them in a dumpster and with a grenade in their. God see what this movie has done to me with my really mean dark humor even the makers of Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas pretty much deserved it.
forgot the word “though” sorry.
This movie should offend of all Christianity Non-sectarian and even sectarian or just be made fun of, any Pope in the 1500 years of history (Papal States of Rome and the modern Vatican) would agree with me, By the way I would like to randomly mention that the Dominican Order of St Dominic De Guzman formed in the 1200’s still exists today in the Vatican suburb or enclave of Rome, Italy notoriously known as Domini Canes or Hounds of the Lord.
“The true meaning of Christmas is….BLANKETS!” Thank you, movie, for explaining this to me. 😀
I am now officially offended in the name of:
Catholic Christians
All Christians
Atheists
LGBTQ folk
JRR Tolkien
Druids
Trees
The Universe
Jewish people, a.k.a. me
Dang it, Kirk. I used to have a platonic crush on you when I was eight! You, Luke Skywalker, and River Phoenix! WHEN DID WE GROW APART? *sobs* 🙁
But Brad really rocks that Santa outfit.