Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Sibling Rivalry

This is one of the dumbest action films to come out this year. What? You act like that’s a bad thing. Doug & Rob check out Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

About Doug Walker

Creator of 5 Second Movies, Nostalgia Critic, Bum Reviews and more.


  1. I can’t wait to see this movie next month. I’ll finish this video after I’ve seen the movie. I love dumb action films, I love sci-fi, and I love beautiful spectacle. I don’t mind CGI. I think I’ll like it, especially since I liked Jupiter Ascending. Although, the fact that you mentioned Phantom Menace worries me… that’s where I draw the line. O.O

  2. This is my main grind with this movie: even within the very little I actually watched (a teaser and a scene shown in the Late Show with Stephen Colbert), the characters are thoroughly unlikable. And it saddens me, because the original material is a staple of sci-fi comics (well, French ones), sure it’s flawed and some things didn’t age well, but Valérien and Laureline are lovable (Why isn’t she even mentioned in the title anyway ? she’s the Badass-yet-sexy-who-makes-things-happen, compared to Valérien who’s mostly there as a diplomat/comic relief. You keep calling her “the girl” and that’s terrifying because Laureline is not a forgettable character in the comics). Also, the comics are kinda goofy, they don’t really take themselves that seriously.

    I’m going to watch it, but I’m so afraid to be really really put off because of how bad the characters have been portrayed…

    On a side note, since you talked about “Dunkirk”: is it true that the movie is incredibly loud ?

    • I saw ‘Dunkirk’ yesterday and it didn’t appear loud but some of the dialog wasn’t loud enough when you consider their accents. I’d bet that I missed 15% of what they were saying because I couldn’t understand them.
      Also, the movie is shown slightly out of order. It worked in ‘Memento’ but it doesn’t work as well here. ‘Dunkirk’ should have only been shown in order IMHO.
      -I’m going to try to see ‘Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets’ tomorrow. I’m now eager to see just how messed up it really is.

      • Just saw ‘Valerian’. The two main characters are definitely not right for each other. There were a few common archetypes and other predictable character types. It wasn’t a bad movie, but it was a beautifully average movie.

  3. TragicGuineaPig

    “Valerian”. Isn’t that the name of those scantily-clad mystic women from that Blast Hardcheese movie?

  4. Herbie Hancock was in this movie. And yet I didn’t see a single dancing mannequin or strutting pair of mannequin legs.

  5. I saw it the other night. I went in expecting another Jupiter Ascending, but it was way better.

    I’d read your summary of this video before I went, and now I’ve watched this review, and I still don’t know why you tag it as a stupid movie. Sure, I’ve seen smarter, but this is no Akiva Goldsman outing.

    Though when you point out the scene where she’s caught by a butterfly fisherman and ask ‘why didn’t *she* blast the guy?’ I asked myself the same thing (the best answer I could come up with was: maybe because he knew what to expect and she didn’t?).
    That question was driven out of my mind by the question:
    ‘Why didn’t he just fall backwards into the abyss when he blew the head off the guy who was holding him by a fishing pole above it?’

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