Ms Velma’s Most Incredibly Magnificent Christmas Week

Like if an insane asylum put on a Christmas special in the same universe as Fun in Balloon Land! aka “Ms Velma’s This Is Christmas in America.

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.


  1. 2 crazy holiday specials. It is a Christmas miracle. I sure do miss fat grandma, though.


    • My theory is that there is an eldritch god who frequently sends these movies to him in order to further Brads descent into madness.

      Or maybe he raids old video storages.

  3. Got the feeling that inmates at an insane asylum would find this crazy.

  4. I’m dissapointed. I was expecting Velma Dinkley in a sexy Santa outfit and not some old lady who seems to be not that well in her head.

    01:13 is it just me or does that guy sounds somewhat like Herbert the pedophile from Family Guy?

    02:30 “most powerful woman” and “eternal youth” huh? Well first off, she doesn’t looks that young anymore and secondly that’re already Wonder Womans titles.

    03:24 “Article on the Jaggers “incredible pleasures””?! Uuuuuuhhhhh…. I’m just gonna say nope? …. that doesn’t sound right at all….

    06:08 >>insert Bandit Keith saying “in America” here<<

    06:30 That is one androgynous fella.

    07:30 That supposed to be red? Looks like orange to me.

    09:30 Okay, what the hell is it with the slow talking?

    11:45 Holy fuck! Sounds like someone is raping Chip and Dale! Why Ms. Velma? Why?!

    12:20 That one actually sounds decent. Better than the rest at least.

    13:40 Eeeerrrmmmm… this doesn't sound like it's legal.

    14:27 I don't think they actually care after the Christians gave them all small pox Ms. Velma. Be happy they don't use the folding chair because the quality of your show would warant it.

    16:33 Again not as bad as the other stuff. She at least seems to have found half way decent singers.

    21:40 Translation: convert infidel or die. That's a nice Christmas message.

    22:24 Wat? Okay, who was this special actually conceived for? It seems to start out like a regular, if really crappy, Christmas special so it might've been made for a family audience but then it ads more and more religious elements to it making it seem like it's for highly religious people. But then it does feature slight comedy making it appear more family friendly.

    That show seems like there was no planning put into it at all. The way you present it here there doesn't seem to be any order or common theme for the various segments. I'm guessing all this looked much better in her head.

  5. When they said they were dreaming of a white Christmas back in the day, this can’t possibly be what they meant!!… Right…? It’s okay, we got these middle-aged youths from Hawaii and Ms. Velma wearing an “In’jin” head dress, right? AMURRICUH! FUCK NOOO!! I vaguely remember, that I had witnessed TV specials like these in the early 80’s (featuring mostly country singers) when my dad had us stationed in Kentucky and Virginia.

    If these Manger Babies got into that van, there won’t be Hank Hill as God to catch them if that van veers off the stage D:

    Ms. Velma kinda does look like Fat Grandma though…

  6. ….you know, now all the Bloom County cartoons I’ve ever read don’t seem like exaggerations….

  7. “I’m gonna dress up like an injun and shoot some balloons, for Jesus.”

  8. In my years, producing, directing and editing Canadian Community TV I have seen some pretty strange stuff. However, in my darkest nightmares I have never seen something like this. Where do you dig this stuff up?

  9. MidnightScreeningsman2014

    Wow this is definitely crazier than fun in balloon land(I will say that but at least theres an actual person instead of just children and weird talking balloons). This was way weirder than Kirk Camerons Saving Christmas at least you can say Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas had a point to it. I loved the aloha reference since its arguably Cameron Crowes worst film but I’m surprised you referenced it given you haven’t even seen it(hey that’s what Sarah and Dave are for right;)

    Also I’m pretty sure this ended up on the same channel to where all those other horrible Christian movies get played(War Room,Gods Not Dead 1 and 2,Do You Believe? Etc.) I can’t wait to see what other colorful hi jinks miss Velma gets into(and how weirder these get I’ll still be there watching every miss Velma episode you review I’m sure on that;

  10. Professor von SCIENCE!!!

    Oh, I thought playing the hand organ meant… well, considering Brad’s typical fair I thought it was going somewhere else.

  11. The fuck did I just watch? I’d rather go fap over parade floats with the lady from Fun in Balloonland than watch this nightmare. Are we sure this isn’t Samara’s Christmas video? Because I’m pretty damn sure that if I don’t make a copy and show this to someone else in seven days, I’m going to be killed by a creepy ass angel lady floating out of my TV while whatever the hell was happening in the animal scene plays in the background.

  12. I think I know why this movie doesn’t have an IMDB page, because this was originally someone’s home movie that some jackass decided to post online.

    9:29- The Cowntess from Pee-wee’s Playhouse was more convincing that this shit.

    15:01- Holy shit! Okay, I’m all for the government taking away Ms. Velma’s guns before she shoots her eye out. …Ha, see what I did there?

    20:27- Saruman Jesus vs. Santa Christ! MAKE IT HAPPEN! Besides, Santa Christ quoted Gandalf in the Nostalgia Critic review of Son of the Mask.

    21:44- Goddammit, War on Christmas, enough of your anti-religion shit!

    25:44- As a christian, I can say that the people behind this and Rock: It’s Your Decision are fuckin’ morons.

  13. Christmas is coming early this year in Snobville! Oh, and don’t worry about reviewing Christmas themed videos before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has passed…in Canada.

    This looks like some show that was aired on some local cable TV channel. I do wonder how you come across some of these things you review. Did someone send this, or did you just have this in your collection for some reason?

    Ah, the 70s, back when trying to be culturally diverse would still be seen as insensitive by today’s standards. Also, when you said those animals sounded like demon-possessed Chipmunks, you weren’t kidding.

    When she started going on about how prayer and religion should be put back in schools, I was like “Oh, fuck! Of course she’d do this. Can’t be a fundie Christian special without it!”

    “This is Christmas in America!” with the emphasis on America. I see more red, white, and blue than green and gold.

    Of course, now that you’ve covered one of this crazy lady’s specials, I think people are going to want to see you review whatever other things she’s done.

  14. – Delta Burke dressed up as a Russian nesting doll, I laughed my ass off…

    – The resurrected god echo voice statue costume…thing, I lost control of my bowels.

  15. If you take a shot every time Velma said “Christmas In America!” you’ll wind up in the hospital.

  16. The cow sounds like Tree Trunks from Adventure Time.

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