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This week The Horror Guru reviews THE MUMMY (2017)!
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“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.” When that’s the best praise that a film can get these days, that should tell you what you need to know about the state of cinema these days.
“The mummy herself is rather bland, boring, and pointless.” And when that’s the description of the “horrible, eldritch monster” of your film, that’s pathetic.
The whole “Dark Universe” thing: I wish they would just make good versions of the monsters’ stories, and then let them come together naturally. These are MONSTERS, not the freaking Avengers!
DC hasn’t “done it” yet. One good movie out of four isn’t a good batting average.
It is quite weird because plot summary sound in fact quite cool.. mostly.. well, excluding blatantly stupid parts.. but overall idea could work. So they definitely screw the execution.
And seriously? A “Dark Universe”? When you turning classic horror movies into bland action movies? Seriously? That isn’t a joke, isn’t it? Because it sound like some troll. So if so it show how low respect Universal has for own franchises, because in case of DC they at least have excuse for puberty period in originating in the kid industry. Ironic part is that even comic horror stories are usually better and more scary then what Universal doing now.
As for DC: Wounder Women show promise that they could in fact go over that “dark” period and understand finally what they fans want, but I agree.. it is bit too early to claim that they went out that hole.
“And seriously? A “Dark Universe”? When you turning classic horror movies into bland action movies?”
That seemed to work for the Brandon Frasier film a few decades back. And the Frasier film does work as a fun comedic adventure film. But I thought the intention of the “Dark Universe” was to bring the franchises back to their HORROR roots, not to try to turn the monsters into superheroes.
What they really NEED to do, instead of trying to follow Marvel and DC, is to take the various monsters and Make Scary Movies with them.
Of course, there are some HUGE problems with trying to do that in this day and age. Horror just isn’t what it used to be. Frankenstein’s monster – he’d definitely be more of a sympathetic character today; does the concept of “He can’t help what he is” sound familiar? Dracula – vampires run the gambit from stake-fodder weaklings for Blade, Buffy and Alucard to slaughter by the dozens to the annoying Sparklepires of the Twilight Sog; people just aren’t as interested in vampires as villains anymore. The Wolfman – the same thing with Frankenstein and Vampires; he’d probably be portrayed as sympathetic rather than horrific. Maybe that’s why they decided to go this route; maybe they know that their villains are going to end up garnering sympathy rather than terrifying their audience.
But The Mummy – the Mummy has potential. Essentially, you’d just need an undead wizard calling upon eldritch abominations to give him life, but having to sacrifice humans to gain his powers. I’m thinking you could easily incorporate elements of Lovecraft in such a tale, with references to Yog Sothoth and Nyarlathotep – deities so dark and twisted that even the polytheistic ancient Egyptians tried to forget about them.
Bottom line: the “Dark Universe” is bound to fail. And it’s bound to fail because they’re only trying to imitate Marvel and DC and not doing a very good job of it. And the Universal Monsters just don’t fit that profile, and therefore trying to do the same thing with them is bound to fail.
The “Horror Monster as Action Adventure” worked for the Brandon Frasier film about two decades ago.
The thing is, the Universal Monsters are supposed to be HORROR. But I’m not even sure you could do good horror movies with the Universal Monsters today. Let’s take a few examples:
Frankenstein’s Monster – he would be a more sympathetic character today. Does the paradigm, “He can’t help what he is” sound familiar in today’s modern cultural landscape?
Count Dracula – Vampires run a gambit from the stake-fodder weaklings that Buffy and Blade slaughter by the hundreds to the sleek emo sexy vampires of the Lestat variety, to the Sparklepires of the Twilight Sog. Dracula today would probably be more of a sex symbol than a horrific monstrous abomination.
The Wolfman – Werewolves suffer the same problems of sympathy that would plague the Frankenstein Monster, and the sexualization presented by the Twilight Sog. They’d come across as less scary and more cuddly in today’s cultural context.
The Mummy – Now here is some potential. An ancient undead wizard that traffics with dark, twisted eldritch deities to gain life and power. Throw in some Lovecraftian references to Yog Sothoth or Nyarlathotep – deities so abominable that even the polytheistic ancient Egyptians would rather forget they exist. Make it so that the Mummy has to make blood sacrifices, and intends to unleash his or her dark gods upon the world at large, and you’ve got the makings of a truly horrific epic. Too bad they screwed it up.
Bottom line: the Universal Monsters are not superheroes. Trying to copy what Marvel and DC are doing isn’t going to work for them, because they don’t fit those particular molds (no pun intended). Just take the monsters and try to tell scary stories with them. Then, later, if having them team up against humanity or fight each other for their own ends makes for some compelling stories, then let the “Dark Universe” go that route naturally. But don’t try to shoehorn the classic monsters into The Avengers. Besides, DC already did something like that.
If they did bring in Dracula, they should totally give him a red trenchcoat, a pimp hat, two huge pistols, and a Police Girl vampire sidekick. And give her a giant honking cannon named after the floating fat guy from Dune.
Sorry about the double-posting. It seems the site ate my first comment, then spit it back up after I made the second.