Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles – The Cinema Snob

In preperation for the new Ninja Turtles movie, The Cinema Snob checks out this slightly more full frontal version of the characters.

About thecinemasnob

Brad Jones portrays The Cinema Snob, a pretentious film snob who is stuck with reviewing Z-Grade exploitation flicks of the past. I'm a big guy. For you.


  1. April O Neil is played by April O Neil? Is that her real name?

  2. The costumes are still better than the third movie, weirdly enough.

  3. But… turtles are reptiles – they don’t HAVE dicks (Ten inch or otherwise)! I expect better biological knowledge from XXX Parodies.

  4. The Mysterious M

    From that opening, I’m surprised he hasn’t done any of Vivid’s parodies yet

  5. You’ve paid for this movie?

  6. I’m usually not a Cinema Snob fan but I heard that this one is really really odd so I wanted to know what people meant without actually watching the porn itself. People really built it up. It’s not as odd as I thought it was going to be.

  7. Honestly those costumes are surprisingly good. Actual official TMNT productions have had way worse-looking costumes than those.

  8. Not only do turtles have penises, they have really, REALLY long ones. Like, half the length of their bodies. So human sized turtles being 10 inches is actually rather on the small side.

    At least if “Scientifically accurate Ninja Turtles” is to be believed.

  9. for gods sake, the costumes in this stupid porn parody are actually some of the best I’ve ever seen from live action ninja turtles. I mean, they aren’t quite Jim Henson but they’re better than the Christmas special, the musical, the Next Mutation TV series, and for fucks sake, the Casey Jones and April characters are the best looking depictions of the characters I have ever seen in live action. It’s almost like they freaking gave a crap about this! Too bad they didn’t want to risk damaging those costumes with a turtle fuck scene because it could have been a sight to behold.

    • I didn’t think Shredder was that real looking. The fight scene didn’t look like much, and I can see why they didn’t show it. Also if you look closely, the Turtle costumes didn’t make the Turtles out to be that strong, though it was textured nicely.

  10. I’m sure Brad is just kidding as the Snob, but hey, you get to see a hot woman get boned and then live out the fantasy of at least 50 percent of the Turtle fanbase. What is there to complain about?

  11. Was the moon vs days comment an Equestria Girls reference?

  12. I bought this movie fully expecting to see mutant turtle splooze all over Spreader’s back no later than the 6 minute mark. I’m so pissed about it that I’m gonna go complain about it in the comments section of an internet critic’s movie review page.

    *storms off*

  13. To be fair the girl that played April O’Neil is really cool and quite nice. She also is pretty hot in her normal attire and doesn’t look at all like how you would think a Pornstar looks like, you know how Megan Fox does. April looks more like a hipster a cute hipster but a hipster none the less.

  14. Snob, you talk about money in reference to this porn parody? Woodrocket put this clip on their website for free, according to research. So no money spent for this. And yes, the story is pointless and April O’Neil is nice. And the costumes and references are good. You can see, Lee Roy Myers actually takes care of the source material. They actually created real turnle costumes for this and put the movie available for free for everyone. This should give the credits to. And to be honest the look on April’s face when she feels sorry for us not to see the ninja action is pretty funny.
    BTW you should check out the Back to the Future porn parodies there are. Lee Roy Myers had a similar porn movie like the TIMNT, called Fap to the future, with April O’Neil as Marty DickFly and some guy doing a horrible Christopher Lloyd impression. But here you see, they watched the movie. There is also “Backside To the Future” from 1986, which has a cool theme song, a real Delorean and something about time travel (no actual parodies or references to the original movie) and a british movie called “Back in Time”, which is closer to the movie then the 1986 spoof.
    Maybe this is something for you.

  15. Those costumes are better than they have any right to be.

  16. What the heck is the audience for these ‘porn parodies’ anyway? They can’t be for masturbation material, they’re too stupid for that. And nobody with a shred of shame would want to watch it in company. It’s not even funny, and even if it were, the porn aspect would make it too embarassing to watch as a comedy. I wonder how these things get funded

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