Midnight Screenings: Top Five

Brad and Ryan check out Chris Rock’s new movie Top Five.

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.


  1. Ever since it was announced, I have been AGAINST the Annie remake. Not the casting, I’m all for casting someone different who usually wouldn’t be cast in the role.

    The BEST adaptation of Annie– BY FAR– is the 1999 made-for-TV movie starring Kathy Bates

  2. okay for jake believe or not nyc did have a rich tycoon mayor probably why they used it in the plot . for him to be mayor would basically means alot of restoration of the city and cutting corners maybe.

  3. Dave, what the hell are you talking about.

    Lancelot was super-handsome. He was only made ugly as a subversion of his usual appearance as the ideal knight in The Once and Future King, which was published in the 30s. Is that the “older text” you are talking about?

  4. I’m not into R-rated comedies so I had no interest in seeing Top Five. Although, yay, you brought Ryan back! Sometimes I think that it would be fun to be a reality star but then I realize that my life would be really boring to watch since I just shop, look up movie reviews, and go to college. In an interview, Rosario did say that some of their dialogue WAS ad-libbed. Oh my god, the Top Five review ITSELF was hilarious.

    The first movie came out when I was still a kid. The second movie was meh to me. That might be because I was in middle school when the second one came out. I’m hopeful for Night at the Museum 3 now. I didn’t know that Lancelot was ugly and French. I learned something new today! I’ll come back to this review sometimes later.

    Jake was so bored with talking about Annie that he sounded drunk. I still want to see it because I’m a sucker for musicals. Curse that! Judging from just the trailers alone, I couldn’t tell if I wanted to see it or not. Oh my god, that bro conversation. I’ll come back to this review sometimes later.

    • Honestly, Jake’s review of Annie was incompetent at best. He should never be allowed, let alone forced, to review any movie whose target audience is 4 to 12 year old little girls. He’s too much of a hipster to review any such movie out of his demographic range on the base of its merits. Brad should’ve known better than to put him up to it, because this isn’t the first time Jake has fouled up a review out of his demographic. He literally just does not grasp certain things, especially when we’re talking a remake that involves a nostalgia factor. He conveniently forgot that Carol Burnett got trashed by critics for her piss poor performance in the original, and that Tim Curry’s Rooster was frightening enough to include a massive warning by critics to anyone with small children NOT to see the original.

      This movie is great, and the technical aspect of several songs is far superior to the original. While the original still did things that you can consider to be better, this movie is not “worse” than the original, let alone as bad as Jake makes it out to be.

      As far as your comments about Jake being drunk – I wouldn’t be surprised given how he was speaking in this review.

      • Carol Burnett was TRASHED?! But she was the BEST Miss Hannigan!! God that;’s what the 82 movie was known for!

        • My thoughts exactly. She was amazing as Miss Hannigan, in my opinion. It’s surprising to me that critics thought she was horrible.

          • Both of you should really look up some older reviews from critics. Carol Burnett was largely considered, by the vast majority of the critics of the time, to be the weakest link in the entire production. The Original movie had an average 2 1/2 stars for a reason.

    • Just to clarify – this Annie is an Update. It’s NOT a Do-Over or a Re-Do or a Reboot. This movie doesn’t “replace” Annie, and was never intended to. This movie is a contemporary version, rather than a classical version. It’s asinine to think that the story of Annie can never be remade, as asinine as it is to think Romeo and Juliet can never be remade.

      This movie is to the original, as West Side Story is to Romeo and Juliet.

  5. Cool. Almost a full hour of Jake being casually racist while Brad looks on and laughs lovingly.

    Not really a fan of Chris Rock or that style of movie but I loved I Think I Love My Wife and although I’m not surprised that Top Five was good, I wasn’t really interested in seeing it til now.

    • FilmBrainsGoldfish

      Not sure if you’re being sarcastic or not, but nothing he said was racist, “casually” or otherwise. If anything, the lady in the theater was racist to him.

  6. “Could have been named after Sandy Hook” Shwi-bee-bee-di-di-doo.

    And we all follow Brad into hell for laughing.

  7. Hey Brad, How come you don’t do 80s Dan, Brad & Jarrid, Kung Tai Ted, or The Big Box anymore?

  8. Since when is Lancelot ugly? He’s NEVER been portrayed as ugly.

  9. No, Jake, no. You’ve got a serious problem here in regards to how you viewed Annie. Your first big problem is your hipster love affair with anyone from an older generation which you feel makes you smarter. Carol Burnett really wasn’t that good as Miss Hannigan, not in the least. Several songs in this version were superior to the original in technical performance. Your commentary about the remaking of the film also puts you in a questionable position as far as the movie goes. This movie was a contemporary portrayal. The first movie was a classic portrayal. I also suggest you take a moment to get those rose colored glasses off, and read what some of the critics had to say about the original, let alone the stage play when it first hit Broadway.

    Please, Brad, never send Jake on any assignment similar to this movie, especially musicals, let alone any sort of remake.

    • WHAT?! You’re wrong,. Carol Burnett was THE best Miss Hannigan!!! That’s what the 82 movie was known for her. GREAT performance in this role!!

      • Speaking from a strictly historical perspective, not from someone with nostalgic eye wear, the original Annie averaged a 2 1/2 – 3 star rating. Carol Burnett and Tim Curry were the two most criticized elements in the movie.

        I actually looked up the past reviews of Annie. Reviews that actually came out by the big reviewers of 1982. Sure, some gave it 5 stars, but the average was middle of the road for a reason.

  10. I’m back. I’m either seeing Big Eyes or Annie. I actually want to see Seventh Son. It looks really good to me. The first Paul Blart was… mixed to me. The first hour was stupid but after that it became was a pretty funny slapstick movie.

  11. Moviemantweeter1999

    Sarah and Dave have such good chemistry in the night at the museum 3 review. I hope that you send them to focus or if there not avalible then send Ryan and Irving or do a double feature since you and Brian are going to see the lazarus effect.also the subtitle for night at the museum 3 is night at the muesum:secret of the tomb and no rebel Wilson isin’t British she’s Australian.

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