Midnight Screenings: Jupiter Ascending

Team Snob checks out The Wachowski’s Jupiter Ascending.

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.


  1. From your cellphone picture it appears that your theater has some really nice seats.

    Thanks for the review of Seventh Son. You just kept me from paying to see it in 3D.

  2. I keep confusing Seventh Son with The Giver.

  3. Spomgebob sucks. Bring back Ren & Stimpy! And, preferably, not the APC.

  4. This is PERFECT timing you guys! I’m trying to figure out which of these movies I want to see this month! Although, the spoiler was a bit earlier in this review. Although, this is probably the one though because I LOVE 3D. Due to that, I stopped the review early and I’ll come back later.

    I’m disappointed with your review of Seventh Son. Not the review itself but when I’m considering about watching a movie all I want to know is: Does it look cool? Is the 3D good? If those two things are met, then I’ll probably want to see it. It sounds like it failed on at least one of these counts. This review was REALLY funny though. I was laughing so hard! 😀 Although, I didn’t know that Spook was a demeaning name. That’s the one thing I’ve NEVER heard of.

    I’m iffy on this Spongebob movie as I find the newer episode unfunny. Maybe… Is the 3D good? Pharrell’s group N.E.R.D. actually DID do a good chunk of the music of this movie.

    • That’s a benefit of watching reviews like these. I’ve seen a few 3D movies where there was very little of the “eye popping” visuals that you want from a 3D film and if it doesn’t make a difference then you shouldn’t waste the extra couple of bucks to see the 3D version. Best 3D movie I ever saw was ‘Dredd’. That actually got me to buy a 3D tv and bluray player.
      Like you I also didn’t know that “spook” was demeaning to any group of people. Could this possibly mean that there’s more racial sensitivity, and/or tolerance, in the world now that the use of such terms is becoming more rare?

  5. So apparently, when The Spook’s Apprentice books came to the US, they changed the name to The Last Apprentice. I have read the first book and hated it because I can’t stand “witch hunt” stories. Also the witch died by “possessing” the ground which she traveled though, she then went through a pig’s food trough while pigs were eating, so the pigs ate her. The trailer looks like a collection of several of the books.

  6. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Yeah jake likes spongebob.Well i knew that during his paddington review but yeah. You should watch uncle grandpa if you wanted to be weirded out. I think the other trailer you got was probably hotel translyvania 2 cause the critics will probably give that bad reviews but doug liked the first one so it might be decent enough. I didn’t realize that seventh son was delayed more then once.That must have sucked for that to be the studios last film. Likely when i watch brad and sarah’s video on jupiter ascending it won’t have any spoilers cause i really wanna see that movie and i won’t skip there trailer section even though they talked about it on dave and brian’s review for seventh son. btw, i would have liked to see more spoilers in the seventh son review cause i don’t really care about seeing that and would have liked to see you guys have spoiled it at first but i guess i should go look more spoilers up online for the flick cause you guys didn’t mention much about it. The jupiter ascending review was great. The best review out of the three that have been put on the site.I heard that mila kunis wasn’t very good in chris stuckmann review for it but hey guess the character was the problem not the actor. I’m glad you guys didn’t spoil too much of the movie for me cause i would really like to see how insane it really is.I didn’t know why critics are hatin on this movie hard cause it sounds like a fun time even if it does have bad reviews on rotten tomatoes.Do they show mila kunis changing from her human clothes cause that would definitely get me in the movie besides the villian and all the crazy stuff that is happening.I’ll definitely go see jupiter ascending on the weekend of my birthday and i might see the spongebob movie: sponge out of water cause jake and irving’s review for it kind of made it interesting to watch in theaters. can’t wait for the next pair of reviews and you should definitely get jake and irving to do more team up reviews together cause it’s glad to see the old team back together.

  7. Aw yeah, Vorkosigan Saga!

  8. That’s really funny you mention the lizard people look like the ones from Mario Bros. because the first time I saw anything about Jupiter Rising (or whatever) it had pics of Mila Kunis in her Empress costume, the lizard people and Channing Tatum with his rocket boots… so immediately I thought “Oh shit, they’re remaking Mario Bros.!” And I must have seen the Wachowskis were doing it, which made me think even more that it was a remake (or reboot I guess), because they had done Speed Racer, so why not another Japanese influenced thing?

    From the sound of it though… maybe they should have gone in that direction… 😮

  9. “Chinaman”? Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

  10. Jupiter Ascending isn’t as bad as everyone says it is. The world-building is incredible and there’s such meticulous detail in the visual effects, costume design and other aesthetic elements to it. The main issue with it is all the legalities it’s preoccupied with – half the movie is Mila Kunis about to sign contracts. It also follows the “chosen girl” young adult novel-style template to the letter. I was kind of let down by Eddie Redmayne, because I was looking forward to something more over-the-top and delightfully evil. I’m really glad Brad and Sarah did enjoy it on the whole.

  11. All I see is Mila Kunis as a Ukrainian Geisha or specifically dressing up Mila Kunis who happens to be Ukrainian-American like a Geisha.

  12. What the hell have those bat-shit fucking insane Polish director brothers have been smoking out there, I might buy the DVD someday just for the fun ride ridiculous insanity of it, I like Spongebob Squarepants and don’t fully know but want to avoid Seventh Son.

    • See the movie while it’s still in theaters. It’s definitely a movie that benefits from a big screen and 3D. Critics are hating it, but then critics are morons. It’s one of the most creative movies I’ve seen in years, which is a breath of fresh air in an age when almost all our scifi is recycled superhero movies.

  13. Yeah, Jupiter Ascending was a wild movie. A bit like The Fifth Element, Dune, Men in Black and a bottle of tequila tossed into a blender. I loved it.

    The alien sister wanted to get her acknowledged as her mother’s heir to screw her older brother out of his inheritance since his company is her company’s top competitor.

    And yeah, there was ZERO sexual chemistry between Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum. Though it felt like Kunis was trying REALLY hard to have chemistry with Tatum and Tatum didn’t want any of that.

  14. Well at least one group of people had a good time out of all of you. Wasn’t aware that Jake was into Spongebob.

  15. The_Necroposter

    As usual, I’m necroposting a little, but I feel compelled to point something out: the name of the Irish actor Cillian Murphy is pronounced Killian. It’s Celtish. That is very easy to look up. It’s nitpicky, I know.

    The villain who makes it worth watching Jupiter Ascending is called Eddie Redmayne. He’s 32 years old and has just won an Oscar. I agree with your assessment of his performace here: he was clearly hamming it up on purpose in this movie, and it was FRIGGING AWESOME. I love that dude. He was hilarious in this. It’s worth watching just to see him give his best Michael Sheen impression. FABULOUS XD !!!!!

  16. Funny thing that happened to me with Seventh Son.
    I was watching it on DVD at home in English. During that I was chatting with a friend who was also watching it at the same time in her home but dubbed in our own language. I understand English perfectly, but with this movie half the time I had to ask her what the hell Gregory is saying because I couldn’t understand a thing 😀

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